Monday, November 24, 2014

My GPS is out to get me and my first snow

The past five days have not been the best.

On Thursday, I decided I needed to go to Target because I needed some necessities, so I googled the closest Target and saw that I could get there in about 30-40ish minutes, which isn't bad considering that about half that time is me driving like, 25mph down the winding mountain road. I plugged the address into the GPS on my iPhone and headed off, listening to 1989 (but skipping "Welcome to New York") for about the 187th time. I had been driving for about an hour and had already passed a Target on the side of the road and when my phone told me I had reached my destination and it was a small dead end road, I realized something had gone wrong.

The GPS on my iPhone had changed "1234 Sterling AVENUE" to just "Sterling ROAD." And I had driven literally twice as far as I needed to, and every time I tried to put "1234 Sterling AVENUE" into my GPS it kept changing it to "Sterling ROAD" and I still have no idea why.

I turned around to go back to the Target I had seen on my way to the wrong location, and eventually figured out that the Target I originally wanted to go to was less than 2 miles off of the freeway at the bottom of the mountain. I didn't even care that it was an old Target that didn't have the plastic carts or the grocery store section, because it was Target and they had the makeup that I needed and I also bought a box of Cheez-Its and ate half of it on my way back up the mountain and then I had ninja mimosas and it wasn't the end of the world.

THEN on Friday evening I was supposed to something up here in the mountains for a potential job, so I stupidly plugged the address into my phone again and headed off, eating more Cheez-Its on the way. Guess what happened?


My phone again changed the address, and took me to a general area that was in no way specific to where I needed to be, and it was dark, and my eyesight is poor in general but in the dark it's like a billion times worse, so I was driving around trying to find a spot to park to reprogram my GPS. When I finally found a spot, I looked at my phone and I didn't have reception, so the GPS wouldn't load. So I tried to drive around to find a place with better reception but then somehow I ended up on the highway that leads down the mountain and since I couldn't see very well I couldn't tell where the spaces to turn around were until I was past them, and then there was a barrier in the middle of the road so I had to drive halfway down the mountain before I could turn around.

So then I sat on the side of the highway, sobbing my eyes out into my nearly empty box of Cheez-Its and feeling my mascara drip down my face and not being dramatic at all. By the time I made it back up the mountain it was past 6 o'clock (the event had started at 5:30) and I still didn't know where I needed to go so I just went to Keith's house and he was really supportive of how lost I got and I mean, how could he not be when this is what the roads up here look like:

(I crossed out the name of the lake and a road because some of you might be stalkers, I don't know.)

Then on Saturday I headed to my house (aka Keith's parents' house) for a while, and when I pulled into the driveway there was water everywhere, and it hadn't rained since Thursday night. I immediately freaked out and assumed that the pipes had frozen (even though I had turned the water off and the heater on) and their house had flooded. I freaked out and ran up to the deck and almost cried tears of joys when I saw that their house had actuallly not flooded, but there was snow on the deck. SNOW. THERE, WAS. SNOW. IT WAS MY FIRST SNOW. YAY!



THEN yesterday we drove down the mountain so Keith could go to the fashion district in LA with a friend to get a tux for a wedding he's in in December. I opted to hang out in Panera Bread and work on my NaNo book, and I'm glad I did because the fashion district doesn't appeal to me. Well, we stopped at McDonald's on the way there because I wanted a hash brown and he wanted parfaits, and while we were in the drive thru I was like, "What's that squealing? AH! IT SOUNDS AWFUL!"

Any guesses what it was?

I'll just tell you. It was my brakes. Every time I touch my brakes they squeal and screech and just sound like they're in pain. Keith told me not to worry, that brakes are designed to make noise when they need to be changed and they probably weren't going to go out that day and they weren't grinding so it was fine, but all I was seeing were dollar signs because car stuff is so expensive, you guys. AND I'm supposed to drive home tomorrow for Thanksgiving and well, that just doesn't seem smart to do when my brakes are going out.

So we went our separate ways and after like five hours we got back in the same car and started going back up the mountain and Keith told me that he replaced the brake pads on his truck and he could probably replace them on my car too and it was like angels were singing.

And then they sang louder when we got home because he looked it up and was like, "Oh yeah, I can totally replace those." And I'm not going to tell you for sure but I may have cried from joy when he told me that because like I said, car stuff is so expensive, you guys.

