Friday, February 24, 2017

Five on a Friday

1. Eye Problems
When I was 15 I had a REALLY bad case of pink eye. I know, gross. I couldn't wear contacts for a year and I had to use like, 4 different kinds of eye drops a day, and it seemed like I was at the optometrist's office every other day. Because of that gross problem I have scars on my corneas (mostly my left one) and I get weird infections, bouts of bad dry eye, and just general eye discomfort pretty frequently. I also have astigmatism in my left eye. And my prescription is -6.50. AND I have to wear daily disposable lenses instead of the ones you take out every night and can use for 2 weeks or a month or whatever. I should wear my glasses regularly to give my eyes a break from the lenses, but my glasses Rx isn't up to date so it's hard to see and they sort of give me headaches.
All that to say, right now I'm going through one of my bouts of the dry and burning eyes. I have some steroid drops that I use when my contacts aren't in but OH MY GOSH it's so painful! My eyes have been all squinty and red and I basically just look high all the time. It's really fun. I have an eye appointment next week and I'm going to update my glasses prescription so CALM DOWN I am working on fixing things.
Doesn't this make you want to hang out with me so you can be subject to my fun infections? Which, by the way, are not contagious because nobody has ever come down with an eye infection after hanging out with me. So I'm not THAT gross. They're probably not even infections, just inconveniences.
2. Netflix
I routinely rewatch shows on Netflix. I've watched Parenthood, Breaking Bad, and Orange is the New Black three times, The Office like a billion times, and I'm working on the third round of Sons of Anarchy. I like to put Netflix on when I'm doing dishes or getting ready for work, and I can usually get through shows pretty quickly if they're just background noise. What shows do you love to watch over and over again?
3. Being sort of healthy
For the whole month of January I was basically the healthiest person on the planet. In this post I wrote about the changes I'd been making, but once February hit I started slacking BIG TIME. I'm still buying mostly healthy foods and prepping lunches and drinking tea, but I'm also reverting back to my old habits of not working out and eating lots of candy. Send help. And broccoli.
4. Curating Instagram?
Do you curate your Instagram feed? I LOVE looking at feeds that have a "theme" and have beautiful pictures, and I want my Instagram to look like that. On the flip side, I love seeing peoples' "real life" posts, where you get to see their real, unfiltered lives. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. Hashtag first world problems.
5. Thinking of a 5th thing
I literally could not think of a 5th thing to post. So now, thanks to this post, I know that my life is sufficiently boring. And you've all been subjected to the boring-ness! YOU ARE SO LUCKY. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

How We Met: Part II

At some point I'll have our entire "how we met" story all written out, but because I am very wordy, that will take a while. I haven't written anything about our story in two year, so it's time for part II of a story that will probably have like, 50 parts. If you want to catch up on Part 1, it's right here.


Hey, is this the Juliette who recently surpassed her previous record of being awake for 22 hours straight?

He didn't even have to type his name; I knew exactly who he was. I don't remember what our net texts were about (because I threw away the book that had everything written down), but I remember we texted all day and all night. A few days later I moved back to my Southern California college dorm room and he moved back to California's Central Valley, and our text messages turned into late night phone calls.

This was back in the days where you really had to pay attention to how many minutes you talked on the phone, so we had to wait until after 9pm to start our phone calls. But once those calls started, pretty much nothing was going to stop them. Classes hadn't started for either of us but we both had to be back at school to continue our jobs (his on campus, mine at Disneyland and Panera Bread). We talked on the phone for hours every night, about everything. School, childhoods, past relationships, life goals... everything. For hours. I think our longest conversation clocked in at about 10 hours. TEN HOURS. I remember smiling the entire time. I remember smiling for 10 hours straight really makes your cheeks hurt.

After a week or so of talking Keith brought up the idea of him coming down to visit me, and that was the infamous day that I actually peed my pants. No, just kidding. We decided he would come down on January 13th and we would go to dinner, then he would stay at a hotel and the next day we would go to Knott's Berry Farm. Did you know it's actually possible for time to move more slowly when you're excited for something? It has something to do with science and math and the curvature of the earth and also grey matter, probably.

