So, recently I've been talking to a friend, a friend I haven't seen in several years. A guy friend. You know how when you catch up with somebody you haven't talked to in a while (especially a guy) you have to try to impress them? You make yourself sound just a little more exciting than you are, you do just a few more cool things than normal, and you do some fun activities that maybe you don't actually do in real life.
Here's what I said on the phone: "I've been staying sooooo busy lately. I go on hikes allllll the time. It's so much fun! I love hiking! The trails are awesome. I go like twice a week because I just love the fresh air and the views and everything. It's so fun. I'm such a hiker."
Here's what I should have said on the phone: "I've been staying sooooo busy lately. I go on
hikes Netflix binges all of the time. I love hiking Netflix! The trails shows are awesome. I go watch like twice a week day because I just love the fresh air stories and the views outfits Olivia Pope wears and everything. It's so fun. I'm such a hiker Netflix binger."
WHY AM I AN IDIOT?
He is ACTUALLY a hiker. I know this. That's why I even said it, because I was thinking, "Cool, we'll have something to talk about: hiking." Idiot.
We've actually gone hiking before, but it didn't work out well. I hadn't hiked in like 10 years and I didn't know I was supposed to wear athletic clothes, so I wore jeans. And about halfway up the mountain a picture was taken, a picture that should never see the light of day. So naturally I'm going to put it on the internet for everybody to see.
It would be so great if I could look like this instead:
But I haven't hiked at all yet in 2014. I embellished my life a little bit and it's totally going to backfire on me. And now I have like 11 days to become a hiker. What do you think, is it possible? All I need to be able to do is walk up a mountain at more than a snail's pace and be able to carry on a conversation the whole time. Totally doable. And by that I mean I TOTALLY SCREWED MYSELF.
Or not. Send me good wishes. And maybe some advice. Or some magical powers, that would work too.