2) If you remember where you were when you watched Neil Armstrong land on the moon then that means that you were already in college when I was born. I know that worked for George and Stacy for 2 years and it's apparently working for Mary Kate (gag me) but it doesn't work for me. Go find someone else to schedule your prostate exams for you.
3) If I'm taller than you it's not going to work. I'm sorry but I've tried it, and it's awful. Plus, I don't want our pictures to be as awkward as this when I wear my 5" heels:
4) If you tuck your powder blue polo into your plaid Bermuda shorts then I will give you directions to the golf course and where you can buy some new Dr. Scholls inserts, but I will not go on a date with you.
5) If you are able to carry on an in depth conversation about any of the real housewives, the bachelorette, or anyone from Jersey Shore, you are not for me. That's ish I discuss with my girlfriends, so come back when you can talk about football and how to barbecue ribs.
6) If you like the San Francisco Giants you obviously have horrible taste. I couldn't live like this:
7) If you can't remember my name 5 minutes after we introduced ourselves it means you are looking for a booty call and no thank you.
8) If you ever order chicken fingers, I will assume you lack manly taste buds because why would you order chicken fingers when you could get a juicy bacon burger?
9) If I can see your food while you're chewing, or worse: if I can hear your food while you're chewing, then it means you were raised in a barn and you need to learn some manners.
10) If you try to split the check on the first or second date then you won't be walking me to the car later or going out with me again.
11) If you got wasted and barfed on me it means you have no class. You may as well be a cast member on that Jersey Shore show you know so much about.
12) If you buy makeup for yourself it means your name is Andy and goodbye, game over, peace out girl scout.
13) If, during our first date you began discussing your girlfriend who you lived with for 3 years and only broke up with 1 month ago, it means you're looking for someone to numb the pain and I think you should keep looking because I'm not helping with that.
**Ok, so maybe I'm a little picky. But why is that a problem?? I think it's a pretty good idea to be picky about THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. So if you know any guys who are single, over 6', like red meat, and think googly eyes are funny then give them my e-mail address (but not my blogg URL because this ish is a SECRET.)