Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Everything that has sucked lately aka such a [not] uplifting post

If you want me to be honest (and I know you do because I know everything because I'm a genius obviously duh) the past few days have not been wonderful. Basically I feel like an angry and emotional psychotic person who has these weird superpowers of making everything go wrong. And probably my face and hair are constantly in this state.

It all started on Friday when I went to work and thought everything was going to be fine because I only work 9-1 on Fridays and then Keith and I were going on a road trip to go see my family for my mom's 65th and my grandma's 99th birthdays. I was looking forward to seeing Baby Kate, gas is practically free, and I was looking forward to maybe stopping at this one shopping center and going engagement ring shopping and basically everything was looking up.

Well the first thing that sucked was when I left work at 1 and when I stopped at the post office I checked my e-mail because god forbid I be away from social media for 5 minutes and I saw an e-mail my boss had sent me at one o'clock saying he needed something by the end of the day. I was like forget that! because I left at 1 and I always leave at 1 on Fridays so why would he send an e-mail when I left and hopefully he wasn't expecting a reply and UGH.

So then we were about to leave Keith's house and I was like, "Hey, want a skinny cow ice cream sandwich for the road?" and Keith was like, "YES I DO THANKS FOR BEING THE BEST AT EVERYTHING!"*** but then in the ruckus of putting the dogs in the car I left the ice cream sandwiches in the house and they melted and did not make their ways into our mouth holes.

***I believe his actual reply was more along the lines of, "Uh, sure."

So then I was like "Let's stop at Target for candy and those wintergreen Lifesavers that do horrible things to my intestines but I still eat them and he was like "ok" so we went to Target and I was getting birthday cards for mom and grandma and Keith said, "Oh I'm going to get your Valentine's Day card now!" and I was like "omg you're so sweet" and then he said, "Cool, the Valentine's Day section is right here!" but he was looking at the itty bitty 99 cent section and he didn't believe me when I said there was a whole WALL of VD cards and how did he not notice it when we walked right past it?


Then he put my card in the basket and said, "Don't look at it and also I forgot my wallet so you're gonna have to buy it" and I was indignant and then I started laughing because it was just so ridiculous. "But at least I remembered to get you a Valentine's Day card!" he said, and I guess he gets points for that? Maybe? Don't worry, on Sunday I gave him so much crap for making me buy my own card that he threw $3.50 at me while I was driving and then I said, "I'm only worth $3.50 to you??" and he didn't think that was funny.

Then we went to the place with the engagement rings but he was wearing sweats and I was in a bad mood because my cuticles were ugly so I pouted and refused to shop for engagement rings so basically we're never getting married.

The rest of the night was fine, the drive was safe, we went to SLO the next day and the birthdays were good but I forgot to take pictures of Baby Kate and I'm still mad about that.

So then on Sunday I didn't get up early enough to shower because I am the laziest so I felt all gross and dirty at church, and then we went to lunch with Keith's grandparents and it was delicious but then when we walked out to my car GUESS WHAT WE SAW?

Some jackwad had parked so close to Bruce Wayne that he or she was actually TOUCHING Bruce's butt. INAPPROPRIATE!! And also... YOU BASICALLY HIT MY CAR!!! So I took pictures and stared at the restaurant hoping that the jackwad saw me and was like, "Oh, I'm a total idiot for parking so close to that pretty black car when there was like four feet of available space behind me and I definitely didn't need to touch the butt."

Keith told me it would not be good to go back into the restaurant yelling. Whatever.

OH ALSO. Saturday night I don't know what happened but my right wrist started KILLING me. And when I was trying to pack on Sunday I basically cried because it was so sore! I couldn't touch anything because it felt like my wrist was falling off.

So all day Sunday while I was driving (Keith offered to drive but I said no because I'm selfish or something) I couldn't use my right hand because it hurt to even touch the steering wheel. And then when we were driving at like 10pm on the two lane HIGHWAY in the pitch black a man ran out in front of my car. Like, he legitimately ran in front of my car and if Keith hadn't yelled and made me swerve I most definitely would have hit him going 59 miles an hour.

