We've all made bad fashion choices. Oh what's that? Not you? Well you're a little liar and I bet there's a closet somewhere with a picture or twelve of you rockin' a scrunchie or a skort with some jellies. I mean, obviously at the time it seemed like a great idea, or at least that what I told myself when I tried to look like Lizzie McGuire circa random crimps and curls. Don't lie, you did it too. And chances are that in a year or two people will be looking at pictures of their ombre hair or chalk hair or nail art and be horrified that they walked around like that.
But my fashion faux pas began way earlier than junior high. I like to blame this on my older sister, because she wore all the cool things first and then by the time they were handed down to me I was a couple of years too late. But it's not all her fault. This little gem was alllllll mine, and it was my favorite. It was all green and it matched my green glasses. There's nothing okay about this picture.
You would think things would have only gotten better, right? Wrong. I think I probably would have been fine if I hadn't learned about the little boxes of hair dye at Rite Aid that were totally affordable at $8.99/box. And guess what? You could get ANY color. ANY COLOR!! My mom told me not to dye it from a box so of course I did what any rational 16 year old would do.
I dyed it that purple red that doesn't look good on ANYONE and I liked it for about 2 and a half seconds. Then I tried to get it fixed by putting blonde highlights in it, but for some reason the blonde ONLY STUCK right on top of my head. The rest looked was red and fried. And just awful. Oh but don'w worry, I still slept in braids so I'd have naturally crimped hair the next morning.
Jenna Rink wouldn't have called me rude or mean, but she definitely would have called me frizzy.
I was so frizzy.
Well, after that I was convinced that the only way to save my hair was to shave my head, but thankfully a friend convinced me to just cut ten inches off of it and dye it brown, so I did. I mean, she went to cosmetology school, she had to know what she was talking about, right? So I dyed it brown, then put some highlights in it, then pretended I looked like Deb from Napoleon Dynamite, then dyed it darker brown.
You'd think that someone who made such bad decisions about hair would make equally bad decisions about what to wear, right? Well, yeah. I made horrible fashion choices. Below you'll find a super fun and flirty tank top/v-neck/vest/crochet beanie combo on the left, and on the right these horrible jeans that had no pockets (ALWAYS WEAR JEANS WITH POCKETS) and a shirt that was way too tight in all the wrong places. (Fun fact, see the guy I cropped out in the picture on the right? That's Andy.)
Oh and then there was the phase I went through where I thought accessories made everything better. But not just a cool bracelet or something. No, I went with hats. Newsboy hats, beanies, billed beanies, bucket hats, floppy hats with fringe...you name it, I probably had it in three different colors. I'm just really happy I don't have photographic evidence of all my hats. And apparently I didn't learn my lesson because I just remembered that I have three fedoras taking up space in my closet...and I've only ever worn one of them.
Somehow I got my hair and wardrobe sort of figured out, and then I made friends with people who liked to take pictures. And don't all the cool people take pictures in bathrooms while leaning suggestively up against poles, walls, and bathroom stalls like Carlene does?
I might still take the occasional bathroom photo but you didn't hear it from me. What?
THEN, I was like, "Oh, everyone's pulling their hair back into a cool and effortlessly chic pompadour, I can totally pull that off! I'll look just like this chick!"
Only.... I mostly just managed to look bald, because my hairline doesn't actually have that much hair. None of my friends decided to tell me that though. They let me wear my hair like that SO MANY TIMES. Thanks guys.
It didn't work out too well. Judge Judy was disappointed.
That's all for today. I'll leave you with this slightly inappropriate picture of a time when I went clubbing in Hollywood and was too young to drink and too naive to even think about sneaking alcohol.