The day he was supposed to arrive I spent the whole morning looking out different windows and talking to all the girls on my floor about my outfit and if I should shake his hand or hug him. We had only actually seen each other once - other than that it had been texts and phone calls. What if it was weird?? (Let's be real: I always make things weird.) When he finally drove up and I saw him get out of his car I actually screamed and experience incontinence for the second time in my life. I went to greet him and it was one of the most awkward experiences of my life. We hugged, I showed him my dorm, and all of my friends who he knew had just been staring at him walking up to the building, and then we walked around campus.

It was a fun robotic tour.

"This is the fountain."
"That building that looks like a mental hospital was where I lived my freshman year. But no no no, it wasn't a mental hospital then."
"This is the library."
"This is the post office."
"My brother works at the post office do you want to go say hi? Ok probably not. Maybe that's too much for today."
"Oh crap that's my brother driving up in the mail truck! Hide!"
"What? No I'm not embarrassed of you. Don't know why you'd think that."
"This is a brick pathway that's really pretty in the fall but right now it's winter and uh it doesn't look that great so let's go see the bell tower."

Finally we decided to drive a few towns over to walk around (more) and then have dinner. We walked around Fullerton, which is an adorable little place, and talked more about our lives and I tried really hard not to accidentally bump his hand with mine. I was very aware that my armpits were sweating and I was hoping it wasn't noticeable. Even though it was January and there was a crisp chill in the air, I was nervously sweating. I am always nervously sweating.

Finally, on a pathway next to a white picket fence and beneath a large oak tree, our hands brushed and Keith grabbed mine and my stomach dropped out of my butt. We eventually ended up at an Italian Restaurant called Roman Cucina which thankfully offered dishes that weren't super messy to eat, so I was still able to sort of look like a lady.

After dinner we went back to Keith's hotel to watch a movie, and we turned on Zoolander since I'd never seen the movie. Let me just say, that is a HILARIOUS first date movie!! It was getting late and we were cuddling and I really thought I was being subtle by inching my face closer and closer to Keith's... you know, just trying to make it really obvious I was open to a kiss! I got so comfortable that I ended up falling asleep. Keith tells me I didn't drool or snore but there's a possibility he's just being a gentleman. We ended up sharing our first kiss that night (after I'd woken up) and then talking until about 5am. Since we had plans to go to Knott's Berry Farm in a few hours and we both needed to sleep Keith drove me back to my dorm where we kissed some more by the elevators before saying goodnight.

You guys, THEN.

We were hugging and saying goodnight and I just HAD to ask, "So, um, what am I supposed to say to people when they ask what we are?" Keith paused and I was sure I'd just ruined everything. I was mortified. I tried to save it by telling him I was just sleep deprived and omg forget I said anything and omg I need to go craw into a hole and die right about now.

Five minutes later Keith held me close, cupped my face in his hand and said, "You kind of stole my thunder earlier, you know that? But that's ok. I'd like to tell people we're dating. So Juliette, will you be my girlfriend?"

And then angels sang and my stomach dropped out of my butt again and my whole body started tingling. "YES!" I shouted, and then realized it was 6am and there were people leaving for work and everybody could see us. "Yes," I whispered again, closed my eyes, and we kissed.

I went to bed with the biggest smile on my face because finally, finally, I had a boyfriend.

And it was Keith.

Photo from our date at Knott's Berry Farm on January 14th, 2009,
Part three will be live in like, 3 years or so. It really and truly depends on the feedback of this post.

Monday, February 20, 2017

On happiness

When I was in high school I was sure that once I moved out of my parents' house and into my college dorm, I would finally be happy.

When I was in college I was sure I'd be happy once I graduated and didn't have the stress of midterms and finals hanging over me.
When I was done with college, I thought I'd be happy once I had a good, full time job with benefits.
When I had a good, full time job with benefits I was sure I'd be happy once I paid off my student loans and wasn't living paycheck to paycheck.
Once I had my school loans paid off and wasn't living paycheck to paycheck, I was certain I'd be happy if I could only get a boyfriend.
Once I had a boyfriend, I thought I'd be happy once I lost 40 pounds.
Once I lost 40 pounds, I was certain I'd be happy when my boyfriend and I lived in the same zip code.
Once my boyfriend and I lived in the same zip code, I knew I'd be happy once we were engaged.
Once we were engaged, happiness was only dependent upon being married and the stress of wedding planning being lifted off our shoulders.
Once we were married, I was certain I'd be happy once I had a cat.
Now, we are married. I don't have midterms or finals to deal with, we aren't living paycheck to paycheck. I have a cat, and while I've gained back some of the weight I lost, I've also gained some wisdom since then.
If you're living your life constantly waiting for the next chapter in life, you'll never be happy. There's a quote I love that says, "There is always, always, always something to be thankful for." While I don'd condone the use of a preposition as the last word of a sentence, I sure do love that quote. No matter where you are in life there is a reason to be thankful, and a reason to be happy. Circumstances don't determine your happiness. Money doesn't determine your happiness. Men don't determine your happiness. You, and only you, determine your happiness, and if you're constantly waiting for the next life event or for circumstances to change, you'll only be fruitlessly chasing your happiness. 

