Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Just be thankful

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, by far, and it's not just because of the food (although that doesn't hurt). I love that Thanksgiving is about family, food, and [why can't I think of another f-word] feeling grateful [ha! found one]. It also gives way to the excitement and anticipation of Christimas, because even though the stores have had Christmas things on the shelves since July, now nothing stands between me and gingersnaps, which tie with shortbread cookies for most underrated Christmas cookies. Before I digress any more, let me just leave you with my Thanksgiving Thankful list because everybody's doing it and I'm nothing if not a bandwagon jumper onner.
Oh that's not wine, it's Martinelli's because we're full of excitement and sobriety.
-My faith. I don't discuss it very much on the blog, but it's a big part of who I am.
-This blog.
-That baby powder doubles as dry shampoo.
-That ombre is a style so I don't have to worry about getting my hair highlighted anymore.
-Blog friends...seriously, you are all amazing.
-My family. Even though sometimes they drive me nuts and make me want to rip my hair out, we have a bond that only gets stronger as we get older.
-That big purses are still a thing so when I go to the grocery store or Target I don't have to buy a paper bag for 10 cents since my county banned plastic bags.
-Baby Kate....and her nonexistent eyebrows (don't worry, I'll teach her how to fix that).

-Sweat pants.
-My car. Her name is Bruce Wayne.
-My city and my apartment.
-My job. Even though I complain about it and sometimes hate the 6am wake up call, I love it.
-My IRL friends, who are irreplaceable, hilarious, thoughtful, and all the good words.
-That I'm finally able to embrace and enjoy being single. It took years, but I'm so so so thankful to be here.

-Diet Coke.
-Bubble gum.
-Funfetti cupcakes.
-Funfetti cupcakes with rainbow chip icing.
-In N Out burgers.
-Pie (duh).

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Friday, November 22, 2013

I have supersonic hearing

Last night I responsibly turned off Sons of Anarchy at a reasonable hour (10pm) because I could barely keep my eyes open. I got all ready for bed and snuggled into my flannel sheets with Mr. Quackers in his usual spot on my left side, and started drifting off, hoping to dream about food. Then I realized that something didn't sound right. In fact, something sounded very, very wrong. I lifted my head up off my pillow and knew immediately what I was hearing: a truck idling. But not just any truck, a truck that I'm sure is competing for the title of The Truck That Has the Loudest Idle in the UNIVERSE Ever of All Time and Just Wants to Ruin My Life.
I assume it was a diesel truck because one of the limited automotive facts I know is that diesel trucks are LOUD. Much louder than my little Honda Fit, and it was obnoxious.
Don't believe me? Here, I searched for the sound effect on YouTube so you can understand what I was trying to sleep through.

That truck is the DEVIL.

Let me just tell you right now that I'm a pain in the ass when it comes to sleeping. I like to think I'm pretty go-with-the-flow in most situations, but when it comes to sleep, I'm so high maintenance.  When I'm going to sleep by myself in my bed in my apartment, I need silence. Like, SILENCE. It's always been this way. Growing up I would bang on the wall my bedroom shared with my brother's room if I could hear any hint of noise coming from him. Music, talking, rolling over in bed...you name it, I heard it. I used to use earplugs, then I just used a fan to drown out the noise, but when we moved into the apartment I tried to sort of get mature or something and I stopped using a fan and also I didn't have a fan to take with me and I didn't want to buy one because dolla dolla billz y'all. I got used to hearing the airplanes fly over us, the drunk people stumbling around at 2am, and the stupid mockingbirds chirping my ear off in the morning on the weekends. (I almost called them mockingjays can you tell I'm excited for Catching Fire?) I thought everything was going to be fine.

But last night, that stupid diesel truck was TOO MUCH. Plus, think of how many fumes were being emitted. My town doesn't allow drive thrus because we don't want exhaust fumes ruining our air quality, and these jerks were blatantly disregarding any kind of environmental friendliness ever. They obviously are too cool to be bothered with stupid things like air quality or the environment though. They probably throw plastic water bottles in the ocean.

The truck just sat there, mocking me, for a good half hour. Sometimes the idle would get tired from making so much noise and it would quiet down, like when you rest during a hard workout but then it came back with a vengeance, louder than ever. I swear I could hear it saying, "You're not sleeping tonight because I'm an asshole and I hate you and your life." Then its owners came out and started THUMPING THE BASS LIKE A MOFO and probably having a dance party, but I can't confirm that part. Then they'd turn the music off. Then they'd turn it on. Then the idling got softer, then louder.

