Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Our New Addition

Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to the newest member of our family: General Patton! Patton, for short. Or just "Cat!" if I'm feeling lazy.

It's pretty widely known that I've been wanting a cat for years. My allergic roommates kept me from fulfilling my dream, and when I moved to the mountain I began begging Keith mercilessly for a kitten. We discussed it before we were married and then when we were in Turkey on our honeymoon watching a sunset a stray cat wandered into our laps and he promised me that "someday" we would get a cat. And so, for the past seven months I've been badgering him every single day for a cat, telling him all the reasons it would be a good idea, and complaining about how it wasn't fair that he got two dogs and I didn't get any cats.


On Saturday he took his dogs to the vet and when he came home he was sitting on another sofa far away from me paying a lot of attention to the jacket he was wearing. I was trying to take a nap and I thought to myself, I wonder if he has a cat over there, but I didn't want to get my hopes up and plus I was right on the verge of falling asleep and having a lucid dream so we can all tell where my priorities are, I think.

When he said, "Hey, come over here," I knew something was up so I bolted off the sofa and over to his side and GUESS WHAT HE PULLED OUT OF HIS JACKET??


Just kidding, it was a cat!

Since I am a calm and rational woman I immediately burst into tears and became a blubbering mess. I was halfway convinced that I was in fact having a lucid dream but one swipe of the General's sharp tiny claws proved me to me my dream had finally become a beautiful reality.

It took us about 36 hours to decide on a name, and you guys, I don't know how I'll ever be able to name a human being. NAMES ARE HARD. We discussed Napoleon (that was a very close second), Mr Whiskers, Spartacus, Ascot, and Gimli, but General Patton beat them all out. But like I said earlier, I mostly just call him "Cat!"

I'm obsessed with him and I'm trying desperately to turn him into a lap cat, and it's working. He cuddles up on our shoulders all the time and he sleeps next to me at night. Nostril, our golden, is obsessed with him and is always staring at him. It makes Keith feel like chopped liver which is pretty amusing. Clementine, the beagle, was terrified of him at first but she's starting to warm up to him. She's finally looking at him, at least.

Currently I'm pretty worried about him because he's not really eating or drinking (I started giving him water with a syringe tonight) and his behind has been kind of goopy. Also, he's been throwing up bile. We have a vet appointment on Thursday so I'm just trying to keep a really close eye on him until then.

Oh and you guys, he's like really flexible.

Follow our cat adventures on Twitter: @OtherJuliette
and Snapchat: @notthatjuliet
and Instagram: @jliette

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Dogs are the worst

Clementine and Nostril.
I did not name either of them.
When I married Keith, I also married his dogs. I've never been a dog person but his dogs were pretty cute and when I watched him with them I kept picturing him with babies instead, so I tolerated them pretty well. I would even venture so far as to say that I love them. But just because I love them doesn't mean they don't annoy the crap out of me on a daily basis. Want to know why? Thought so.

They are the biggest pains to share a bed with. Did you know that when a golden retriever sleeps on her side and stretches her feet out she can take up nearly an entire queen sized be? I've almost gotten pushed off by her on multiple occasions. And when I tell her to "GET OFF THE BED NOSTRIL!" she completely ignores me. But when Keith simply says, "Nostril, off," she hops right off like it's no thang. And when Clementine sleeps she frequently dreams about being active (chasing rabbits? cornering raccoons? fighting a dragon?) and she runs. when her feet are on my back. And then when I try to wake her up so she'll stop being the most annoying thing on the planet she just gives me this pathetic whimper/whine and continues her shenanigans.

Also, Clementine likes to sleep like a person, with her head on the pillows and her body under the blankets. It's not adorable at all.

They look at me like this 90% of the time.

They like to lick. FACES.

Nostril almost kills me on a daily basis. We have a lot of stairs in our home and she likes to walk right in front of me and just STOP when I'm in the middle of walking up or down (which is hard enough by itself). Or she'll just try to weave in between my legs when I'm walking ... it's like she's a cat but with a lot less condescension and resentment. I keep telling her that a 60 lb animal is not made for weaving in between feet but she doesn't listen because I think she literally wants me to trip and fall to my death so she can have Keith all to herself.

They're obsessed with Keith and the literally walk all over me. Both of them routinely crawl over my head to get to Keith and I have had their butts in my face too many times to count. Do you know what it's like to have a gigantic golden retriever crawl on top of your face to get to your husband? It's like being suffocated and stabbed at the same time. And she thinks she's really dainty but she's just a lumbering fool so it's sometimes hard to be mad at her when she looks like such a buffoon, which is even more annoying.

