Tuesday, July 23, 2013

We've all made mistakes.

     We've all made bad fashion choices. Oh what's that? Not you? Well you're a little liar and I bet there's a closet somewhere with a picture or twelve of you rockin' a scrunchie or a skort with some jellies. I mean, obviously at the time it seemed like a great idea, or at least that what I told myself when I tried to look like Lizzie McGuire circa random crimps and curls. Don't lie, you did it too. And chances are that in a year or two people will be looking at pictures of their ombre hair or chalk hair or nail art and be horrified that they walked around like that. 

     But my fashion faux pas began way earlier than junior high. I like to blame this on my older sister, because she wore all the cool things first and then by the time they were handed down to me I was a couple of years too late. But it's not all her fault. This little gem was alllllll mine, and it was my favorite. It was all green and it matched my green glasses. There's nothing okay about this picture.

     You would think things would have only gotten better, right? Wrong. I think I probably would have been fine if I hadn't learned about the little boxes of hair dye at Rite Aid that were totally affordable at $8.99/box. And guess what? You could get ANY color. ANY COLOR!! My mom told me not to dye it from a box so of course I did what any rational 16 year old would do.

 I dyed it that purple red that doesn't look good on ANYONE and I liked it for about 2 and a half seconds. Then I tried to get it fixed by putting blonde highlights in it, but for some reason the blonde ONLY STUCK right on top of my head. The rest looked was red and fried. And just awful. Oh but don'w worry, I still slept in braids so I'd have naturally crimped hair the next morning.
Jenna Rink wouldn't have called me rude or mean, but she definitely would have called me frizzy.
I was so frizzy.

     Well, after that I was convinced that the only way to save my hair was to shave my head, but thankfully a friend convinced me to just cut ten inches off of it and dye it brown, so I did. I mean, she went to cosmetology school, she had to know what she was talking about, right? So I dyed it brown, then put some highlights in it, then pretended I looked like Deb from Napoleon Dynamite, then dyed it darker brown.
     You'd think that someone who made such bad decisions about hair would make equally bad decisions about what to wear, right? Well, yeah. I made horrible fashion choices. Below you'll find a super fun and flirty tank top/v-neck/vest/crochet beanie combo on the left, and on the right these horrible jeans that had no pockets (ALWAYS WEAR JEANS WITH POCKETS) and a shirt that was way too tight in all the wrong places. (Fun fact, see the guy I cropped out in the picture on the right? That's Andy.) 
     Oh and then there was the phase I went through where I thought accessories made everything better. But not just a cool bracelet or something. No, I went with hats. Newsboy hats, beanies, billed beanies, bucket hats, floppy hats with fringe...you name it, I probably had it in three different colors. I'm just really happy I don't have photographic evidence of all my hats. And apparently I didn't learn my lesson because I just remembered that I have three fedoras taking up space in my closet...and I've only ever worn one of them.


     Somehow I got my hair and wardrobe sort of figured out, and then I made friends with people who liked to take pictures. And don't all the cool people take pictures in bathrooms while leaning suggestively up against poles, walls, and bathroom stalls like Carlene does?

     I might still take the occasional bathroom photo but you didn't hear it from me. What?
     THEN, I was like, "Oh, everyone's pulling their hair back into a cool and effortlessly chic pompadour, I can totally pull that off! I'll look just like this chick!"
    

     Only.... I mostly just managed to look bald, because my hairline doesn't actually have that much hair. None of my friends decided to tell me that though. They let me wear my hair like that SO MANY TIMES. Thanks guys.
It didn't work out too well. Judge Judy was disappointed.

     That's all for today. I'll leave you with this slightly inappropriate picture of a time when I went clubbing in Hollywood and was too young to drink and too naive to even think about sneaking alcohol.

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16 comments:

  1. oh.my.gracious. I could not love you any more if I tried. HYSTERICAL. and I TOTALLY have a picture or 16 bazillion that hurt my eyes. BLEGH. I just wish someone had told me...

    for real though, you look GOOD with dark hair, too!

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  2. Confession: In high school I owned no less than 8 pairs of bib overalls, including two pairs that were corduroy. Granted, this was the 90s, but still - dear Lord.

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  3. You + Pirate + Sunset-esque wall = Phenomenal.
    I'm gonna go frame that now.

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  4. This is great. I used to do this thing where I wore overalls with shorts underneath that showed. Like boys boxers. And wore baggy pants like a boy but cute girly tops. It was bad. Thankfully I don't have any photographical evidence. I can't do the pompador thing either, don't feel bad.

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  5. I did the hair thing. I think the same exact purple color. When I was a sophomore. Then I dyed it black. It's hard to go back to blonde after that.

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  6. Hahaha this post is inspiring. Oh girl, I had a mullet until I was like, 8. Every other little 90s girl had cute bangs and a side pony with a big bow...not me. I will never let my mother live the mullet days down.

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  7. I've only ever dyed my hair one time, because it was such a terrible experience. All the girls were getting highlights, and by golly, I wanted highlights too! But you know, going to the salon was expensive and all, so my mom did it. And there was a miscommunication between myself and my mom, because I wanted dark brown streaks in my hair, not blonde. So, ya know, I got to walk around freshmen year of high school with basically brown and yellow striped hair. Oh, and I had bangs that curled under too. YIKES!

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  8. This is amazing!!!! HAH love it! I would never share how horrible my hair was growing up...I bow down to you!

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  9. Why oh why did we all think that Lizzie McGuire's hair was so awesome? I don't even get it. But I most definitely wanted it!

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  10. Oooooh sister friend the crimper and I were BFF's. I also died my hair pink, purple, and yellow. Tres chic. NOT. I had a floor length sweater cardigan and silver pleather pants at one point. Walking train wreck over here. Thank god there is no picture evidence.

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  11. I had a mullet in elementary school...no clue who's idea that was though. Hopefully not mine so I can blame it on my parents. ;)

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  12. Thank you for posing on a toilet and posting the picture. Thanks.

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  13. How do you even HAVE these photos?! I love every one of them. Some of my best fashion choices were pleather pants, that tank top over a T-shirt look, and Airwalks. AIRWALKS!

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  14. I actually just shouted "ANDY!!!" outloud! haha LOVE IT!

    Also your hair is gorgeous blonde and never ever ever let anyone let you change it. (I went brunette once too. "Luckily" I had a douchebag for a boyfriend who told me "You look like you got ran over by a truck who backed up and ran you over again." So it didn't last long.)

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  15. I'm dying at how hilarious this post is. I just found your blog and followed you, and I've been reading all your posts! Your blog is one of my new faves for sure!!
    Shelby xoxo

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  16. I'M JUST SEEING THIS EFFING POST NOW.
    Holy hell. All I have to say is that you look 98435184351701324684x better now. Seriously.

    Also, you still take pictures(videos) in the washroom...

    My favourite part of this post though? The effing pirate costume. Oh and the Lizzie McGuire hair. Good lord.

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