And I couldn't sleep because I was just wondering what was going to happen next. Music? A different kind of idle? Laughter? The anticipation of what annoying sound would come out of that damn truck or its owners was too much for me to handle, and I didn't know what to do. I thought of my options.

I could just ignore it...nope, impossible.

I could go outside and find the damn truck and its owners and tell them they need to just STFU. Nope, because I took my contacts are and didn't know where my glasses were and I'm blind. Also I just watched Sons of Anarchy and maybe they were in a gang and would shoot me or something. Plus it's cold. Like, 45 degrees. Brrrrrr.

I could call the cops. Nope, didn't know the number and 911 just seemed dramatic.

So I did what any rational person would do: I got out of bed, walked to my [open] window, and looked for the truck. That was a stupid idea because I was blind. So I banged on my window and said "AAAARGHHHHHHHFFFFFFFFFFF" and crawled back in bed.

Five seconds later the truck drove away.

Realistically it probably wasn't my Oscar-winning performance at the window that caused them to GTFO, but I like to think it was. I mean, I'm obviously just a badass, and the sight of me peeking through the blinds and making the noises of a mangled cat were just too much for them to handle. Oh but don't worry, they were back before 6 this morning letting their truck idle again.

If that happens again I need suggestions of how to handle things because I don't think banging on the window will work a second time.

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Thursday, November 21, 2013

Once I dated a guy from the internet

(Co hosted by Rachael, Melissa, and Rachel.)

One day almost exactly a year ago, I was minding my own business in Target looking for some wine to hide in the closet of my bedroom at my parents' house when I ran into a family friend. We got to talking and I told her I'd been living in the area for about 9 months and was loving it. Then she asked the inevitable question:

"So are you dating anybody?"

I told her no, and then went on to tell her all about how I felt like everything in my life was amazing and I was happier than I'd ever been, but I just felt like a little piece was missing: a guy. And I didn't know what to do about it, because I didn't know where to go to meet a guy. There were no young single guys at my church, I work in an office with two other people, and I hadn't run into anybody at the grocery store, at the auto shop, at Target, or through friends. Basically it was hopeless.

"Have you tried online dating?" she asked innocently.

I laughed and told her no, that I just couldn't do that. I mean for one thing it's like soooooo dangerous, plus it's sooooo weird, plus what would I tell people? She ended up shooting down all of my hesitation and said,

"I'll be at your house at 7 tonight to sign you up for Christian Mingle, so have your computer ready."

And she was. She came over at 7 on the dot and signed me right up for Christian Mingle. We wrote out a little bio, my interests, what I was looking for, added pictures...all of it. And then we looked at the men. I'm not kidding you when I say that the first guy we clicked on was tall, dark, and handsome, and I may or may not have squealed.

"OHHH! He's CUTE!" she said, and I agreed. We kept looking at profiles but not sending any "smiles" or messages, because I obviously couldn't seem desperate. One thing that sucks about online dating is that you can tell who looks at your profile. And since I didn't want this guy to think I was creepy, I went to his profile on my phone and took screen shots of his blurbs and pictures so I could look at them whenever I wanted and he wouldn't know.

Well, one night I decided to tear into that wine I'd hidden in my closet, and I ended up sending him a smile. Then we started messaging. Then we started talking on the phone. Then he asked me to go out with him the Saturday after Thanksgiving, and I was so excited I could hardly see straight. I bought a new outfit, lied to my parents about where I was going (remember they didn't know I'd signed up for online dating), and told myself to breathe, just breathe.

It was awesome. He had made reservations at one of my favorite restaurants, which was amazing because I had told Jacey the day before that I really hoped he would take me there, and we had coffee after, and our date ended up lasting for a good 5 hours. Then we went out the next night. And the next. And for a while everything was amazing and then suddenly, two months and three days after our first date, I dumped him on a bench outside of a sushi restaurant.
Cliche, but true.

See, I had thought that a boyfriend was the only thing missing in my life, but I was wrong. Nothing was missing in my life! Through that relationship I realized that I don't need a boyfriend to be happy. Through that relationship I realized that if you don't feel like a relationship is right, then it probably isn't. And it's better to get out sooner rather than later. There were several reasons why I didn't feel like it was right. Some of them are serious, some of them seem silly, but all together they made me realize that this wasn't "it." This wasn't going to be forever.

-He introduced me to his parents on our third date. Not kidding you. He just sprung it on me. We were in the car driving to dinner and he said he needed to stop by his house (he was living with his parents too), and oh by the way I'd be meeting his parents. It went fine and we got along great, but the point is that he made me meet his parents on our third date with a 5 minute warning. Not super considerate, dude.

