It was Wednesday evening, and I was meeting with some friends, so I told Kevin I was going to be ignoring him for a couple of hours. Around 8:15 our meeting ended, so I called Kevin on my way home because I'm a good girlfriend and not clingy at all. He didn't answer, and I was like, that's weird, he always answers when I call because we're still in the honeymoon stage and can't get enough of each other. But I convinced myself he was probably just busy or away from his phone (what's that even like, to not be attached to your phone?). When 20 minutes went by and he hadn't texted or called me back, I started to get concerned, because what else could he be doing with his life other than waiting anxiously to hear from me? So I sent him a text saying something cute and flirty (obviously). And then I didn't hear back from him. So I texted him again. And then I texted him again. And then once more, for good measure. That's four texts, in case you were counting.
So I called him.
And he didn't answer.
So then I saw that Facebook said he was online, so I messaged him.
And at this point it had been like, a good hour, so I did the most reasonable thing: I started thinking of reasons why he could be ignoring me. Guess what my first thought was?
OMFG WHAT IF HE DIED???
Yes. His death was the first thing that went through my mind. In my mind it was perfectly plausible that this healthy man just keeled over in his living room while watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and playing with dogs and just died. And then my thought process went something like this...
Ok, if he IS dead, what am I gonna do? I don't know any of his friends' phone numbers so I can't ask anybody to go check on him. At least the last text he sent me was really sweet. But that was too long ago. An hour of silence is too soon to call the police and ask them to go to his house, probably. Plus there is only a sheriff in his town so he's probably busy... or not, I mean, it's a small town. I wonder if he has a deputy like they did in Mayberry? FOCUS. Realistically, he's probably not dead. Maybe he's just in the shower... the longest shower of anybody's life, ever. Or maybe we're in a fight and I forgot about it? No, I would definitely remember that. Maybe this is a test to see how long he can ignore me before I freak out? I'm probably failing. No, he would never do that. He's not that kind of guy. Ok, so logically, he's probably dead. That's the only explanation. I could google his city and see if there are any articles about a man being found dead in his house tonight? No, they probably haven't put anything on the internet about his death yet. Ok, THINK. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
So I decided I'd call him once more, and then, if I didn't hear from him by the time I got up for work the next morning, I would be actually concerned. So I called, and the phone rang, and then FINALLY...
"Gfhulloeuowr?" His voice was groggy. But he answered.
OMG did somebody break into his house and hit him on the head and he was unconscious and now he's coming to??? .......Oh... wait a second...
"...were you sleeping?" I asked warily, feeling badly that I'd woken him up, but also elated that he wasn't actually dead.
"Uh yeah... I'll call you back in a few minutes, ok?"
"Oh yeah, totally. That's fine. Take your time. Go back to sleep if you want to."
I FELT SO BAD. I WOKE HIM UP AND I ALSO THOUGHT HE DIED.
He called me back and laughed when I told him my thought process, and then he said it reminded him of this one time in college when he was driving down to visit me and he wasn't answering his phone (because he was DRIVING and talking on the phone while driving is illegal) so I freaked out and googled car accidents on the freeway he was taking and thought he was splattered on the freeway and I sobbed and told all my friends my boyfriend had had an accident because google told me so.
And that is why I need to stay off the google after dark, and also I need to just calm down and be a little more practical and stuff.
Do you ever panic because you're overly dramatic? ...or am I just crazy?