So that's my story of how I did not have a great past five days (except for the snow).

Thanks for letting me rant.

Now look at a picture of Clementine sleeping.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

What happened when we watched The Conjuring

Hi good morning you guys. Does anybody want to talk about how I woke up at 5 this morning for no good reason? No? Some of you get up that early just for fun (NATALIE)? Ok FINE then, never mind. Do you want to talk about how I bought International Delight coffee creamer instead of usual Natural Bliss just because the ID kind had hazelnut AND it was only $1.99? Anyone? Bueller?
I guess I'll just go ahead and bore you with a long winded story about Keith's and my (also fyi: it is NEVER "Keith and I's") night last night?
First, some background: apparently about two weeks ago, a few days before Halloween, I was stupid and told Keith, "Sure! We can watch a scary movie on Halloween! The Conjuring? OKAY THAT SOUNDS GREAT!!" (That was probably one of the nights when I had one too many mimosas and I really wanted to be the fun agreeable girlfriend.) Well, on Halloween night we didn't watch The Conjuring and I don't remember why but it probably had something to do with me insisting that we binge watch Jeopardy! instead, and for some reason I got my way, but that just meant that I was putting off the inevitable.
I loathe scary movies, especially scary movies involving demons, because I believe in demons. I don't believe in ghosts, but I truly believe that demons and spirits are real and the more you know about them the more likely you are to be aware of their presence. So like, ignorance is really bliss, in my opinion. Anyway...
...the inevitable happened last night.
Around 6:30 I said, "You know, I think I would like some ice cream tonight," and Keith said, "That would be great." And then I realized that we hardly had any ice cream available to us so I generously offered to go out into the frigid (40 degrees) evening and brave the darkness and go to the grocery store so we could have more ice cream. And Keith was like, "Cool. Bye."
I came back with 2 cartons of ice cream, a chocolate bar (which I'm hiding in my car because I don't want to share), bananas, avocados, salami, and coffee creamer. I had [stupidly] assumed that I would scoop us each giant bowls of ice cream and I would be able to take my mind off the scariness of the movie by focusing on shoveling the ice cream from the bowl to my mouth.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha, silly Juliette.
Keith: Let's watch The Big Bang Theory while we eat our ice cream.
Juliette: ...why can't we just start the movie?
Keith: I don't want to eat while we watch the movie.
Juliette: But that's the WHOLE REASON why I went out to buy more ice cream... so we could eat it WHILE WE WATCH THE MOVIE.
Keith: But if you're eating then you can't concentrate on the movie.
Juliette: It's called MULTITASKING. [picks up phone]
Keith: What are you doing?
Juliette: Tweeting this.
Keith: Hey! You're making me sound dumb! Like I can't concentrate on more than one thing at a time!
Juliette: YOU SAID IT, NOT ME.
Keith: If we eat the ice cream while we watch the movie won't be as scary because we'll have to stop the movie so you can go take the dishes to the kitchen and wash them.
Juliette: ......
Keith: *smiles angelically*
Juliette: I'm not going to wash the dishes tonight. I always leave dishes in the sink for like, three days before I wash them, so that argument doesn't work here, sorry.  You can eat your ice cream now and I'll just wait til we start the movie to eat mine.
Keith: Fine. Well, when you eat you tend to talk more and I don't want you to interrupt the movie by talking.
Juliette: OH, NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE. [continues tweeting and laughing hysterically] 
Keith: You're REALLY not going to eat your ice cream until we start the movie?
Juliette: Nope.
Keith: REALLY?
Juliette: Nope.
[five minutes later, TBBT is still on tv and my ice cream is melting.
Juliette: FINE. I'll eat my ice cream now but YOU OWE ME.
Keith: No, we were supposed to watch this movie WEEKS ago but I let you put it off, you're welcome. YOU owe ME.
Then later we argued a little bit about how FREEZING COLD it was in his house, and he was insisting that the heater was on and I was like "no buddy, it's not. I can practically see my breath." But I was wrong because the heater actually WAS on, it was just set to like 50 degrees to keep the pipes from freezing. So I kept going on and on about how it was just blowing around cold air and it was basically air conditioning, and he was saying that the air that was being blown out was warmer than the air in the house (by like, one degree), and I kept saying that it wasn't WARMER, it was just LESS COLD, and then Clementine the beagle sat on my lap and she was a heater and it was warm and everything was fine.
So, when we FINALLY started the movie, it looked like it wasn't ACTUALLY The Conjuring. The beginning was about this doll, Annabelle, and we were really confused because there's a movie called Annabelle and the doll in that movie looked exactly like the doll in The Conjuring, so we spent probably twenty minutes trying to figure out what was going on. Finally we just decided to watch the movie and guess what? It was The Conjuring and we just found out this morning that Annabelle is apparently a prequel to The Conjuring. Maybe the doll thing would have made more sense if we had watched the prequel first, but it really just felt out of place.
Also, Jack Berger from SATC and Renesmee from the Twilight movies were in The Conjuring and one of the other women looked like Kristin Wiig and another lady looked like Dolores Umbridge and that was distracting enough to help me not wet my pants from fright.
There's a chance that at one point I got so scared that I let out a little toot. Fine, it happened four times.