-He wouldn't take me to see Les Miserables. I love musicals, and I thought he would too, because he was a musician. But he refused to see it with me. Not only that, but when I told him I'll just go see it by myself, he made a big deal about how I couldn't do that because it was weird, and couldn't I get my sister to go see it with me? Uh, not the point, dude. Suck it up.

-He never let me listen to the kind of music I liked. It was always electronic/techno stuff with no words.

-He never let me pick out the candy. You may or may not be aware of how much I love candy. I love it so much that for my 23rd birthday my roommates threw me a candy themed birthday party. There was a cake in the shape of a gumball machine! But when we went to CVS to get candy before going to watch a movie (that he picked out, of course), he chose the candy. And he always chose gummi worms and twizzlers. And he chewed them with his mouth open.

-One night we went to dinner on the embarcadero, and I ordered a $6 bread bowl of clam chowder while he ordered a $20 shrimp quesadilla. With our drinks the total ended up being $50. I pulled out my wallet to do the whole, "Here let me pay," "No I got it," "No it's ok let me pay," "No really, I got it," "Ok thanks you're so sweet," deal, but he looked at me and said, "Oh are YOU going to get this???" WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? I paid and he spent the night with food poisoning. CoughKARMAcough.

-He got me a day planner for Christmas. A DAY PLANNER. But I got him season 2 of Community which he hated so I guess we were equally horrible gift givers? No. He was worse. A day planner.

-He never asked me questions. I generally need to be prodded (either verbally or with alcohol) to start talking about myself in a more serious manner, and he was a horrible prodder. One day I printed out a list of "50 questions to ask your boyfriend before you get engaged" from Pinterest just so I could learn things about him. We went to Panera (he paid because I didn't order anything) and it was like an interview.

Me: If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
Him: Flying. Next?
Me: What's your best childhood memory?"
Him: (something I don't remember) Next?
Me: What's your dream job?
Him: (I don't remember what he said) Next?

It was like that for a half hour. He never once asked me questions in return. And I didn't make a big deal out of it because I'm a people pleaser, plus I just stopped caring. Sue me.

-He had never heard of a girl having PMS before she got her period and he thought I was making it up.

-He never gave me flowers. I love flowers. LOVE THEM.

You could argue that I could have made it work if I wanted to, and I think you'd be right. Maybe I'm high maintenance. Maybe I thought about myself and my needs too much instead of him and his needs. Maybe I should have spoken up more, or not gotten so annoyed, or tried to open up to him, but it didn't feel right. And sometimes a feeling is all you need to know what you need to do.

We had a nice breakup, as weird as that is to say. He was understanding, really nice, and it went better than I could have expected, and that was the last I saw of him. I haven't even had a desire to text him since then. So even though I was constantly annoyed and rolling my eyes, I'm glad we dated. It made me realize that I don't need a boyfriend to be happy, and that has taken so much pressure off of me. I still talk about boys and try to flirt, but I'm perfectly content and happy being single. I don't feel sad on the weekends when I'm watching Sons of Anarchy instead of going on dates. It doesn't bother me that I don't have somebody to cuddle with on cold winter nights. I don't get jealous when I see couples posting pictures on Facebook. And I think I needed that relationship to feel this way and to come to the realization that I am not half of a person who needs a man to be whole, but that I am a whole person on my own. I choose how I feel, and I am choosing happy.

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Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Hpnotiq wants you to Sparkle Louder and WIN!

     Every day we get a little bit closer to New Year's Eve, and that means that every day you're a little bit closer to finding out if you've won Hpnotiq's grand prize: a trip to New York City to see the ball drop with three of your closest girlfriends! The contest started on November 4 and doesn't end until December 8th, so you still have plenty of chances to enter if you haven't already. In addition to the NYC trip, Hypnotiq is also choosing four winners each week to win one of 20 Effy Rings!

     Entry is easy, just click here, upload your picture, and add some sparkle! Remember, the picture that sparkles the loudest will win the grand prize!

     I won't be going to NYC for New Year's, but that doesn't mean I won't be having fun! I'm planning on celebration with several friends taking pictures, watching the ball drop, and of course, having cocktails! Since my love of champagne is no secret, I was so excited to see that Hpnotiq has the perfect cocktail for me to serve.
The Dazzler
(more recipes can be found here)

-2 oz. of Hpnotiq Harmonie
-2 oz. of Champagne

Just pour them into a champagne flute and cheers!!

You can enter as many times as you'd like.
I hope you win!

