Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Things nobody told me about owning a cat

I've been a *proud* cat owner for over a year now, and a year is a long enough time that you realize all the things you never knew you never knew. So here are all the things nobody told me about owning a cat

1) Your cat might try to kill you. I routinely wake up with my cat sleeping on my neck. His paws are always poised so that he can gash my carotid artery should I piss him off enough. So far we've both survived, but I think that might just be from luck.

2) Your cat might try to kill you (pt 2). My house has lots of stairs in it, and when I come home from work I usually find Patton rolled all over one or some of the stairs, in what I can only assume is an attempt to trip me and break my neck

3) Your cat will want breakfast at 4am. Or he will want to play. Or he will just want to sit and meow incessantly and make you wonder why you ever loved him in the first place. 

4) Your cat will slow blink at you, and cuddle with you, and present himself to you, and purr at you, and will make you wonder how you ever had this capacity to love (and don't tell your husband that.)

5) Your cat will get whatever he wants because a) you want him to be happy, but mostly b) you REALLY want the meowing to stop. 


  1. Ha ha, glad you're stayed alive thus far with your killer cat lurking about. ;) Funny read!

  2. My cat is a huge talker and loud too. He used to always meow at night when we went to bed and the I started giving him a small can of food at night so that he'll eat and sleep when we do. He does meow at night because he thinks it's dinner time and it's not, like you don't tell us when to go to bed. Also sometimes early morning but that's also because he's an outdoor cat.