THE MOVIE WAS SCARY and I should have done THIS from the moment Keith suggested that we watch it:
And that's all. Aren't you glad you read this story? Have you seen The Conjuring? What about Annabelle? What are your feelings on scary movies? What about ghosts/spirits/demons?

Thursday, November 13, 2014

The Writer's Block Linkup

Rachael and I are so excited to be hosting the Writer's Block linkup today!! Rachael and I are both participants of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), which is an online "contest" to write 50,000 words of a novel over the 30 days of November. She and I both have several friends who are writers and we've had many conversations about the frustrations of writing a novel (or even writing a blog post). During one of those conversations the idea of hosting Writer's Block was born, and here we are! We're here to talk about anything that has to do with writing. Talk about being stuck in your novel, what inspires you, what you're writing... get creative! We're all here to encourage, inspire, and learn from each other.

I've always been a reader. Some of my earliest memories are of sitting on my Grandma's lap being read to. When I was older and could read on my own, I couldn't get enough. I would beg my parents to take me to the library, and they were usually more than happy to cater to my thirst for words, unless I hadn't done my schoolwork for the day or my room wasn't clean. Yeah, you got spanked? I got my library privileges taken away.

I'm the one in the dress and dirty ballet slippers
Starting around when I was in high school, I started to love writing. I had dreams of one day writing a book, but instead wrote on secret blogs and in notebooks. One of my best friends, Cristen, encouraged my writing and we have spent many hours over the 10 years of our friendship just sitting in coffee shops, bookstores, or in our homes just writing. Since high school, my writing process has changed a lot, mostly for the better. The NaNo writing process is my favorite because I work best under pressure. (I mean hello, I always write my blog posts at the very last minute and I was always that student printing off essays five minutes before they were due.)

So, let's talk about WHY I love the NaNo process.

1. Quantity over quality.
The goal of NaNo is not to write the next great American novel in one sitting, it's to write 50,000 words. Anywhere you look for writing tips you will find things that tell you the first draft of any novel is usually total garbage. The first draft is the bare bones, and the editing process is where you fill out your novel, giving it life and making it beautiful. Remember, it's easier to delete things than to add thing, so it's encouraged to write about things you think may be totally ridiculous. I did this and ended up writing around a thousand words about a baked potato. The baked potato may end up getting deleted when I go through and edit my book, but for now, it's there and it's upping my word count, and that's the goal.

2. Write without thinking.
What, does this not make sense to you? It's one of my favorite things. Many times I will close my eyes and just type for a while, imagining scenes and writing things, and most of the time I write things that I never would have if I had been thinking about it. My favorite way to do this is through sprints, where you focus only on writing for a set amount of time (30 minutes is good). I have to close out of any social media websites and turn my phone over so I can't see the screen or I'll get distracted.

3. There's an endpoint... and a prize!
Knowing that I only have 30 days to do this and then it's all over gives me a burst of energy that I wouldn't have if I had as much time as I wanted to write. Of course, for a procrastinator like me it's easy for me to say, I still have 17 days left so I can up my word count tomorrow if Keith and I decide to drive all over LA today, and that's not great. So there is some responsibility I have to have, I guess. And at the end of the month, if you win NaNo, you get a t-shirt! I mean, you have to buy the t-shirt, but you're not allowed to buy it unless you've uploaded your 50K words onto the NaNo website, and I think that's pretty cool.