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Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Regrets don't define me

     I'm just over here thinking about About Time and how badly I want to see it again. I can't say enough how good that movie is. Go see it. I've been thinking about it a lot, specifically the time travel aspect. Duh, Juliette, that's what the whole movie was about. If I could travel back in time, where would I go? What would I change? Most people I know say they like to live life with "no regrets," but I'm not like that. There are so many things that I wish I could go back and change, but I also know that's impossible (or is it????? kidding) so I accept, learn, and move on, while still recognizing that if I could go back and change things, I would. So, for fun (and so I have a blog post) let's go back...

...to middle school when I thought that slicking back my hair and shaving my eyebrows was a really good look for me. It wasn't. It was all just so bad. (You can read more about my incredible fashion sense here.)

....to high school and explain to myself that at 25 my metabolism will slow down and my laziness will kick into full gear, so let's just be prepared for that and stop thinking of cookies and bacon as their own food groups, k?

....to my freshman year of college, when I went to a party at CSUN (a school with 35K students) with some of my friends. The party randomly ended up being on the same floor that my ex-boyfriend lived on, and I remember standing outside his door looking at the number and wondering if I should knock. I didn't, but I've always wondered what would have happened if I had. (Although I later found out that he had pink eye at the time so really it's probably better that I stayed away.)

...to my sophomore year of college, when my friend Brian invited me to go to San Francisco with some of our mutual friends for a weekend. I couldn't because it was a training day at Disneyland and I didn't think I could switch it. I could have. I should have.

...to my junior year of college, when I was seeing a therapist who wasn't a good fit for me. I would ask for a different therapist who really listened and didn't make snide remarks about the problems and fears I shared with her.

...to the day I graduated college, and I would take more pictures. I have tons of pictures with my friends, but only one with anybody in my family: my sister-in-law (who wasn't even my sister-in-law at the time). I don't have any pictures with my grandparents, parents, siblings, aunt, and thinking about that makes me mad and sad.

....to when I worked at Disneyland and somebody told me my "torso was too long" for me to be Cinderella but if "that changed" to let them know. I'd ask that b**** exactly what she meant by that. Should I have an elective surgery to remove a vertebrate? What exactly are you trying to say?

...to Father's Day 2010. It was the day after my sister's bachelorette party and she and I were too 'tired' to go to church. Later I found out that a different ex boyfriend had been there. I've always wondered what our interaction would have been like. Probably super awkward.

     But here's the thing: I can't go back, I know that. And I know there's no point in dwelling on these things, so I try to just learn from them instead. Knock on that door. Take those pictures. Don't take anybody's BS. Take that trip. Don't shave your eyebrows.

     What choices will I make today that I'll remember forever? In a few years, what will I wish I had done differently? I don't think there's anything wrong with wishing I could change some things. I think the problem comes when I dwell on it and let regrets rule my life and define me. My regrets don't define me; they shape me. If I'd made different choices I'd be shaped a little differently, and that would be ok. But the choices I make today, tomorrow, next week, etc. will also shape me, and I want to look back on my choices and be satisfied by either recognizing that I made the right choice or recognizing the lesson in my poor choice. Either way, this is life, and I want to live it.
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Monday, November 18, 2013

If this was a weekend recap...

     If this was a weekend post, here's what I'd tell you: that I went to my sister and her husbands house on Friday night and got to hang out with my niece who I love more and more every day. John changed one of her bombs and donned a gas mask a la Walter White because he's not dramatic. Then Saturday he made breakfast burritos and we drank mimosas and I did not play Call of Duty like I was planning to because he only had one controller. So to ease my pain I dressed Baby Kate in white pants because she doesn't have to abide by the stupid "don't wear white after Labor Day" rules because she's a princess and princesses make their own rules.

     If this was a weekend recap post, I'd tell you about how Jacey, Jennie, and I smuggled mimosas and spritzers into About Time and how we took shots and had more drinks afterward and then had to take a cab home...at 8:30pm. And then I'd tell you about how amazing that movie is and how you need to go see it yesterday, and then see it again today and tomorrow.

     If this was a weekend recap post, I'd tell you about how I grocery shopped for healthy food and didn't buy anything fun except feta cheese, which is one of the four healthiest cheeses. I know this because I googled "is feta cheese" healthy because I wanted to make sure I didn't sabotage myself. And then I'd wonder if it's considered healthy to eat feta cheese by the spoonful because that's what I want to do.