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

The not-so suspicious mole

For as long as I can remember, I've had a giant mole on the back of my neck. The mole has never bothered me; in fact, I've always kind of liked it. I always thought it just looked like somebody stuck a dark brown pencil eraser on the back of my neck and um, if we're being honest, I've always thought it was kind of sexy. Marilyn Monroe had a sexy mole, why can't I have a sexy mole?
Aside: it turns out the word "mole" isn't sexy when you use it seventeen times in a row.
For many years my aunt (who is a nurse) has been telling me I should get my mole removed "because why not?" or something like that. I never wanted to get it removed because 1) it wasn't suspicious, and 2) I didn't want to pay for somebody to slice into my neck just for fun. But now that I work for a doctor I can have fun elective cosmetic procedures like that at no cost to me. So, when Keith told me my mole was "gross" I decided I would get it removed as his Valentine's Day present, because I am a good wife and also it was free.
So that's why on Tuesday I had NECK SURGERY. TO REMOVE HAROLD.

Do you see Harold?


After reviewing these pictures I'm now convinced that our wedding photographer photoshopped Harold so that he wouldn't be the focal point of all the pictures taken of the back of me. I guess I should thank Kristina, but also like, poor Harold. It's not his fault he was so unsightly.
Back to the story of my surgery. Tuesday morning I got shot up with Novocaine which was supposed to burn but I didn't feel a thing. As in, the doctor said, "You're going to feel some burning" and after a minute I was like "Ok when are you going to start the injection bc I feel nothing" and he was like "Um I'm done" and I was like "I AM AMAZING I FEEL NO PAIN."
I was pretty nervous for Harold to be cut off because it just sounds super gross, but I literally felt nothing. It's like how I imagine an epidural to feel, except there wasn't any afterbirth and also I don't think anybody cared if Harold slipped and fell on the floor. Also nobody weighed him or congratulated me.
So Harold got shipped off to a path lab, I got two stitches in my neck, and I spent the rest of Tuesday telling everybody I could find that I'd just had neck surgery and I don't think anybody found it as funny as I did. Also nobody thought it was a big deal. Apparently getting moles removed isn't commonly referred to as "major surgery." *Shrug*
After the procedure I texted people about my news and found that everybody who knew Harold thought he was disgusting and said THANK GOD I finally got rid of him. My sister even told me she thought it was weird that I kind of miss him because he was so gross. I literally had no idea so many people had such strong feelings about him until I got rid of him. Is it normal for people to have such strong feelings about a piece of your skin that isn't hurting ANYBODY (except me when I would get my hair done and the hairdresser wouldn't know about my mole so she would comb the hair onto my neck and scrape him)?
The worst part of the process is that the bandaid hurts like a mother. Whenever I peel it off to apply some ointment or check on what's left of Harold I feel like I'm ripping off two layers of skin. I have pictures of how red and angry my neck is but I'll spare you because I'm a nice person. I'm also sparing you the pictures of the blood and the stitches so you all owe me big time.
The stitches come out on Friday and then I won't be able to milk my "surgery" anymore and I'll probably have to stop snapchatting about how upset I am over losing Harold. Apparently it's "annoying" and "juvenile" and "gross."
And I'd just like to say that I'm very thankful that I have a job that allowed me to have this done for free.

Monday, February 6, 2017

The things you need to know

You matter.
You are beautiful.
You are loved.
You are worthy.
You are important.
You have good ideas.
The size of your heart matters more than the size of your jeans.
...and more than the number of likes on your Instagram posts.
You don't need to be exactly like everybody else.
Nobody cares if you got your shoes from Nordstrom or if you got them from Payless.
...and if they do, that's not a person you want in your life.
There is always something to be thankful for.
There is good in the world. And if you can't see it, you need to be the one to create it.