4. The community.
Coincidentally, the community is also one of my favorite things about blogging. On the NaNo website there are forums where you can go and ask any question and people will answer you. Really, any questions. Some of my favorite questions are, "Does anyone live where there are bears?" "What does a hangover feel like?" and "Goats! And spinning goat hair into yarn". 

If I'm not on the NaNo forums, I'm texting my writing friends. Usually it's stuff like, "I think I might have my main character get a tattoo," "MY WRITING SUCKS NOBODY WILL EVER WANT TO READ IT," "Words are hard," or something like, "Wine helps me write." It's really encouraging to talk to people who are going through things like you are, and it's even MORE encouraging when one of those friends has actually finished her manuscript (LINDSAY) and you have proof that it actually can be done.


So, what are you writing? What's your favorite writing music? What do you do to help you get through writer's block? Link up your post below!!

And if you want to know what I'm writing, here you go. About two months after [figure out good female name] and [figure out good male name] get married, they go on a hike and the husband suffers a fatal fall from the top of the mountain. The wife is devastated, but guess what? She actually pushed him off the top of the mountain for a lot of reasons that I'm not telling you because if I do you won't buy my book.

~The End~

grab button for Writer's Block
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Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Keith and Juliette's DAY. OF. FUN!

Keith and I had a really fun day yesterday and I"m going to write all about it because I'm putting off doing dishes and laundry and working on my novel and showering, and this blogging is the best procrastination aside from Netflix and sleeping.
So on Tuesday after I put my eyebrows on, we jumped in the car to head down to Buena Park, California to see the Titanic Artifacts Exhibit. Our tickets (purchased through Groupon which I don't know how to work but Keith does so I win and don't have to pay) would have expired on Saturday so we decided to just go yesterday. When we travel (and yes, an hour and a half drive to LA is traveling, shut up) I drive and Keith navigates. We've figured out this works the best for us because I'm really bad with giving directions. Remember that I said this because it'll come into play later on. Twice.

We got in the car and I pulled out my phone to take a picture and Keith said, "What are you doing?" and I said, "I'm taking a picture, do you not know me at all? Smile. NOW."

We stopped so I could get a coffee at Starbucks and I committed the cardinal sin of not taking a picture of my first red cup, but I mean, everybody knows what the red cups look like, right? My Taylor Swift 1989 CD was in the CD player already and it stayed on the entire day because Keith said he would rather listen to Taylor Swift than "that Lady Antebellum crap."
These are details you probably don't need.
So, we walked into the place and I saw this sign
and then I saw a sign that said "NO CELL PHONES AND NO PHOTOGRAPHY" and I was like wow these people need to take a chill pill. So I put my phone in my purse with every intention of trying not to take any more pictures but then I saw the worst fashion faux pas there ever was and I had to take a picture of it.
Don't tell me that I can download the pictures right from Snapchat so I don't have to take a screenshot (BECCA). I keep forgetting to give Snapchat access to my photos until it's too late so you're stuck with a screenshot STOP COMPLAINING.
The exhibit was AMAZING. I love Titanic. Not just the movie with Leonardo and Kate (MY FAVORITES), but the history of it and everything, even though thinking about the sinking and the tragedy makes me incredibly sad because it was completely horrific and devastating. They have it all set up so you can go through all these different rooms and see all these artifacts they pulled up from the wreckage 2.5 miles below the surface of the Atlantic. They had coins, bills, dishes, clothes, toilets, pieces of the ship... if you're close to one of the locations I highly suggest you go see it.
When you enter the exhibit they give you a "boarding pass" of an actual person who was on Titanic, and at the end you find the person's name and find out if you survived or were lost. I was a 1st class passenger so I was pretty convinced I would have survived but... I didn't. In most of the rooms they had photos and biographies of passengers and staff and at the end it told whether they survived or were lost. It was very sobering and I got a little teary at several points because when you're seeing these things and reading these things it just makes it so much more real than if you're just watching it on tv or something.
It took us a little over an hour to go through the whole thing. There were a few children on our tour who were really well behaved, and there was one toddler who cried just about the entire time. I try to be pretty understanding of parents with small children but this one cried the whole time. Oh and there was a service poodle who was being pushed around in a doggy stroller and we had to make sure not to be around that because it kept making me giggle like a schoolgirl because I'm so mature.
After the museum we went down the street to get frozen yogurt. On our first date in January, 2006 we went to Knott's Berry Farm and we got frozen yogurt. Yesterday we could see the roller coasters at Knott's and it was really nostalgic and I kept saying, "AWWWWWWW THIS IS SO ROMANTIC" and he was like, "Yup."
Then we each ate about a pound of frozen yogurt and proceeded to feel very sick.
 Then, we:

