Friday, November 22, 2013

I have supersonic hearing

Last night I responsibly turned off Sons of Anarchy at a reasonable hour (10pm) because I could barely keep my eyes open. I got all ready for bed and snuggled into my flannel sheets with Mr. Quackers in his usual spot on my left side, and started drifting off, hoping to dream about food. Then I realized that something didn't sound right. In fact, something sounded very, very wrong. I lifted my head up off my pillow and knew immediately what I was hearing: a truck idling. But not just any truck, a truck that I'm sure is competing for the title of The Truck That Has the Loudest Idle in the UNIVERSE Ever of All Time and Just Wants to Ruin My Life.
I assume it was a diesel truck because one of the limited automotive facts I know is that diesel trucks are LOUD. Much louder than my little Honda Fit, and it was obnoxious.
Don't believe me? Here, I searched for the sound effect on YouTube so you can understand what I was trying to sleep through.

That truck is the DEVIL.

Let me just tell you right now that I'm a pain in the ass when it comes to sleeping. I like to think I'm pretty go-with-the-flow in most situations, but when it comes to sleep, I'm so high maintenance.  When I'm going to sleep by myself in my bed in my apartment, I need silence. Like, SILENCE. It's always been this way. Growing up I would bang on the wall my bedroom shared with my brother's room if I could hear any hint of noise coming from him. Music, talking, rolling over in name it, I heard it. I used to use earplugs, then I just used a fan to drown out the noise, but when we moved into the apartment I tried to sort of get mature or something and I stopped using a fan and also I didn't have a fan to take with me and I didn't want to buy one because dolla dolla billz y'all. I got used to hearing the airplanes fly over us, the drunk people stumbling around at 2am, and the stupid mockingbirds chirping my ear off in the morning on the weekends. (I almost called them mockingjays can you tell I'm excited for Catching Fire?) I thought everything was going to be fine.

But last night, that stupid diesel truck was TOO MUCH. Plus, think of how many fumes were being emitted. My town doesn't allow drive thrus because we don't want exhaust fumes ruining our air quality, and these jerks were blatantly disregarding any kind of environmental friendliness ever. They obviously are too cool to be bothered with stupid things like air quality or the environment though. They probably throw plastic water bottles in the ocean.

The truck just sat there, mocking me, for a good half hour. Sometimes the idle would get tired from making so much noise and it would quiet down, like when you rest during a hard workout but then it came back with a vengeance, louder than ever. I swear I could hear it saying, "You're not sleeping tonight because I'm an asshole and I hate you and your life." Then its owners came out and started THUMPING THE BASS LIKE A MOFO and probably having a dance party, but I can't confirm that part. Then they'd turn the music off. Then they'd turn it on. Then the idling got softer, then louder.

And I couldn't sleep because I was just wondering what was going to happen next. Music? A different kind of idle? Laughter? The anticipation of what annoying sound would come out of that damn truck or its owners was too much for me to handle, and I didn't know what to do. I thought of my options.

I could just ignore it...nope, impossible.

I could go outside and find the damn truck and its owners and tell them they need to just STFU. Nope, because I took my contacts are and didn't know where my glasses were and I'm blind. Also I just watched Sons of Anarchy and maybe they were in a gang and would shoot me or something. Plus it's cold. Like, 45 degrees. Brrrrrr.

I could call the cops. Nope, didn't know the number and 911 just seemed dramatic.

So I did what any rational person would do: I got out of bed, walked to my [open] window, and looked for the truck. That was a stupid idea because I was blind. So I banged on my window and said "AAAARGHHHHHHHFFFFFFFFFFF" and crawled back in bed.

Five seconds later the truck drove away.

Realistically it probably wasn't my Oscar-winning performance at the window that caused them to GTFO, but I like to think it was. I mean, I'm obviously just a badass, and the sight of me peeking through the blinds and making the noises of a mangled cat were just too much for them to handle. Oh but don't worry, they were back before 6 this morning letting their truck idle again.