     If this was a weekend recap post, I'd tell you about how I bought a rotisserie chicken and then proceeded to get all of the meat off of it and into a plastic bag so that when I make food this week I already have chicken and I don't have to cook. Lazy, healthy recipes FTW or something.

     If this was a weekend recap post, I'd talk about Sons of Anarchy and how I just can't get enough of it, and how I'm amazed that Jax makes the manbun look so effortless (Brad Pitt, Leo, and Jake Gyllenhaal can take lessons from him).

     But since this is clearly not a weekend recap post, I won't be telling you about any of those things. Instead, I'll be trying to plan out more posts for this week so I don't suck like I did last week. And if this was a real weekend recap post I'd put Sami's Weekend Shenanigans picture right here. But I can't get it to work so instead just go click on her name.

     And let's hang out on Twitter. 
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Wednesday, November 13, 2013

17 things every single girl needs to hear

1. You can do fun things without having a boyfriend.

2. Being single isn't synonymous with being lonely.

3. Your happiness is not dependent upon whether or not you have a boyfriend, and having a boyfriend will not automatically guarantee your happiness.

4. Being in a relationship will not make your problems magically go away. You will still have bills, and body issues, and family drama, and anxiety, and whatever else you face daily. Chances are that having a boyfriend will actually make life more complicated.

5. You can "have it all" and still not have a boyfriend. You determine what your "all" is.

6. When people tell you to "stop looking," that's bullshit. Nobody ever really stops looking; they just want you to stop talking about it.

7. It's perfectly acceptable to date two guys in one week. However, it is not acceptable to date two guys in one night. That's just rude. And exhausting.

8. Stop asking your friends why you don't have a boyfriend/when you're going to get a boyfriend/if you'll ever find love again. Nobody has the answer to any of those questions, and they're probably annoyed of you constantly putting yourself down and fishing for compliments.

9. Yes, you're beautiful. No, you don't look like Mila Kunis, Kerry Washington, or Blake Lively. They're Hollywood enhanced and that doesn't count as real.

10. Look at yourself objectively. If you were a guy, would you want to date you? Are you constantly thinking of the negatives in life, or would you provide upbeat and thoughtful conversation during a date? Are you passionate about anything, or do you just agree with what ever the person you're with is talking about? Nobody wants to go on a date with a bad conversationalist.

11. You need to be passionate about something other than finding a relationship. If you're not, then you'll have nothing to give if/when you find a boyfriend.

12. I promise, if you look at your life, you can find things that make you happy that are unrelated to being in a relationship. I promise. Don't dwell on the negatives.

13. Sure, you control your future, but you don't really control your relationship future. That's dependent upon someone else. Someone else has to decide they like you, and love you, and want to marry you. Stop living life just waiting for someone else to come to the realization that you're worth it. You are, but just because you are doesn't mean you'll get married.

14. Hollywood has influenced our culture so much that love is the ultimate goal. This has led to most women feeling inadequate if we're single. This is a lie. Don't be ashamed of being single, and don't feel like you're doing something wrong if you don't have a boyfriend.

15. Stop thinking about all the things that are wrong with you. Everyone has flaws. If there's something about yourself you're genuinely unhappy with, change it. But change it for you, not because you're hoping that change will bring you a man.

16. Man-bashing isn't attractive. Fun, yes, but in the end it just makes you bitter.

17. It's ok to want a relationship. It's ok. But when it starts interfering with your happiness and your self-worth, it's time to change something. Your happiness depends on you. And you are enough. 
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Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Wanna see me juggle?

     Sunday evening Cristen and I went to Starbucks so she could study and I could blog and we could use their wifi and drink stuff out of red cups. It was pretty slow and the barista was pretty bored and he started entertaining us for no reason other than that he was (probably is) just a friendly person.

(Thanks Faith for helping me upload this video.)

     I don't know what it is, but watching people fail hard at juggling cracks me up. I think it's in their facial expressions. I mean, this gif made me cry from laughing three different times.

     That guy didn't have to entertain us. He could have just stood behind the counter and texted his girlfriend and complained about how bored he was sitting in the Starbucks when it was so slow. He could have ignored us and looked at Buzzfeed or Facebook on his phone. He could have just kept to himself, and we wouldn't have thought anything of it. That probably would have seemed more normal, actually. At least, it would have to me.
     I have a feeling that guy is just a friendly guy in general, and it's normal for him to do things to entertain people. Or maybe not, I mean, he could have just had like, 8 shots of espresso and been on a serious caffeine high. But probably not, I mean, his pupils weren't dilated or anything. Anyway, my point is that it made me think about how deep down, I'm really an introvert. If I had been in his position, I would have been on my phone texting my friends complaining about how I was at work instead of at home watching Sons of Anarchy without wearing a bra. Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but the more I think about it the more it makes me think about how nice it was to be around a total stranger who was so friendly, and how I'm not really like that. Every once in a while I'll smile at the checker in the grocery store or nod to a random stranger on the street, but usually I'm wearing my sunglasses or pretending like my phone contains the most important information in the world that keeps me from making eye contact with anybody. But the truth is, a smile from a stranger or a "How are you?" to the checker can make all the difference, and it's not that hard.