-went to Costco for pizza
-went to what was supposed to be a Target "outlet" but was just a normal Target
-went to LA to see the outside of Paddy's Irish Pub from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
-saw some filming happening outside of the building
-took some pictures on Keith's phone because mine wouldn't let me take more photos
-convinced the security people that we were "background extras" so we could stay and watch the filming of NCIS happening

Then we left and Keith said, "Turn left at the next street" and I proceeded to just drive straight because my mind didn't comprehend that the street to my left was the street I needed. So then we accidentally got on the wrong freeway and had to make a U-turn and drove through more of LA and saw old buildings and I danced to more Taylor Swift.

THEN we drove to Riverside where we had a fancy dinner of spicy chicken sandwiches from Carl's Jr. and then we went to a bar to see Keith's friend's band play and that, friends, is where I had the most entertaining night of my whole life (that is an exaggeration).


I feel like maybe the swingers club should be a separate blog post but I'm on a roll so let's just go with it. I snapped a really grainy blurry picture of the club
and I met some swingers in the bathroom twice and one of them was wearing a wig and the second time they all smelled like weed and it was SO strong I thought I was going to die. And most of the dresses were so short that we actually saw buttcheeks. And apparently this is a regular thing that happens on the second Tuesday of every month. And I'm just wondering, like, are these people friends outside of swingers club? And if they want to hang out outside of swingers club do they have to make sure it's clear that they're getting together to hang out and not to swing? And how did this even start? And why was that one guy holding his throat the whole time? And why couldn't they have worn dresses that covered there butts?
Oh and the band was really really good.
And then on the way home Keith said "Ok now get on the 210 from the 215" and I said "OK" but then "Shake It Off" came on the CD and I danced and sang and Keith laughed at me and then he said "YOU MISSED THE 210" and I said "Really? How did that happen? Why weren't you paying attention?" and he asked me how long it would have taken me to notice that I hadn't hit the 210 yet and I said "Probably an hour depending on how soon I had to pee" and then I said "I'll just take an exit and turn around" and he said "NO we'll just find a street name I recognize and I'll get us home" so we found a street name he recognized and then we got EVEN MORE LOST and then finally we did it my way but I was going to go west instead of east and he was like "REALLY YOU WERE GOING TO TAKE US TO PASADENA INSTEAD OF WHERE WE NEED TO GO? WE WOULD HAVE ENDED UP IN LA" but don't worry we were both laughing the entire time and we finally made it home and now I'm here posting this blog and I think this entire paragraph is a run on sentence and this sets a record on my blog for my longest run on sentence.
Tomorrow, Rachael and I are hosting our "Writer's Block" linkup! Are you doing National Novel Writing Month (#NaNoWriMo)? Are you writing a book? Are you a blogger? Tell us about what you're writing, your inspiration, your process... whatever you want!