They smell. Actually, Nostril doesn't smell bad. Clementine, on the other hand, smells like a garbage factory. According to Becca is's a "musky scent that requires weekly baths" but in my opinion it's plain old high maintenance.

They lick their butts. Like, way too often for me to be comfortable with it.

I can't wait to get a cat who will hide behind corners and jump out and terrorize them the way they've been terrorizing me all this time.



Monday, April 11, 2016

Lately [Word Vomit]

Since my husband (it's still so weird to say HUSBAND!!!) is out of town for the week, I've been dedicating my life to things I simply cannot do when he is home. Namely, wearing my most hideous sweat pants, blogging, and eating ice cream out of the carton. And binge watching Army Wives and Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt without hearing comments from the peanut gallery in the background. Also I've been sleeping with both an axe and a baseball bat next to my bed just in case intruders happen upon me in the middle of the night.

Rational is my middle name.

Today is going to be a word vomit day. I have ideas for posts later in the week (which have to do with a honeymoon post and a post about my favorite household items because I'm exciting like that), but today I'm just going to spit up all over my page, just like my co-workers 4.5 month old baby does on my scrubs on a daily basis. It's really adorable.

Since Keith has bee gone I've been trying to be a domestic goddess and get some cleaning/purging out of the way. Sunday night I ended up going through boxes of old cards + pictures and I found this amazing picture of me at 14 years old. I think I literally had 7 hairs on each eyebrow and that shirt with the furry collar? I loved wearing it with a furry sweater because I was the coolest homeschooled high school freshman you've ever seen in your LYFE.

The dogs missed their dad and showed that by refusing to eat on Sunday. We skyped Keith Sunday night and the dogs really didn't know what to do with themselves. They kept cocking their heads and whining and doing their tricks just in case he magically apparated and appeared in front of them. Ignore the home mess but LOOK HOW CUTE THE DOGS ARE.

Baby Kate has a sister! She was born on March 8th and she has the biggest feet and the most amazing head of hair I've ever seen on a newborn. Her name is Kynlee Elizabeth and her favorite things are: 1) Sleeping. 2) That's all.

Baby Kate is a very concerned big sister. Whenever "Baby Sista" cries, Baby Kate gets upset and wants Kynlee to stop crying because when babies cry the world cries. Katelynne is convinced that Kynlee cries for one of two reasons: "She needs a Band-Aid!" or "She's hungwy and wants the boobies!"

In my opinion, Baby Kyn always looks like she's exasperated and it's adorable.
I AM A BUILDER. We don't have very much kitchen storage so last weekend when we were buying a new sofa we also bought a little cupboard. It had to be put together a la Ikea and last night, in the glow of Army Wives, I decided to brave the instructions and build my cupboard. I think that's what it's called. I'm really impressed with my building skills even if it does look the tiniest bit crooked. It also matches the rest of the wood nearly perfectly, and I love that. I'm a bit concerned that there's too much of that color wood in our kitchen/dining room but I figure the ping pong table which is not shown in the picture probably balances it out. Also the constant mess probably distracts from the color scheme as well.

When I was going through the picture of old cards + pictures I found this picture of when I thought I was a model. Someone I knew was opening up a "vintage" (i.e. thrift) store and she asked me and another girl to model for her, and my idea of modeling was to hunch over in a gutter while wearing an obscene amount of eyeliner.

I made a cake for a co-worker's birthday and used my recipe for Grandma's seven minute icing and .... it looks like the cake from Sleeping Beauty. It totally and completely melted and I don't know why. I promise it was still delicious! It just mildly resembled the cake a drunk leprechaun would have made.

Click here.

Favorite Old + New Hair and Face Products

**This is NOT a sponsored post and there are NO affiliate links. These are strictly my opinions on products I love.**

I'm a girly girl, and I love all things that have to do with hair and makeup. A surefire way to get me to click on your post is to write a list of some of your favorite products, or some new products you're trying for the first time. When I was in high school I used to watch infomercials for hair and makeup products, for fun. 

 //Ion Color Defense Clarifying Shampoo. The girl who does my hair, Amber, has been telling me I need to use a clarifying shampoo ever since she first did my hair nearly a year ago. She told me a clarifying shampoo is a great idea for anybody to use because it removes build up from other products (hair spray, gel, etc). I use a LOT of hairspray and thickening spray so finally I decided I just needed to bite the bullet and get some.

