Friday, March 21, 2014

When I thought my boyfriend died

It was Wednesday evening, and I was meeting with some friends, so I told Kevin I was going to be ignoring him for a couple of hours. Around 8:15 our meeting ended, so I called Kevin on my way home because I'm a good girlfriend and not clingy at all. He didn't answer, and I was like, that's weird, he always answers when I call because we're still in the honeymoon stage and can't get enough of each other. But I convinced myself he was probably just busy or away from his phone (what's that even like, to not be attached to your phone?). When 20 minutes went by and he hadn't texted or called me back, I started to get concerned, because what else could he be doing with his life other than waiting anxiously to hear from me? So I sent him a text saying something cute and flirty (obviously). And then I didn't hear back from him. So I texted him again. And then I texted him again. And then once more, for good measure. That's four texts, in case you were counting.
So I called him.
And he didn't answer.
So then I saw that Facebook said he was online, so I messaged him.
And at this point it had been like, a good hour, so I did the most reasonable thing: I started thinking of reasons why he could be ignoring me. Guess what my first thought was?
Yes. His death was the first thing that went through my mind. In my mind it was perfectly plausible that this healthy man just keeled over in his living room while watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and playing with dogs and just died. And then my thought process went something like this...
Ok, if he IS dead, what am I gonna do? I don't know any of his friends' phone numbers so I can't ask anybody to go check on him. At least the last text he sent me was really sweet. But that was too long ago. An hour of silence is too soon to call the police and ask them to go to his house, probably. Plus there is only a sheriff in his town so he's probably busy... or not, I mean, it's a small town. I wonder if he has a deputy like they did in Mayberry? FOCUS. Realistically, he's probably not dead. Maybe he's just in the shower... the longest shower of anybody's life, ever. Or maybe we're in a fight and I forgot about it? No, I would definitely remember that. Maybe this is a test to see how long he can ignore me before I freak out? I'm probably failing. No, he would never do that. He's not that kind of guy. Ok, so logically, he's probably dead. That's the only explanation. I could google his city and see if there are any articles about a man being found dead in his house tonight? No, they probably haven't put anything on the internet about his death yet. Ok, THINK. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
So I decided I'd call him once more, and then, if I didn't hear from him by the time I got up for work the next morning, I would be actually concerned. So I called, and the phone rang, and then FINALLY...
"Gfhulloeuowr?" His voice was groggy. But he answered.
OMG did somebody break into his house and hit him on the head and he was unconscious and now he's coming to??? .......Oh... wait a second...
"...were you sleeping?" I asked warily, feeling badly that I'd woken him up, but also elated that he wasn't actually dead.
"Uh yeah... I'll call you back in a few minutes, ok?"
"Oh yeah, totally. That's fine. Take your time. Go back to sleep if you want to."
He called me back and laughed when I told him my thought process, and then he said it reminded him of this one time in college when he was driving down to visit me and he wasn't answering his phone (because he was DRIVING and talking on the phone while driving is illegal) so I freaked out and googled car accidents on the freeway he was taking and thought he was splattered on the freeway and I sobbed and told all my friends my boyfriend had had an accident because google told me so.
And that is why I need to stay off the google after dark, and also I need to just calm down and be a little more practical and stuff.
Do you ever panic because you're overly dramatic? ...or am I just crazy?


  1. Um when my husband and I were dating I sent police to his house because I was convinced he choked to death or slipped in the shower and drowned (we weren't 80) (he was Napping too...but it was a really long nap, in my defense) and when he traveled for work I googled car accidents almost the whole time if he wasn't answering. So, you're completely normal in my book.

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  2. I could have wrote this myself, that's how much I relate to it. I alwayssssss think death. My boyfriend has to take all the crazy LA freeways every single day AND he's an electrician. So if I don't hear from him, I immediately think he got electrocuted and died or is dead on the freeway.

  3. My sister was sick the other night and when she hadn't responded to texts the next morning my husband and I were both separately convinced that she had died. So I called the house and my husband drove down to check on her at the same time. She had turned the ringer off her phone because she hadn't gotten much sleep the night before....But I know how you feel! It's scary. What did people do before cell phones, they were probably a lot less paranoid...

  4. hahaha you crack me up!! I have legit fears of my hubby being dead if he doesn't answer. Mostly because his friends and him do dumb shit ALL THE TIME!!

  5. I get this. Any time Justin wouldn't come home by like 1am after a night out with his friends and I hadn't heard from him in a few hours I immediately assumed he was dead. I feel like this is totally logical and I will not apologize for it :)

  6. I do that too. Because death is for some reason the only acceptable excuse to not text me back within 0.35 seconds of me texting you.

  7. Ha, I totally am the same way. Luckily I don't have a boyfriend right now so I don't have anyone to freak out and be irrational about. ;)

  8. I literally did the exact same thing once...that's a story for the blog...

  9. I do the same thing! My boyfriend works at a gravel pit running heavy equipment/machinery and when he hasn't text me all day I panic and think that he got ran over or something killed him. He has safety meetings a few times a month and the things that could happen are absolutely horrific. Poor guy probably wants to strangle me after I've sent him 10+ texts ha ha!