Monday, November 10, 2014

Things I'm more afraid of than coming down with Ebola

I told Keith I couldn't watch any more football with him because I had to work on my novel for #NaNoWriMo, but here I am writing a blog post instead. And on a Saturday night, no less. WHAAAAT IS HAAAAPPENING? My blogging mojo has been really low lately, I think because I feel like I have nothing to blog about since, well, I'm funemployed and lately I spend my days watching Netflix sleeping writing. My system is totally messed up since I moved, but I'm ok with it. Hopefully things on the job front will start looking up soon, and if not, I haven't forgotten about being the first Real Housewife of the Mountaintop.
Regarding the paragraph above: I had every intention of finishing this post on Saturday night and scheduling it for 6am this morning but then I got really lazy and we started watching Amazing Race and well, clearly that didn't happen.
Let's just move on.
Do you remember a few years ago when everybody was terrified of swine flu? It was like, THE THING to be afraid of. I never got swine flu, and I never new anybody who came down with swine flu, even though apparently TONS of people were getting sick and anytime anybody coughed people were like, "DO YOU HAVE SWINE FLU HERE PUT ON THIS FACE MASK SO YOU DON'T INFECT ANYBODY."
And before that everybody was terrified of carbs. Like, everybody was on the Atkins diet. I know this because I worked at Subway when wraps were a big deal and people were like, ordering wraps with cheese and bacon because NO CARBS and they'd get a Diet Coke and I was just like, how is this helping you lose weight??? But really, anything that allows me to gorge myself on bacon and cheese is ok with me so many Atkins isn't that bad.
Then people were like, oh, let's eat paleo and gluten free because everybody else is doing it! I think the gluten "allergy" drives me crazy more than any thing else. Don't get all mad at me for saying that, please. I know some people legitimately have gluten allergies but NOT EVERYBODY DOES. And I think if you want to eat gluten free just to be healthier you should just admit that and not pretend like you have an actual allergy. If I had Celiac disease I would be annoyed by people who were faking it.
And NOW, the fad disease that's sweeping the nation is Ebola. I completely understand that Ebola is a really big deal and it's a big problem and people die,and I'm not discounting that. What I don't understand is people being so afraid of Ebola. I get it if you live in or around the cities where people have contracted Ebola, but to my knowledge, nobody in CA has been infected. And if they have, well, denial isn't just a river in Egypt. So I don't really feel like there's any point in being afraid of it or worrying about it. Remember, worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but you don't get anywhere.
With that, let me just give you a little rundown of things I'm more afraid of than being infected with Ebola.
-The pipes at Keith's parents' house freezing (because winter and snow and mountaintops) and me not knowing what to do and their house getting completely ruined and them hating me and banishing me.
-Being abducted by Jigsaw.
-Slipping my bare foot into a shoe and feeling a massive (and obviously poisonous) spider.
-Stepping on a spider barefoot, period.
-A snake hiding in the toilet and biting my derriere in the middle of the night when I go do my bidness.
-The brakes in my car going out while I'm driving downhill on the curvy mountain road.
-Taking a sip of water and seeing a spider in my cup.
-Accidentally double tapping a picture on an Instagram that I don't follow (oops that happened over the weekend).
-Never finding a job and being unemployed for-e-ver.
-All my teeth falling out.
-Something bad happening to the dogs while I'm with them.
-And probably most importantly: being hit by a bus.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

What I unpacked first

Have you ever been asked, "If your house was on fire and all people and animals were safe, what one material possession would you want to save?" Of course you have. Everybody has. When I was younger I would give cliche answers, like "my Bible," or "a photo album," or "my journal," or "Mr. Quackers." (Actually I would still probably save Mr. Quackers.) Today, I probably wouldn't grab any of those things. I bet most of us would grab one thing: our phones. For me, that's where everything is. That's where my photos are, that's where texts are, that's how I access my journal (blog), etc etc and stuff.
When I moved, I thought about that question fairly frequently because I was going through boxes, trying to decide what was important enough to me to want to keep, and what I could live without. Spoiler alert: I could actually live without most things that I have. Humans are materialistic bishes. I ended up getting rid of a lot of things: 6 bags of clothes, 2 boxes of "stuff" (purses, picture frames, stuff like that), and random bits of paper from college that had doodles or my signature with somebody else's last name (Keith's, Christian Bale, Elijah Wood, you know, totally normal stuff). Purging felt good.
Once the drive had been made and my boxes were out of the cars, I had what I felt was a similar predicament to the old, What would you save if your house was on fire? question:
What should I unpack first?

