Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Spoiler Alert! Ashten was in town.

     Yesterday I was pretty much a zombie and I wasn't ready to write about my blate with Ashten, partially because of the exhaustion but mostly because I wasn't ready to face the reality that she actually had to go back to Atlanta. Distance is stupid and that's why we need floo powder and portkeys (but not apparation because I'm too afraid of getting splinched). Everyone says this, but when I started blogging I never thought I would actually make such good friends on the internet! But I have, and I'm so thankful.
 
     Writing a detailed recap of the entire day would just take way too long plus I don't remember some of it so I decided to just write down some of the things we said. you're welcome.

Let me preface this by showing you the size of the mimosas. These weren't for the faint of heart.


Just explaining the difference between a knife and a shank, because I'm such an expert on the topic.
 NO, Ashten, you can't shank somebody with a knife. You stab somebody with a knife, you shank somebody with a soda can!!




ASHTEN I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM YOU'RE COMING WITH ME RIGHT? COME TO THE BATHROOM WITH ME. WHERE'S THE BATHROOM? COME ON. ARE YOU COMING?



The Starbucks people by my home are so nice.
The bathroom after a couple of mimosas.
Stop judging

One of Ashten's friends has a secret Twitter and wouldn't tell me her handle. Rude.
Me: Wait wait wait wait...what's your Twitter name?
Ashten: SHE DOESN'T TELL ANY OF THE REAL LIFE PEOPLE HER TWITTER NAME. SHE'S FAMOUS WITH A BUNCH OF STRANGERS.
Friend: I'll tell you the one that my friends can know about.
Me: YOU ONLY HAVE 99 FOLLOWERS ON HERE THIS DOESN'T COUNT.

Some people got into a really heated yelling match about football and I just yelled about baseball and somewhere in there somebody threw out the F bomb and we were asked to please shut up because there are children in this establishment.
OH MY GOD DID WE JUST GET IN TROUBLE FOR SAYING THE F WORD? WHO SAID THE F WORD??

I got asked about the Cowboys because I said they're my favorite team (which is true).
Me: Ask me about the Cowboys!!
Some guy: Who's your quarterback?Me: Tony Romo! I hate him!
Some guy: Who's your backup quarterback? Who's your coach?
Me: ... hold on.

Ashten: I feel like we need to make an instavideo.
Me: I was just thinking that!
So we did.

Explaining to people that this was, in fact, the first time we'd met each other.
NO ASHTEN AND I HAVE NEVER MET BEFORE TODAY. We met online. ON THE INTERNET.


     Then we went to a place called "The Pub." I have no idea if that's the real name, that's just what my fuzzy memory thinks people were calling it. I know that I was very tired and apparently I spilled 5 beers. I only remember spilling 2 of them so there's a chance someone lied to me.


There's a good chance I have no memory of sitting on that side of the table.

     Our waitress came up to our table and informed me that it was not actually acceptable to place my head in my arms and take a harmless nap on their table. (So I put my sunglasses on and closed my eyes while sitting straight up.
What do you mean I can't take a nap on the table in the pub?

Me: Ashten, I'm just gonna go outside to take a nap on the patio table ok?
Ashten: Uh no. Actually that would be pretty homeless of you

 

After you spill the 5th beer the pub will only give you a plastic cup of water...with a lid.

Ashten: Hold on, I'm gonna go over to that Steelers fan and yell at him a little.

Ashten (to the Steeler's fan): You know what's NOT broken? Ben Roethlisberger's dick!

So then the Steeler's guy had no comeback, and he turned to me and said,
Oh yeah? Well SHE'S stoned!!

Me: I'm not stoned, I'm wearing my sunglasses because I'm TIRED!Him: ...yeah, you're tired because you're STONED.
(I wasn't stoned.)

So THEN we went to a third place and I proceeded to drink nothing but water for a solid three hours while Ashten took shots of Fireball.

Ashten: Remember when I made a Steeler's fan CRY?

One of her friends kept telling me that baseball is for girls and it's not as good as football and I KNEW he was doing it just to get on my nerves but it still pissed me off, which was exactly what he wanted. Jerk.
NO BASEBALL IS EVERYTHING AND IT IS NOT A GIRLS' SPORT AND FOOTBALL IS NOT A BILLION TIMES BETTER.


Then some more of Ashten's friends came to the bar.
Me: OMG I'm Juliette it's nice to meet you!Her: ...I'm Ashley. We actually met at the last bar...we talked about my wedding...you gave me dress shopping advice...?
Me: ...Um..oh, well THIS is embarrassing.
 
This bar had a BUFFET.
Then I tried to play darts but I lost horribly.
And I dropped a dart on my foot.
 

     ....and that's it. Then I had to go home. If you don't already follow Ashten, what are you even doing with your life do it NOW. You won't regret it. (You probably already do. Let's face it, she's way more entertaining than I am, online AND in person.) Ashten, I'm SO glad I was able to come and hang out with you for a day on your home turf! Come back soon, and next time don't leave because my life is a little sadder now that you're 3 hours ahead of me.

 
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14 comments:

  1. I'm filled with all the jellies in the world now, thanks. Next time I'm totally crashing y'alls party.

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  2. I was feeling serious jealousy of you girls on Sunday...the drunken rowdy football watching looked like the perfect Sunday Funday!

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  3. Ok. There are photos in this post that:

    1. I do not remember taking.
    2. I wish did not exist.

    By Ashley you meant Amanda, and by me making a Steelers fan cry you mean I DEMOLISHED HIS SOUL.

    I want another one of those breakfast burritos. NOW.

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  4. looks like yall had the best time ever. drinking mimosas that large makes everything better

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  5. But was there wine, and pedicabs, and weird boys, and strawberritas, and and and FLAN? No, there was not. I rest my case.

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  6. ^^^I'd love to see said vlog if it exsists!

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  7. Look at you with a blog bestie and shit... Never thought you'd see the day, DID YOU? Next stop: Erin Condren planners and chevron dresses!

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  8. that sounds so awesome!! looks like you guys had a blast. those drinks that were the size of your face - total win.

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  9. OMG sounds like an amazing time!! Making steelers fan cry is priceless!!

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  10. I'll totes come visit you if we can have those mimosas. But ONLY if we can have those mimosas...

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  11. I'm so jealous! Looks like a lot of fun!! Re-introducing yourself to someone is totally something I do more times then I'd like to admit. Oops.

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  12. :) I swear, we would be best friends for realsies. Looks like y'all had so much fun!

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  13. This basically just solidified what I already know... I NEED TO GET DRUNK WITH YOU.

    I love that they gave you a plastic cup full of water... with a lid. You're so classy.

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