If that happens again I need suggestions of how to handle things because I don't think banging on the window will work a second time.

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  1. We live close to a train station, so every night we hear trains. And there's an intersection that is irrelevant because the building that was there is knocked down. But because of laws, the trains still have to whistle when they're approaching said intersection. What pisses me off is when a conductor decides to whistle over and over and over again while approaching the ABANDONED intersection at THREE O CLOCK in the morning. So messed up. Luckily, I have an air purifier and it's loud enough to drown out some of the noise.

  2. Oh man that would so annoy me. I live close to a train station too but it's not ground level so no obnoxious whistles or anything at all hours of the night. I think the most annoying occurrence whilst sleeping was 4th of July, fireworks from 9pm til THREE am, I wanted to yell at my neighbors but I called the "non- emergency police line" and reported them. I love fireworks, but at three am when I had to get up at 6 am for work... I wasn't too pleased.

  3. If there is too much noise in my house I just cough really loudly and make sure everyone can hear that I'm still awake when I said I was going to bed hours ago. Also, last year my neighbors threw a party on a Monday night, because I guess, why not? And decided to have a karaoke party at 3 in the morning. I debated what to do for about 2 hours and then yelled out my window "Thanks for the invite" and they never had a party again.. Or maybe they did, I moved out like 4 months later to a bigger better apartment!

  4. Download an app on your phone for white noise... that's what I use!! The one I use is called "relax and sleep" which is SUCH a creative name, right?... but it works. I recommend it and I know how it feels to be a dragon lady when you can't your well deserved sleep. Shits messed up.

  5. You don't want to live in the south because mocking birds are terrible here (hello state bird of Alabama) and every redneck and their mother drives trucks with sawed off mufflers or muffler kits and they are SO LOUD like ridiculously loud. Also fans are only like 10 bucks at wally world.

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  7. This post made me laugh because it sounds exactly like me! I hate hate hate being woken up, I need my sleep and people need to understand that and shut the hell up!
    I would have done exactly what you did but I wouldn't have lasted half an hour - I have actually thrown water out of my window on my friends kids before now - many years ago when I was working three jobs and they were out there at 3am stood outside my window chattering (I was living somewhere different then) when they all live further up the street and could have chatted there, I opened the window and yelled at them, they said they were going, ten minutes later still there Boom bucket of water - Emma doesn't like being woken up now go away! Funnily enough it never happened after that. hehe!
    Strangely they are all now early twenties and this is brought up often when everyone gets together and we still laugh about it - they still love me too which is funny! :)

  8. The last placed we lived at was right by the high school and I heard band practices all the time, stupid teenagers driving by with their bass turned up, crazy neighbors that were always outside yelling, you name it. I couldn't stand it! Now, luckily, all we have to listen to is the train and that doesn't bother me too much.
    I do, however, love the sound of a diesel truck :) just not crazy late at night or first thing in the morning ha ha.

  9. You poor thing! I'm the exact opposite and can sleep through almost anything! I think your look-out-the-window-and-grunt/whine will work every time!!

  10. I have supersonic hearing as well. It's kinda weird sometimes, but it doesn't affect me too much when I'm sleeping though.

  11. I sleep with a fan!!!! I'm with you, I can't hear anything irregular or I wake up. My boyfriend snores like a damn congested troll and its AWFUL. Instea d of counting sheep I sometimes count ways I can hurt him. We used to have a car come to our complex at 6am and honk their horn for whoever they were picking up. SEND THEM A TEXT MESSAGE YOU BUTTHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm the freak that will tell people to pipe the fuck down so that's my advice, haha! ;)

  12. I never thought i would meet someone with this same exact issue. I've been contemplating a white noise machine for everrr but i think even that might annoy me. But i really liked your technique hahah, i might give it a try!

  13. Wait, your town doesn't allow drive thrus? Fo serious? How far do you have to drive for Taco Bueno? How often do you eat fast food? This Texas girl is having a major "whole new world" moment.