Wednesday, March 29, 2017

I swear I am a strong, independent woman


Tonight Keith left for his 3.5 week long trip to China. He's been wanting to go on this trip for several years but then things got in the way (like proposing and getting married and going on a honeymoon), so he's going now. Up until last night I was doing pretty okay with the thought of him being gone for so long. We've been apart before, so this will be fine. I can do it! I can clean the house! And read books! And exercise! And watch Netflix!

But this is almost a full month apart, and it's almost a full month of having limited communication, and when we said goodbye at the airport my "strong and independent woman" facade vanished and I started bawling right by the check in kiosks. We hugged, we kissed, I started to walk away, and then I was like "NOPE" and walked back to him to say goodbye for the second time. Then I repeated this a third time. And I cried, then laughed that I was crying, then cried some more. And then I really walked away. I even did that thing like in movies where you turn and look at each other at just the right moment as you're both walking away... only I couldn't find him at first and I kind of panicked but then OH there he was. And then I tripped walking up the stairs to get in my car.

And then I listened to Ed Sheeran (the best CD ever) all the way home and sang along and also just stared and thought really deep and emotional things. It was kind of just a really emotional and not super great night.

I'm really worried about him over there. I'm worried about the flights, about some of the places they're going, about him getting hurt in some really random way. I'm just worried. And I know worry is useless but I can't help it. Does anybody actually know how not to worry?

So, that's that. In the next 24 days I may have cleaned off our deck. I may have sorted my closet into winter and summer. I may have vacuumed and mopped the floors. I may have bought a dresser for me. I may have thrown things away.  OR I may have just eaten bags of Hershey's chocolate eggs and watched a ton of One Tree Hill.

Was this as fun for you as it was for me? Help. Keep me from my sadness.

8 comments:

  1. What an incredible trip! who is he traveling with?

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  2. I totally understand. When I was first married I would BAWL like a baby when Nick had to go away for work or on random guys trips!

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  3. Sounds like an awesome trip! But I totally understand how you're feeling. If it helps with any of your worries...my boyfriend's cousin recently embarked on a solo trip to China (bought herself a one-way ticket) and seems to be loving it. She originally mentioned a few safety concerns (especially being a female traveling alone), but hasn't experienced any issues at all. She said the people are friendly and as long as you have a general awareness of your surroundings, you'd be fine. I'm a worrier myself, so I know not much can help when you're a chronic worrier, but it's so awesome how supportive you are of him checking something off his bucket list. That should bring you some relief!

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  4. Spending time apart can be so special, really. Once you are married there are so many fewer opportunities to really "miss" each other. Even though it's hard, it's exciting to be able to do your own thing and look forward to seeing each other. Plus, you get to eat whatever you want for dinner and watch whatever you want on Netflix! Hang in there!

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  5. Longtime reader- saying a prayer for safe travels and peace of mind for you!

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  6. My husband went on a trip for 4 days last week and I lost it when he left. Good luck! I am sure the 3 weeks will go faster than you think.

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  7. I know how hard it is when they're gone for that long, even when you are super independent. To not worry, I've started meditating in the mornings and it has helped a lot. To stay distracted, trying working out every night. Not only will it make an hour go by, you can think about how hot you'll look when he gets home! haha

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  8. I honestly can't even imagine the loneliness you must be feeling. My husband is a firefighter, so he has to work nightshift a few nights each week. Those nights I try to fill my time with things I enjoy, but even so, the house seems so still, and quiet and empty knowing that he won't be home. I hope the time is passing by quickly for you. And that Keith is enjoying his trip to the fullest (and stays safe).

    I'll be thinking of you (in a totally non-creepy way).

    xo Kathryn

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