Sunday, December 18, 2016

The Weekend Before Christmas

This ^^ is the face of everybody when you say, "Christmass is in LESS THAN A WEEK!"


Last week I made about 200 cookies, another of those stupid Martha Stewart pies that takes 3 hours to make, cleaned my whole kitchen and spare bedroom, stole one of Keith's bookcases, and binge-watched an entire season of Dexter.

Of note:

-The cookies I made were oatmeal chocolate chip (which is the absolute BEST kind of cookie), snickerdoodles (which turned out weird and didn't flatten so they look like sugared ping pong balls), and these Wookiee cookies that I saw on the Tasty page on Facebook. Can you tell which pictures I took off the internet and which were made in the comfort of my own home (with the help of my mother-in-law)? I bet you can't.

-I do not like Dexter. Keith has been begging me to watch it with him since before we got married, and it's taken us about a year to get through season 1. I finally gave up and told him he could watch the rest without me, and he proceeded to watch seasons 2 and 3 in one weekend. I decided to try to catch up with him over the past few days but I would way rather watch The Office for the 17th time. I've heard Dexter gets better after season 3, is that right? Please say yes.

-It snowed here on Friday night, and I stupidly thought, "LOL, the snow will melt and I will be able to drive wherever I want on Saturday or Sunday TRALALALALA." I'm an idiot. Did you know snow doesn't melt when the temperature stayes 32 degrees or lower? STUPID COLD WEATHER I HATE YOU I NEED SNOW BOOTS.

-On Saturday night I told my MIL, "Yes, I am all done with my Christmas shopping A WHOLE WEEK EARLY! GO ME!" And we patted my on the back and then today I realized I still have to buy things for a cousin, a grandma, a brother-in-law, two nieces, and a grandpa. And I don't have Amazon Prime. So I think, to put it technically, "I'm screwed."

That is all; I'm going to go try to get my mom to give me the password to her Amazon Prime account now.

I need you to care about hummus.


Monday, December 12, 2016

A Domestic Goddess Is In the House

I really wanted to title this "Domestic AF" but I have a hard time using "AF" because I don't love the "F" word and I don't really want it on my blog. So you got what you got instead. Classy af.

I don't want to brag or make anybody jealous, but on Monday night I spent three hours making a pie that had rum in it and it involved cooking things on the stove and I did NOT burn the house down and as of 11pm Monday night the pie was still the gelatinous blob it was always meant to be. AND I shaved chocolate very finely and didn't slice off ANY of my fingers. Here is my black bottom pie:

I know I know I know, it doesn't really look like anything except foggy snot but I am extremely proud of this stupidly difficult stupid pie. Let me explain how this all happened:

Last week my manager asked me, "Do you want to make the dessert for Bev's birthday next week?" And I was like "Yes!" (Because I am stupid and an over achiever and a people pleaser and also I didn't think Bev would ask for something that involved words like "use your Kitchen Aid mixer" and "candy thermometer" and "ice water bath" but apparently what do I know) and then my manager said, "OK! Great! She wants a black bottom pie."

And I was like WUT.

I used this recipe from Martha Stewart because how difficult could it be, right? Martha Stewart is known for making things easy and fun, right? WRONG. Martha Stewart is a life ruiner who ruins peoples' lives. Martha Stewart is the Regina George of the cooking world. Martha Stewart didn't go to prison for insider trading; she went to prison for lying about how easy it is to beat your egg whites into gentle peaks.

You can see more on my Snapchat (@ notthatjuliet but only for a few more hours! Hurry! Go now!) but basically I felt like the whole thing was a trap to see if by the end of the recipe I dumped more than the allotted 2 tablespoons of light rum into the pie. (I stuck with the two tablespoons. Nobody needs to know what happened with the rest of the bottle *Gulp*)

By the way, I had no idea what "light rum" was. I had to google it while I was in the grocery store and then I felt stupid for not being able to figure out that they meant "light in color" not like, "light in calories." Anyway. I digress a mundo in this post apparently.

I thought I was doing great by reading the recipe ahead of time and getting everything prepared in little bowls so while I was mixing one thing I could melt another and so on and so forth. Toward the end of the recipe I realized that Martha had clearly told me I needed two things: a Kitchen Aid mixer and a candy thermometer. I glossed over both of those things. I did survive without the mixer (I used a stupid hand mixer that peasants use) and I just eyeballed making the syrup... and I think I burned it. But now it's a pretty bronze color so who's the real MVP?

So anyway, I'll let you know tomorrow if Bev actually likes the pie or if I'm fired. Either one is possible.