     This is making me think too much. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go think about how much of an introvert I am.

     And maybe I'll try to juggle (or at least smile).
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Monday, November 11, 2013

Ninja Mimosas and I suck at geography

(To my friends and family who have served and are currently serving in the military: thank you. And to the friends and family of those who are currently serving, thank you. Your sacrifice, dedication, and bravery is inspirational and supremely underappreciated.
     Over the weekend one of my best friends came to visit: Cristen. She and I met when I was in high school and we both worked at Subway, and she is one of the funniest people I know and living 3 hours away from each other sucks. I'm not going to tell you about how our wall got fixed at 9 on Saturday morning or how I decided to watch Sons of Anarchy instead of cleaning or about how going to Target on a Saturday morning is a new definition of hell... no, I'm going to jump right in and tell you about how I poisoned Cristen with Ninja Mimosas (trademark me).
One shot vodka
A cup
Some kind of orange juice
     Pour the vodka over ice in the cup (don't use a champagne flute because these are the big leagues and flutes don't hold enough), fill the cup 3/4 of the way with champagne, and fill it up with the orange juice. I like to use orange/mango/strawberry/banana/peach or some combination of those because I like my drinks sweet. Stir and drink through a straw.
     I named this a ninja mimosa because you can't even tell the vodka is in there until you've have two mimosas and you feel great until BAM! the vodka hits you and you can't even walk to the bathroom. Cristen and I started drinking the Ninja Mimosas around 3, snacked on cheese and crackers and snickers and fruit, and then at 5:30 (ish, I don't remember) we had a friend drive us downtown to meet Jacey for dinner.

     So we had a beer and a cider and a salad and then we decided to head over to the same place we had the magical shots on Thursday night and get more Cosmos. Except we had flirtinis and chocolate martinis instead. (Google flirtini if you don't know what it is.)
     Then we had another round.
     Dammit, Tom! wasn't there but Nate the bartender was, and he remembered us and got us good and drunk by making those flirtinis S-T-R-O-N-G.
     Then Cristen made friends with an older lady who sells books and we invited her to sit with us and we gave her our phone numbers but she hasn't called us yet.
     Then Nate the bartender asked us why we hadn't taken any shots yet and he brought us something green.

     The only other thing I need to share from this night is an embarrassing story of how when I've been drinking I don't know anything about geography. On our way to get a cab I saw this guy I sort of know from church, and I yelled his name and hugged him and he hugged me back and started talking to me so of course I interrupted him because I'm polite and this is what happened.
Me: Guess what?? My brother just got back from India! Didn't you go somewhere over there?
Him: Uh, well, I went to South Sudan a year and a half ago.
Me: Yeah! That's what I meant! Those are like pretty close to each other, right?
Him: Well, they're both on a different continent so...yes?
Me: That's so cool! You guys both went to places across the ocean!! KAY BYE!
     And we walked away and took a cab home.
     And when we got home it was approximately 8:57pm and our neighbor had to help me unlock the door.
     Then Saturday came and Cristen and I got breakfast burritos and snuggled on the couch while we watched The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King.

     And when Sam was trying to help Frodo up the side of Mount Doom to destroy the Ring of Power, Cristen looked at me and said, "Is that how you feel when you hike?" And I just had to laugh because that statement was SO. ACCURATE.

     We hiked later that day, because that's what you do the day after a night of heavy drinking, right? Hiking is HARD and I was so out of breath. LOOK WHERE WE CLIMBED.

     I'm really looking forward to getting some rain because when we do, all that land you see will be lush and green and it's just going to be so pretty. SO pretty.

     We were exhausted after that hike (it's about a 4 mile round trip...maybe a little less) so the rest of the night we just ate massive sandwiches, snacked, went to Starbucks, and watched Date Night.
     Cristen, come back soon and next time I'll only let us drink one Ninja Mimosa each, ok?? And if our friend from Giuseppe's ever calls us we can all go to her house for dinner.
     Oh and FYI South Sudan is in AFRICA. It's not even on the same continent as India, which I would have remembered if I hadn't been kicked by a ninja.
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Sunday, November 10, 2013

Sparkle Louder With Hpnotiq and WIN!