I got it at a Sally Beauty Supply Store in the ghetto. Seriously, I think there was a drug deal slash robbery going down right outside before I walked in. I didn't research this product before buying it, I just went in and asked the saleswoman for a clarifying shampoo and this is what she showed me. I use it every other shampoo and I've got to say, I LOVE IT. My hair feels so light and clean! Definitely recommend this product. On alternate days I just use regular shampoo, and I buy whatever is cheapest at Target.

//Ion Keratin Smoothing Masque. This is the first fancy product my hairstylist suggested to me. I started off using it 2-3 times a week because of how dry and brittle my ends were. Now, I use it 1-2 times a week, depending on how often I wash my hair. My hair feels so much softer since I started using this! I leave it on for 4-5 minutes, or 2-3 songs on the Ella Henderson station on Pandora.

//Ion Keratin Conditioner. I use this every day that I don't use the keratin masque. I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. It feels amazing and smells so so good! Plus, it has a pump top which is the most genius invention in the universe.

//BioSilk Silk Therapy. I've sworn by this product for close to ten years. I put it on the ends of my hair every single time I wash it and it also smells amazing and makes my hair feel silky smooth. If there's one product you go out and buy, make it this one. You can get it at Target for like $40/bottle or you can almost always find it at a TJ Maxx or Ross for under $20.


//L'Oreal Revitalift Eye Cream. Last year I started noticing these cute little wrinkles around my eyes and I was like I HAVE TO NIP THIS IN THE BUD. I've been trying different eye creams since Christmas, and so far I really like this one. I don't love that it comes in a tub, because I've read that tubs contain more bacteria than pumps, but with a tub I feel like you can really get everything out of it. So for now, I'm on board with this product.

//Lumigan. This is by far the Holy Grail of beauty products. I've been using Lumigan for a few years now and it's the best thing in the world. It's the generic form of Latisse, and it's ridiculously expensive. The only reason I'm able to use it regularly is because I have a friend who gets free samples at her job (she works for an eye doctor) and she shares with me. Lumigan is really for glaucoma, but I use it as eyelash steroids. I use one drop on each eyelash line per night, and my lashes are fuller, thicker, and stronger than EVER. That picture on the bottom left where I have red eyes and I also look like I have a bruise (IDK why it looks like that, I guess my eye cream actually sucks) is my lashes with nothing on them.

HOWEVER. If you stop using Lumigan for longer than a few days your eyelashes will fall out. I REPEAT: YOUR EYELASHES WILL FALL OUT. This happened to me twice because I was in between samples and it was awful. I literally had 6 eyelashes on each eye. They grew back just fine, but for a couple of weeks I thought my life was over.

//Rare Minerals Skin Revival Treatment. This product is kind of weird. I found a sample in my car a few weeks ago and started using it at night as directed, and I really loved it. It made it so when I went to bed I had a perfectly highlighted face, and I really like to think that it made my skin softer, too. So, when I ran out of the sample, I turned to Amazon to buy more.

This product is a powder moisturizer. It's super weird but I like it. It says it's supposed to make your pores look smaller and I REALLY feel like it does! I don't love how I feel like I'm going to sleep with powder on my face but when I wake up I feel softer than a baby's bottom.

And this, friends, is why my hair and face regimen at night is like 45 minutes long. Seriously, nighttime takes longer than the morning! But I love these products and hopefully you found something new to love!

Do you have any recommendations for products I just have to try? Leave your suggestions in the comments!

Friday, April 8, 2016

Deep in the heart of Texas

Y'all. I got to spend a weekend in the South with Faith and Lindsay (and with a guest appearance by Natalie and her most perfect tiny human, Zoey). If you've never been to Texas, you really need to go. And if you go, you need to make sure you go with good friends, stretchy pants, lots and LOTS of space in your duffel bag, and lots of space on your phone for pictures.

Since I didn't get into DFW until almost midnight on Thursday night, the recap of the trip begins on Friday. Although if you want to know, we spent a few hours after I got in enjoying nightcaps, playing with Lindsay's dumpster cats, and being in general disbelief that we were all finally together.

Friday, after Lindsay made us incredible breakfast tacos, we went to the DFW stockyards. While there we observed Texas Longhorns, "raced" through a maze which was featured on season 5 of The Amazing Race, imbibed in Tex-Mex and margaritas, and played tourist outside of Cowboys stadium and the Rangers stadium.
Trying to get a picture with the Texas Longhorns. Total success, obviously.
Faith and Lindsay with the prizes we got for completing the hardest maze OF ALL TIME.
Actual photo of us during torture.
The REAL prize for finishing the maze: margs and Tex Mex!
When bloggers try to eat...