ALSO in other non-Martha news: we got our tree and I am SO happy with how the decorations turned out!!! I basically threw everything I owned on that tree. Lights, candy canes, balls, sentimental ornaments, bows, a stormtrooper ornament, beads, gold sparkly ribbon... and oh my gosh. You guys. I can't handle it.

And that's all for now because it's basically midnight and I have sleeping to do and I'm not going to go back and re read and edit this post so don't judge me too harshly. A little harshly is fine, I can take it. Just not TOO harshly.

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Just some general life questions

This picture has nothing to do with this post. It's just really cute.
It's currently almost 10pm on Sunday night and I've been innocently sitting in bed trying to come up with a topic for a blog post and also watching the episode of The Office where Michael and Jan invite everybody over for a dinner party and it's the most wonderfully awkward episode ever when suddenly, Patton climbed up into my lap, nuzzled my cheek a little bit, and then shoved his butt into my face before lumbering off to a corner of the bed to cuddle by himself. Upon smelling his body odor I realized I have no idea if it's actually ok to bathe a cat, and if it is ok to bathe a cat, how do you do it? Then I started thinking about all of life's greatest mysteries and thus, a post was born.

// How do you bathe a cat?

// Follow up: has anybody ever died from trying to bathe a cat? Like, from bleeding? Because it seems like it wouldn't be hard for a cat to blow open your carotid artery and then that's the end of that.

// How often are you really supposed to get your tires rotated?

// Is there a way to freeze avocados without making them turn to mush when you defrost them?

// What do you do with a toilet brush thing when you're done cleaning the toilet? Where do you wash it? Are you really supposed to store it in the plastic holder it comes in? Because that just seems like a perfect breeding ground for everything gross in the world.

// Are white and ivory actually two different colors, or are they just different shades of the same color? I've actually had several arguments about this with multiple people. I think they're just different shades of white. Agree with me, please.

// Has there ever been a worse tv character than Neegan?

// What happened to Lauren Graham's mouth?

// Is there a way to make a smoothie at night and keep it goo until the next day at lunchtime? Can you put it in the freezer? Or do you actually have to use a blender the next day?

//Is the fact that my cat likes to lie on my neck in the middle of the night a sign that he's trying to suffocate me?

// If I haven't gotten a red cup from Starbucks yet this Christmas season, does that make me a Scrooge?

That's it for now unless I come up with another question around 4am. You never know, it could happen. And just so you know, I'm really curious about the answers to all these questions. I mean sure, most of them I just thought of now but now that I'm thinking of them I really want to know. KTHXBAI.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

7 Must Have Items for Your Next Holiday Feast

*This post is sponsored by Boar's Head but the content and opinions expressed here are my own.*
I've been a part of throwing several holiday parties over the years. I've been in charge of decorating, in charge of the food, in charge of the entertainment... and through it all, I've come to realize that there are certain things you absolutely must have in order to make your holiday feast a smashing success.

1) Appetizers. I really wanted to say "apps and zerts" and be like Tom Haverford from Parks and Rec, but I refrained. You're welcome. Usually your guests will arrive to your party/feast before everything is totally ready to be set on the table, and if that's the case you have to keep your guests happy! The best way to do this is to have delicious appetizers. A great appetizer is vegetables or crackers paired with Boar's Head hummus. The best part about this hummus? It comes in 9 delicious different flavors!

2) Stunning decor . I personally love these placemats that a co-worker made for me as a wedding gift. They're especially perfect for holiday parties! Your guests will want to see decor that fits the holiday you're celebrating, and this red and white is perfect for Christmas!

3) Great music. It's important to have something playing in the back ground just in the off chance that there's a lull in conversation. Chances are your party will be amazing and lacking in lulls, but you never know. Make sure you check out my Twitter poll for the worst Christmas song ever.

4) Games. Ok ok ok, I realize that games aren't everyone's cup of tea. But take my word for it: they're fun! We typically play games at my family holiday parties. Everything from pictionary to poem contests to holiday trivia contests! The winner gets to wear some kind of festive hat for the remainder of the evening, and it's a hat that only comes out during these special feasts, so everybody realizes just how important it is to win!

5) Napkins. I mean come on, I can't be the only messy eater, right?

6) Artistic displays. I love seeing how people arrange their food. Everybody does it so differently! Also, did you know that Boar's Head hummus makes a perfect (and delicious!) accent to an appetizer plate?? 

7) Good friends and good family. The best holiday feasts are ones your share with the people you love. And the best part? Since everybody is different and has different tastes, there's a Boar's Head hummus for EVERYONE!

Monday, December 5, 2016

Another weekend wrap up!