     I'd be willing to bet that you haven't made plans for New Year's Eve yet. Well don't make any just yet, because with the Sparkle Louder contest from Hpnotiq, you could be ringing in the New Year in New York City with three of your girlfriends! And not JUST New York City, but in Times Square with thousands of other people watching that famous ball drop. Entry is easy: just upload a photo and add your own sparkle using the SparkleLouder app. Your photo can be you wearing what you'd want to wear to watch the ball drop, a group of your friends, or a selfie.  The contest runs from November 4th to December 8th, so you have plenty of time. The best part is that you can do more than one! Here's one of the ones I did:
     If you don't end up winning the grand prize trip to NYC, don't worry, because you can win all kinds of other prizes included but not limited to one of 20 Effy rings, Blue Topaz rings, and more! Click here to enter. When you're sharing your sparkling images on social media, be sure to use the hashtag #sparklelouder!

     One of the great things about New Year's Even is that you really can go all out with your clothes…the more glam the better!! In the above photo my friend Cortney is wearing a completely outrageous Mardi Gras mask, and personally I think that's perfect for New Year's, especially a New Year's spent in New York! Even if I'm not in New York I think that mask would be perfect to wear while serving Hpnotiq cocktails at a party in my apartment.

     So what are you waiting for?? Let me know how YOU would celebrate on New Year's Eve with one of these fabulous prizes, or what your perfect outfit would be, and get ready to #sparklelouder!
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Friday, November 8, 2013


     Last night was supposed to be a quiet night in with some of Jacey's and my mutual friends (we usually do a Bible study on Thursdays). After two cancelations and just a little bit of deliberation, we decided it was time to finally go to happy hour at an Italian restaurant downtown. We'd been wanting to go for a while but it just never worked out, mostly because we tried to go on the weekend and happy hours are few and far between on weekends, which makes sense but it's inconvenient for my life. So we got dressed up (which meant I had to wear a bra after it was dark outside which is a mild form of torture for me) (oh and I wore jeans and I wasn't happy about it) and headed out to Giuseppe's, where I had my first Cosmo, (plus two), a mystery shot, and these delicious spicy baked garbanzo beans. And a meatball slider.
     Since Jacey and I are just bright sunshiney rays of happiness whenever we're together we ended up making friends with the bartenders. That was a total lie, we ended up making friends with them because I was being my usual sarcastic (i.e. mean) self and Jacey was apologizing for my behavior.
Nate the bartender takes away my empty water glass.
Me: Oh now you're trying to get rid of me?
Nate: ...
Jacey: Excuse her, she's kind of mean.
Me: He can take it.
Nate: ....
(Nate gives me a full glass of water)
Jacey: We'll have another round.
     But you know what, this resulted in Nate and "Dammit, Tom!" becoming our friends. Tom was the other bartender, and somehow we ended up calling him "Dammit, Tom!" for the whole night, and he loved it. Several times he was down at the other end of the bar and we would just yell "Dammit, Tom!!" and he'd start laughing. "Dammit, Tom!" just rolls right off the tongue. Try it. OUT LOUD.
     When you're friends with the bartenders they give you free things.
     And they make you mystery shots.
Nate: What else can I get you? Anything you want.
Nate: Uhh...you know what, yeah, sure. Anything.
Me: ... hmmmmm.
Jacey: He's talking about drinks.
Me: Oh. I was going to ask him to do 50 pushups.
Jacey: You're so bad at this.
Me: I know. HEY NATE. I want a flaming Lamborghini.
Nate: I can't light anything on fire, it's against the law.
Me: Sooooo when you said ANYTHING, you didn't actually mean ANYTHING, did you?
Nate: It doesn't count if it's ILLEGAL.
Me: You sound like a quitter.
     Nate walked away and we decided we wanted an ombre drink because it would look pretty in pictures. Jacey said Nate probably wouldn't know what ombre was. I decided to give Nate a little credit.
Me: Nate, do you know what ombre is?
Nate: Sure!
Me and Jacey: Really?
Nate: Yeah, you mean 'hombre' like, you're brother, right?
Me and Jacey: ......no.
Nate: Oh. Do you mean 'hambre' like hungry?
     So we just asked him to make us a drink with 3 different colors. "But colors that look good together so we can take pictures!!"
Nate: You want complementary colors?
Us: YES.
I told Nate I wanted to take a picture of him holding the shot but he refused.
I told him he was no fun.

