|Our view. I didn't hate it. It's Morro Rock in case you're wondering.|
We were just sitting there, drinking wine and eating dinner and not bothering anyone when I felt an itch on my thigh. I reached my hand down to scratch it and if you think it was just a random itch you're wrong because OH MY GOSH it was a giant walking stick taking a hike up my thigh. Have you ever seen those guys? No? Well here, LOOK. And don't do a google image search for these because you'll never be able to unsee a 13 inch long walking stick that lives in Borneo.
Well, naturally I freaked out, but since I'm a good little blogger (no I'm not) my first instinct was to try and take a picture of the nightmare that was happening on my upper thigh. So I stood up and rifled through the billion and two receipts in my purse for my phone while muttering OMG OMG OMG OMG get it off get it off get it off where's my phone I need to take a picture OMG why's it moving OMG OMG I need to take a picture like a crazy person. And then it crawled onto the chair and I took a picture, and I sure wasn't about to let that dude hang out with me while I finished my dinner, so I shook it off the chair onto the flowers next to me. That little guy was STRONG. Like the stage 5 clinger of insects. And thanks to the google I now know that some walking sticks in Borneo can get up to 13 inches long. Welcome to my nightmare, and don't even tell me that he was more scared of me than i was of him because that doesn't make me feel any better AT ALL.
GROSS. It was awful. Not as awful as a spider on my leg but still, pretty awful. And what the hell was he doing right by the OCEAN? Not such smart thinking, you little monster. Thinking about this awful walking stick got me thinking about other things that freak me out and that led me to compile this list just for YOU! You're welcome.
My Irrational Fears
please leave your judgment at the door.
//The ocean. It's true and kind of sad. I don't really mind the beach (wait yes I do because sand in my pants), but the ocean is a different story. I mean HELLO, did you ever see Jaws? Or Titanic? Disasters. It's so big and dark and cold and mysterious and it freaks me out. I'll never ever ever go on a submarine ride; the one at Disneyland was the worst 10 minutes of my life. I also hate feeling seaweed wrap around my legs and I'm terrified I'll step on a crab. And recently some guys almost got eaten by humpback whales in the ocean right next to my town so no thanks.
//Finding a snake in the toilet. If I get up to go to the bathroom at night I will always turn the light on and check the pot before I squat. I just KNOW that one night I'll forget to do that and I'll end up with rattlesnake venom in my sweetcheeks. Blah blah blah rattlesnakes wouldn't go in a toilet blah blah blah YOU DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING. And I just did a google image search for "snake in a toilet" and you are welcome for not posting any of those images because I'm even more terrified now.
|Basically how I feel.|
//Railroad tracks. I hate driving over them and I hate walking across them. I'm afraid I'll get stuck and I'll have to rely on some stranger to be my knight on a shining motorcycle and ain't nobody got time fo' dat.
//Car washes. I hate them and it's all the fault of one of the Final Destination movies. It's not the claustrophobia, it's that I'm afraid some guy is lurking inside the car wash and he's going to smash my windows and kill me as soon as the suds get wiped off my windows.
//Driving on bridges. Nope. No thanks. I'll do it but I'll hold my breath the whole time and I might cry a little.
And here's a picture of my face in a big thing of bubbles because I'm feeling generous.