What was important enough to me that I pulled it from the boxes before anything else? What could I absolutely not live without? Well, LET ME JUST GO AHEAD AND TELL YOU YOU'RE WELCOME.
1) My Brita pitcher. I bought a new pitcher just before I moved and I was weirdly excited to unpack it and put it in the fridge. I need a Brita pitcher because I am high maintenance and I WILL NOT drink tap water unless the circumstances are dire. My preferred waters to drink are: Aquafina, Arrowhead (but only from the one gallon plastic bottles, if you give me one of the 16 oz or whatever bottles I will look at you like you're crazy because that stuff is disgusting), Nestle, Brita water, and then tap water if I'm dying. I'm a part of the group that does NOT think all water tastes the same. BECAUSE IT DOESN'T. Also when I was a baby and my parents tried to give me tap water it gave me diarrhea so I like, have a legit allergy or something.
If you don't know what this gif is from I feel sad for you.
2) My bathroom stuff. Because I needed to shower and brush my teeth, duh.
3) My coffee pot. It took me about 4 hours to find my coffee pot, and it was in the first place I'd looked, I just hadn't looked hard enough. It was in my laundry basket underneath my shoe container. That makes sense, right? I needed my coffee pot because drinking coffee is one of my addictions. I don't drink coffee for the taste or for the caffeine, I drink it for the same reason people smoke: because bringing the mug to my mouth and sipping is what I'm addicted to and I'm not going to stop and I needed my coffee pot.
4) A nail file. Do you know how many nails get broken when you're moving? At least 4. And I loathe few things more than I loathe jagged nails.
The end. What would you unpack first? DOES DIFFERENT WATER TASTE DIFFERENT TO YOU?

Monday, November 3, 2014

I don't actually know everything

I know I know, when I read that title I get surprised too because I like to think I know everything (which I'm sure isn't annoying at all). But since moving I've discovered lots and lots of things that I realized I never knew and I'm going to share them with you because

1. I realized last week that I don't know how to cook chicken. Sure, I've seen people BBQ it and put it in the oven and I've done that before, but last week when I decided I wanted to make some chicken I realized that I don't know how to turn on the BBQ so clearly I couldn't BBQ it. So then I decided to bake it in the oven with BBQ sauce but I didn't know when the sauce went on or how hot to make the oven or anything. Luckily google saved the day and I made some delicious chicken (BBQ sauce and onions on it, put int in the oven at 350 for 30 minutes and 400 for 10 minutes) but guess what? I must not have cooked it long enough because Keith started feeling sick. But then, miracle of miracles, I gave him some ice cream and s'mores and he felt better. I did not know that dessert could cure a stomachache. I actually thought the opposite.

Since you didn't ask, here's a picture of the dinner. It looks amazing, right? Whatever, at least it's not as bad as Martha Stewart's food pictures.

2. I DID know that the drawer under the oven was for pans and cookie sheets and stuff, but I did NOT know how hot the contents of the drawer would get when the oven was on. I found out just how hot a cookie sheet can get when I reached into the drawer after the oven had been at 350 for 30 minutes and I just about burned my entire right hand off and hopped around the kitchen waving and shaking my hand in the air screaming, "EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE!" (If you're curious, it was the S-word. It's been 6 days and my fingers still look gross but all of them are still intact.

3. I did not know how to restart the router for the computer at Keith's house. This morning the internet was down and I almost died because I couldn't find the router so FINALLY Keith told me where it was but I couldn't fit anything in the little restart hole so I just unplugged something and plugged it back in and it worked. Genius. 

4. I did not know that if pipes freeze it will make water go everywhere. This hasn't happened firsthand but I've been really terrified that the pipes at Keith's parents' house are going to freeze and it's going to be my fault (because I can totally control the weather) and they're going to hate me and I'm going to have to run away. I never said I'm rational. 

5. I did not know what poached eggs looked like or tasted like until last Wednesday when I went to see my good friend Alyssa and her brother cooked us one of the most delicious breakfasts I've ever had. These write things were in a bowl and I was like, "wut r dis?" and the answer was "DELICIOUS."

6. I did not know anything about engagement ring shopping. Alyssa and I went looking for rings for fun (as you do) and I tried on some MUY MUY BEAUTIFUL rings and when Alyssa asked how much one of them was the lady said, "Thirteen," and I was like "THIRTEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS FOR THIS RING HOLY CRAP I DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE SO CHEAP!" And I said to Alyssa, "Did she mean hundred or thousand?" and Alyssa looked at me like Antwon Dodson...

...and said "uh, THOUSAND," but I stupidly thought she was joking and then later she told me she wasn't and I was like "WHOA HOLY CRAP." And yes I have a picture of the ring but no I'm not showing it to you because my nails look awful in the picture and I am so vain, for real, I am really vain.

7. I did not know that my niece could BEE this adorable.

 Just kidding, I did.

8. I did not know that NaNoWriMo 2014 would be so difficult but I'm having a surprisingly hard time with my novel and my measly 1,100 words is not enough for November 3 so if you don't hear from me for a while it's because I'm trying to write all of the words and be like Lindsay the end goodbye.