     This is what he made. It's blue curacao, pomegranate something, and rumplemintz. It tasted like toothpaste but it wasn't bad. Plus it was free so we really had no room to complain. I definitely wouldn't ask for this specific drink, however. No thanks, give me a white gummi bear, a Washington apple, a cactus cooler, or liquid marijuana any day before I'd ask for this.

     Then we left and the moral of the story is that sometimes you need to turn off Sons of Anarchy, put a bra on, and go to happy hour and make friends with the bartenders.

    DAMMIT, TOM!!!
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Thursday, November 7, 2013

My 9 makeup essentials

     Normally I switch up my makeup routine more often than Rihanna switches up her hair. But for the past few months I've been sticking to some key products that I might never get rid of, and I always want to remember them so I'm writing about them on the internet.
     This post could also double as an ad for Maybelline because apparently that's my favorite brand.
     This is also so that in the future if I forget what makeup I like I'll be able to come back and reference this post when I undoubtedly go and switch up my products again.

1. Smashbox photo finish color correcting primer. I started using this stuff when I worked at Disneyland and the other girls swore by it and convinced me it would change my life. Well, that was back in 2007 and I've been using it since then and will never stop. I get it at Sephora (I'm sure you could also find it on Amazon). It's definitely the priciest product I use ($38/full size, $10/travel size) but it's so worth it! I use the green because it's "color correcting" (think of a color wheel, green cancels out red or something like that I think) and it minimizes my naturally rosy cheeks (that I then go and put blush on...girls are dumb). I apply it all over my face with my fingertips.
2. Maybelline Dream Fresh BB cream. I recently started using BB cream when the internet started exploding with people saying it's a life changer. Guys, it is. I've never liked tinted moisturizers but I like to use something lighter than a foundation, and this stuff is PERFECT. I use it a few times a week when I just feel like having a little more coverage. It spreads evenly and I think it's magical. I just apply it with my fingertips (make sure you wash your hands, please).
3. Maybelline FitMe concealer. I LOVE this concealer. It covers without feeling cakey and it lasts all day. I dab it around my eyes (technically you're not supposed to use concealer under your eyes but I like to live life on the edge) and around my chin (that's my problem area, any tips on how to get rid of the blemishes I always have there?) and then pat it in with my fingers. 
4. Maybelline FitMe pressed powder. Can't get enough of this. I use it every day and I love it more than anything I've used before. I've tried Mac, Clinique, Smashbox, Cover Girl, Almay... tons of powders but this one is by far my favorite. I apply using this brush from Target (I used to use this brush also but then I accidentally ran it over with my car) (if you didn't click the links they're both the e.l.f. brand).
5. Maybelline Dream Bouncy blush. I apply this using my fingers and I love the slightly dewy look it gives. (Did I just say dewy? Shut up Juliette you don't know what you're talking about.)
6. Maybelline Volume Express The Colossal Cat Eye (NOT waterproof). I used to switch up my mascara multiple times a month, but I've bought this same mascara 3 times (about to be 4 as I am just about out) and it's amazing. I love the curved brush and the stiffness of the bristles. Tip: start the wand at the base of your lashes and wiggle it back and forth to the tips of your lashes. It makes a difference.
7. New York Colow automatic eyeliner. I'm not too picky about what eyeliner I use. My two requirements are that it's 1) black (although sometimes I use blue or purple, shhhh), and 2) automatic, which means that I don't have to sharpen it. I only use it to tightline, which means I put it on my water line on the top (I do it on the outer edges of the bottom also) at the base of my lashes. I swear by tightlining. Google it if you have questions.
That's what it looks like, if you aren't sure what I mean.
8. Anastasia pressed powder duo (I got it at Sephora but I'm having trouble with their website, so I found it for you on Amazon here). I've been using this every day for almost 9 months and I'm only about halfway through the little container (the color I use is taupe) (I think). Even if you don't think you need to fill in your eyebrows just try it and see what you think. It makes a big difference and personally I think it helps to make the makeup look more polished.
9. Blistex. I'm not even going to link it because you can get it just about anywhere. I am ALWAYS wearing this except for the occasional times when I wear one of the bazillion lip glosses I have from various places. I love this stuff.
     Here's a fun story: in high school when I didn't have anything to do at night (i.e. when I wasn't hanging out at the video/grocery store) I would practice putting makeup on my face and then wash it off and go to bed. Then I'd watch What Not To Wear and pretend I was Carmindy.
     And in case you're wondering, this is what all the makeup looks like when it's all said and done. Bye.

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