Oh hey, hi, hello, and good morning to you all. Or, since it's Canadia Day, I guess I should say "Top o' the morning to ya!" or "Cheerio, old bloke!" I'm sorry what? Wrong country? Wrong countries, plural? GEOGRAPHY IS NOT MY STRONG POINT WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP.
...That whole into just inadvertently went to demonstrate one of the reasons why I would be a terrible Canadian. In case you missed the announcement yesterday, Faith, Allie, and I have started a "Blog Every Day In July" challenge. I have been forced to participate and I am supposed to make it clear that I do NOT hate it. Not even a little bit. Anyway, today is Canadia Day, which is Independence Day for Canadia. We have Fourth of July and Canadians have First of July. It's not that hard to wrap your brain around (yes it is). So, to celebrate Canadia Day, I'd like to present you with a list of:
Reasons I would be a terrible Canadian
1. I call Canada "Canadia." You thought I was just misspelling the name of the country for the whole intro to this post? No. You're wrong. I call it Canadia and I refuse to stop. This actually started ten years ago when I was living on a bus traveling around the country with 25 other people for an entire summer. That's a true story, FYI.
2. Canadians are nice. Much nicer than I am. Just spend five minutes talking to Faith and you'll understand just how nice Canadians are. She apologizes (usually for nothing) approximately once every 4.5 seconds. She gets what we like to call "Canadiangry," which is perfectly pictured in the below picture from the internet, and then 3 seconds after the fact she apologizes. She even apologizes for things that aren't even her fault.
Me: Ugh my boss is so annoying today.
Faith: I'm really sorry, eh.
Me: You don't have to be sorry.
Faith: Oh, right. Ok I'm sorry, eh.
3. There is a lot about Canadia that I don't know. Like, yesterday in anticipation of this post I googled a map of Canadia because of this Buzzfeed post and you guys, I'm slightly ashamed to admit that I didn't even know there are "provinces" and "territories." I mean, I knew Canadia doesn't have "states" but if you had asked me what the parts of Canadia are called I would have stared at you blankly and said, "Well, Canadia is where they filmed Degrassi." The map you are about to see is one I took from that Buzzfeed post that cracks me up, mostly because of the conceited llama. Oh and apparently Canadia is the second largest country in the world. Uhhhh whodathunk???
4. Canadia doesn't have Target. Or if they do, nobody cares about it. When I first started talking to Faith she was like, "Wait, what's Target?" and after I picked my jaw up off the floor I tried to explain heaven to her... and it was like trying to describe a rainbow to a blind person. Sort of.
5. Canadian bacon. THAT ISN'T EVEN REAL BACON WHUT ARE YOU DOING.
6. Hockey. Actually I take that back. I like hockey.
7. They have funny words. They call semi trucks "transports." They call bathrooms "washrooms." They call macaroni and cheese "Kraft dinner." They also randomly, carelessly, and with no regard for human decency change the spelling of words. Favourite. Colour. Centre. Fibre. STAHP IT.
8. Everything is more expensive there and I'm cheap. Stuff is just randomly pricier. Have you ever noticed that on some items here in the land of freedom there's a price for the US and a price for Canadia? The Canadian price is always more expensive. WHAT IS THAT ABOUT? I do not like that because I am a cheapskate.
9. Until recently (like last week I think), happy hour was ILLEGAL IN CANADIA. I'm sorry but I just can't get on board with a country that doesn't respect happiness and common human decency.
10. They celebrate Thanksgiving in October. I mean, ok, I get it. I'm not an idiot. I understand why they celebrate Thanksgiving in October, I just couldn't do that. It goes against everything I know and love and hold dear to my heart.
To be clear, I do not hate Canadia. I love Canadia because duh, Faith, and I want to go there someday. I would just be a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad Canadian person.