But the worst part of that was that I jerked the wheel with my sore wrist and made it even MORE sore. ANOTHER JERKWAD IN THE WORLD.

We finally got back to the mountain around midnight on Sunday night, and I didn't work 'til noon on Monday so I got to sleep in, which was great. I was so happy. I slept well, my coffee was delicious, I didn't gain 5 lbs from the breadsticks I ate at Olive Garden... life was looking up!

...until I left for work and realized I had left my work computer four hours away at my parents' house in San Luis Obispo. IDIOT.

Then I went to work convinced that I was going to have to just go ahead and drive home and back to get my computer, and obviously I was the biggest idiot for forgetting my computer, and also I could hardly move my wrist, and my eyes were so dry, and I totally cried like all day because I'm not dramatic.

Then we watched Revenge and I just don't understand where Jack's eyebrows are. Also that whole show makes me roll my eyes because it's DUMB but I can't stop watching.

Oh and while we were with my family I accidentally told people about how I tried to make pulled pork last week but it "wouldn't pull" and later I found out that the plug had come out and that's probably why it was purple and difficult to cut and everybody kept making fun of me which normally wouldn't upset me but, you know, hormones.

But then tonight I saw this sign at the grocery store and it made me happy that somebody corrected the imbeciles who work at the mountain grocery store.

Updates: My wrist is now fine, my dad is shipping me my computer and I should have it by the end of the day, I plan on mailing Jack an eyeprow brush and powder, and no damage was done to Bruce Wayne from the jackwad.

Thanks for playing. How has YOUR week been?


  1. I'm just mad at Keith for not going to look at engagement rings...

  2. I definitely would have gone back in the restaurant and had them announce that the stupid white car was being towed. I mean, they basically molested your car and even if you didn't have them towed the fear that it was would make them think next time they park like an idiot.

  3. My whole life has been a bad day lately. I can totally relate.
    Beardy Heart Beauty

  4. Please help me name my car. Black Ford Edge. I think it's a she.

  5. I love that sign... It makes my life happier every time I see it. Sorry you've had a bad week, it just means we REALLY need to make solid plans.

  6. Awww I'm sorry that you've had such a hard time.

  7. HAHAHA that photo of you. I'm sorry for the hell you went through but that photo is just epic.

  8. Some weeks are just the worst, hopefully it's all up hill from now on!! :)

  9. I absolutely would have gone back into the restaurant and yelled at that idiot. What a skank move, NO ONE touches Bruce Wayne’s butt. No one. “The plug had come out?” What does that even mean? It sounds dirty. I am therefore deeply interested.

    But somebody touched 'his' butt, and it made me giggle... because I'm super mature.

    Also, WHO RUNS INTO THE MIDDLE OF A HIGHWAY? Idiots, that's who.

  11. I just really like that your car's name is Bruce Wayne. Also, Revenge is SO DUMB. Like, when did it get so dumb, because I remember being totally 100000% obsessed and not thinking it was at all dumb when we Netflix-binge-watched the first two seasons, so I guess this season all of a sudden just decided it was time to get dumb. But yeah, still can't stop. Such is life.


  12. I love that your car is named Bruce Wayne. That's my bunny's name.

    I'm sorry about all the crappy things that happened, but isn't it great when something as simple as a hand-corrected sign just makes everything better?

  13. :( I'n so sorry! I hate those moments.... they're the worst!!! Life sucks sometimes, but I'm glad it all worked out. Love you!

  14. I love that you can talk about a bad weekend in such good humor!!

  15. HOW DID NO ONE ELSE CATCH HOW FUNNY YOU ARE? You called them VD cards. Which made me laugh because, like, do they come with free VD?

    Yep, I am SO INSANELY immature.