Hello, happy tuesday, and welcome to December and oh by the way did you blink? Because December is basically half over and Christmas is in less than three weeks. So... that's fun. Anyway, I'm back (by popular demand, name that song, it's Beyonce) with another weekend recap because I had a super fun weekend AGAIN and I must tell the entire internet about it before I internally combust which this next picture makes it clear I am about to do!

The girls in my family were all getting together to go wedding dress shopping with my younger sister. Her wedding is in July and she hadn't been dress shopping yet so we made it a big deal and told her if she didn't buy a dress we chose for her we would never forgive her. Joking, obviously. She did still appease us and try on dresses that she hated but we loved... that's the love of a family.

But let's back up. I was ecstatic to be able to spend all day Friday with my nieces Katelynne and Kynlee. You've met them before. Katelynne is 3 and Kynlee is just about 9 months and together they're the must fun little girls ever.We started the morning bright and early at about 6:45, and I had no idea a 3 year old could be so wide awake and ready to go before 7am! 

She's a little camera whiz so she was talking pictures of everybody, and then I introduced her to... drumroll please... SELFIES! Ok ok ok, so she wasn't impressed. It's fine I'm fine we're all fine.

We watched a movie, she played with Dominoes, and then it was time for MAKEUP. I had to get ready to go see my Grandma and then go to the Christmas parade so I really had to begin the spackling process. Katelynne was right there with me wanting to use everything I used.

"Dis go on your eye?"
"What dis?" "It's an eyebrow pencil for your eyebrows." "Kay. I'mma need ta do my eyebrows now."

There's a small chance I got too into it and I just kind of painted her face. I tried to give her a pink nose but you couldn't really see it. But isn't she just the cutest little kitty cat you ever did see??

SIGH, shes too much.


We went to visit my Grandma, who will be 101 years old next month!! Time sure does fly, I tell ya. Katelynne loved seeing her Great Grandma and Kynlee in typical Kynlee fashion just basically tolerated the rest of us.

Here's my younger sister (the bride!) getting some cuddles with lil' Kyn.

And here's me and lil' Kyn being adorable. (Her, not me)

Then, it was parade time! We all bundled up because ... California. I think it was 45 fegrees but you would have thought we were in the middle of Russia. Katelynne got her very first kid's hot chocolate and she didn't hate it but she didn't pose for a cute picture with it either so IDK how she really feels.

Kynlee started giving kisses - look! Kissing her mama, melting my heart.

Kynlee fell asleep in my arms and have you ever carried a giant baby around a parade? It's not easy. But she's so cute and kissable I just love it!! Plus I got to wear my blanket scarf so I felt like SUCH the blogger.

This net picture was taken when Santa drove by. Apparently Katelynne loves Santa. That isn't really surprising since this kid loves EVERYONE and eeverything. 

Then I fed her some garlic cheesy bread because I'M THE FUN AUNT!

The next day we went wedding dress shopping. Left to Right is: my mom, our sister-in-law Amy (who is doing remarkably well following the loss of her and my brother's baby in October), my Aunt, The Bride Angenette, older sister Kathrene, and yours truly.

Angenette did NOT pick out her dress but we all told her we didn't find our dress at the first store either (which was a lie because I didn't even want to go looking so I just went to a store and was like yeah ok this one let's do this let's starve myself for a month YEAH!). She found a few top condenders but nothing really screamed HER. You know how clothes do that? Well, these didn't.

We went to a delicious dinner at Novo restaurant in San Luis Obispo and ohhhhh they have the best salmon salad of your life.

The next day after church and lunch I visited Keith's aunt and uncle, who are partially kind of largely responsible for getting us together about seven years ago. Then I went to see my aunt, grandma, and aunt's gigantic cat (his name is Drogo, guess what the petite female cat's name is?) who finally showed me his belly so I got to pet him!

After a long weekend away and a long drive him, I found the cat hiding in my bag once I'd unpacked. Is it like, "Never leave me again!" or "You don't get a choice in the matter, you are never leaving me again." I guess we'll never know!

All in all, it was a pretty special weekend. I had the privilege of talking to John and Amy for a few hours about just life in general, but also how they're doing after the loss of Hannah. Oh, you guys, it is so hard and I don't know how anybody actually gets through this. It's not something we're supposed to have to endure. It's so amazing though, even in their sadness and despair, they have so much faith in Jesus and hope in the knowledge that they will see Hannah again, even though it won't be for a long time. I still cry every time I think about it and my heart aches so badly for them, and for our entire family. SO thank you from the bottom of my heart for your words and prayers. They truly do so much.

And on that lighthearted note, I'm signing off for the day. 

Kevin my dude.

Love you bye

(points for you if you get that reference.)