  10. You are not alone. Whenever I was in a relationship before Brian I always thought people had died if they didn't call me back. Or that they hated me and never wanted to talk to me again. I still kinda think that sometimes, it's only natural for worriers like us haha! Funny story: in law school there were these girls who kept trying to get a hold of one of their guy friends and he wasn't answering for like an hour and they got nervous and called his girlfriend and said he was missing and they were all flipping out and writing on Facebook that Ryan was missing and got all the rest of us all scared and nervous and everyone was freaking out and calling him and they were driving around looking for him and then all the sudden he drives up to his apartment and the girls were like where the heck were you? and he was like dude, I was just playing tennis and left my phone at home, chill. Then for the Halloween party at school he dressed up like a milk carton with his face on it because it was funny.

  11. I thought I was the only one!! I can't tell you how many times I have been convinced my bf has died on the subway so I'll google subway accidents to see if anyone has fallen in (there is no reason for me to believe this, obviously) ... But in all seriousness I'm seeing a therapist about it bc I immediately jump to the conclusion people are dead and like, no bueno!

  12. You are not alone. If my boyfriend doesn't respond to texts within the hour, my first thought is "he sucks and is ignoring me and i hate him", then I think "OMG he probably died and now I feel really bad for saying I hate him."

  13. I can't say you're alone judging from the comments above mine but my first thought when my guy doesn't answer when I call is he must be sleeping lol...BUUUUUT that being said I def have freaked out before. One time a few days went by (doing long distance) and I thought he was dead when I remembered he was floating down a river with friends and no cell service....Felt pretty dumb for that one so I take it're not alone haha

  14. Can I write a book about your life?? Seriously, this is exactly how my brain works!!

  15. I have to say that I have had similar thought processes and given people hell for not responding because 'I WAS WORRIED YOU WERE HURT OR SOMETHING'.

  16. I stumbled across this post randomly & I'm so glad I did because this made me laugh so hard.. because I've totally done this on more than one occasion! But in my defense, the worst time was during a snow storm and my then boyfriend, now fiance, was late for work {we worked together at this point} & his phone was busted & he hadn't gotten a new one yet {why?!... idk!}. As it turns out, he wasn't in a ditch and had actually just mixed up what time he was supposed to work!

  17. Oh no, this is me too! I stopped by my parents house the other week, and like I thought my mom had been kidnapped. Her car was there, so I assumed she was home, but nope. I went inside her purse and house keys just laying out. I flipped a shit for like 20 minutes then finally thought to call her and she picked up saying that her and my dad went to the gym.

    I'm dramatic.

  18. OMGOSH I've been doing this all day. Mostly because my fiance is in Vegas for his bachelor party, so logically he will not be talking to me but I keep freaking out that he is stranded on a roof somewhere (thanks Hangover). AHHH.

  19. living together squashes a lot of the mystery, but i always start to worry a little bit when he's running late. in my defense, he was in a bad multi-car crash a couple of months ago on the way home, so you never know!

    xo. jenn @ hello, rigby!

  20. I think this EVERY time I know Jason is driving home from work and he doesn't answer. EVERY TIME. Then I check traffic along the route. SERIOUSLY who am I? Best part: This morning was the first time that he worried about me and my liveliness. Yep, I went running, as did my upset tummy, so things were… slower than usual due to some unexpected bathroom breaks (TMI?)… when I was 15 minutes late he called my phone (that I leave in my car in my mom's driveway) then texted, then called again. Thankfully I had the good sense to check my phone when we FINALLY returned home. :)

  21. I love you to death, but you are kind of a nut job.

  22. hahahah I've totally had that thought process before.

  23. This happens in my head EVERY time one of my texts or calls goes unanswered for at least 10 mins. I get it. Ha ha!

  24. Omg so glad I stumbled across your blog! You are hilarious. I would have totatlly thought the same thing, my mind always goes to worst case scenarios and don't get my started on googling illnesses! You are fantastic!

  25. Hahah! This is my thought process at least once a week. So funny!

  26. haha...I definitely did this a few times when I first started dating my time he was napping (what is it with not hearing your phone when you are napping thougH?!) and another time, his phone was in the car and he wasn't...he thought I was a bit crazy both times but also laughed it off. I like Kevin :)

  27. Oh my god I do this all the time. My boyfriend and I are always texting and if we're not we tell each other we wont be able to talk. When he's at work I know he has shitty service but one time I didn't hear from him for two whole days (he's at work for 4 days without coming home) and I thought of everything. I was convinced either he was dead or hated me...even though I knew he doesn't really get service. Ugh we're crazy and I love it

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  29. You're hilarious, Juliette! I actually thought something had happened when I read your post. A car accident surely is of no joking matter, and I'm sure you were only looking out for your boyfriend's best interest when you started to worry about him being in one. I guess it's safe to say that it was a normal reaction since car accidents happen everyday. Anyway, I love your blog, and it's always those kinds of posts that makes me laugh. Hahaha! Thanks for sharing! All the best to you! :)

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