These childrens' rides are highly inappropriate to ride as an adult.
More sportsball!
Friday evening we enjoyed authentic Texas BBQ with our special guest: Zoey. I mean, Natalie and her baby Zoey. We went to Riscky's BBQ and when I ordered the all you can eat ribs, our waitress laughed at me. So I was like, "She doesn't think I'll get my money's worth from the all-you-can-eat ribs?? I'll show her!!!!" ...I ate seven, which really isn't impressive.

What IS impressive is that Natalie braved the Downtown Fort Worth traffic and parking situation in order to hang out with us. AND she did it with a tiny baby in tow! Baby Zo is like, the most perfect human alive (besides my nieces, of course). It was basically blogging heaven, that night.

#MotherMaterial. I was drinking a hard cider. When I ordered it I was kind of embarrassed, because everybody else was drinking beer. Our waitress told me, "Well don't order it if you're ASHAMED of it!" So this is a picture of my shame cider.

After stuffing our faces and bellies with BBQ, Lindsay took us both to a piano bar. I'll admit (I didn't tell this to Lindsay or Faith) I was a little skeptical of a piano bar. I didn't really know much about them but Lindsay really talked it up so we were both like "OKAY."


We shared a fishbowl of alcohol and enjoyed the best few hours E.V.E.R. There was a bachelorette party going on so we got to watch all the party girls getting up on stage and making fools of themselves, we got to sing along to the classics like Journey and Billy Joel, and we got to have the most American night ever.

At one point one of the pianists invited all the military people up on stage and everybody belted out "God Bless the USA" and Faith (who is Canadian) was like, "THIS IS THE MOST AMERICAN THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE." And Lindsay was like, "Normally they all bust out their pistols and start shooting the roof!" And Faith was like "REALLY?" And Lindsay was like, "YES. BASICALLY."

We got back super late, after having an awful Uber experience and then finally taking a van taxi home, and pretended to have a nightcap before we all just crashed for the night. We had to keep up our strength so we could continue our shenanigans the next day... shenanigans that started with BREAKFAST.

Mr. Hess was present during breakfast. Shout out to Mr. Lindsay!
Saturday afternoon we drove to Dallas where we did a drive by viewing of the JFK memorial (we did not get out because parking was a pain and we were tired, sorry JFK) and then we drove to Weir's.

Backstory: I was born in Texas and in the 80's my Dad worked at a furniture store called Weir's. He talks about it ALL the time and the entire congregation at my home church knows about "that Texas furniture store," so when I told my dad I was going to Dallas (to visit college friends because #secretblog), he told me to go to Weir's and gave me a list of people to say hello to. Some of the people my dad knew still worked there, and remembered him! It was a really cool experience.

Next Lindsay took us to jewelry/accessory mecca, AKA Sam Moon. IT WAS AMAZING and we all got so much amazing and cool jewelry! I totally get why Lindsay is obsessed with this place.

Next, we became BEST FRIENDS WITH BOB. "Bob" is queso with ground beef, avocado, and sour cream mixed in. BOB IS MY NEW BOYFRIEND. I love him so much I forgot to take a picture of him. But don't worry, I DID manage to photograph more margaritas.

Faith got a picture of Bob, that sneaky minx. Middle left.
Also thank you Faith for taking photographic evidence of the gluttony we enjoyed in Texas.
After that, Lindsay took us for "foot massages." Did you know that in Texas, "foot massage" is code for "full body molestation"? We'll tell you about that some other time. Today is not the time or the place but just know that when we were finished with out massaged, both Faith and I were traumatized. We were also totally relaxed because massages are amazing and THANK YOU LINDSAY.

That evening we decided to try a buffet of Texas food so we drove through and took home:
-Chick Fil A
-Taco Bueno (or was it Taco Casa? I can't remember. We had one of them the night I got in and the other on Saturday night)

Plus, we had our fully stocked bar at Lindsay's house. We were not left wanting for food or drink, no siree. We watched Parks and Rec and had the most fun time ever just being together, talking, and laughing. SEE?

I can't say enough good things about our weekend together. Faith and Lindsay are two of the funniest, most hilarious, and most all around wonderful people I've ever met and I'm so hashtag blessed to know them both! #TripletsForever
AND. We have a video. You are WELCOME.