Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Reasons Being Single is Awesome

Reasons Being Single is AWESOME
I've been single for the better part of 3 years and let me tell you, I've gotten pretty good at it.
SO good at it that when I had a boyfriend for a couple of months I was like, "Ehhhhh I'd rather watch Jeopardy and eat Reese's so BYE."
SO good that when someone wanted to take me out on a take I freaked out and am now pretending like I lost his business card so I don't have to call him back.
SO good that sometimes I sit at Starbucks and read alone on a Friday after work because I just want to be ALONE.
SO GOOD.

Because of that I decided I wanted to focus on some reasons why being single and doing things alone is AWESOME.
1) Because sometimes I'm a really messy eater. And clearly I've loved food ever since I was a small (and seriously unfashionable) child. Eating on a date is REALLY stressful. You have to consider SO MANY factors! Am I ordering something more or less expensive than him? I don't want to be the girl who eats a salad on a date, but sometimes a salad is the LEAST messy thing! The club sandwich and fries looks sooooo good but sandwiches are so hard to eat and it'll make my hands all greasy. Why is this steak $34?? Ugh he's ordering water I guess there goes my Diet Coke. 
Just NO. Let me eat in peace, please.

2) I like to drive by myself. The four hour drives to Southern CA and back are not torture. If I'm alone, I can play my Les Mis/Rigoletto/Sound of Music/Wicked soundtracks and pretend like I'm a really good singer/in a music video and no one can judge me. Also because I can eat as much candy as I want without getting judged. And I can decide when and where I want to stop for a bathroom break. It's just better alone.
Hey look at me reading a map alone and with no help.

3) Most TV shows and movies are ones I'd rather watch alone. That's largely because I spend a lot of time playing Candy Crush, checking Twitter, and reading a book in addition to watching Survivor/Parenthood/Walking Dead/Arrested Development and I don't want someone to feel ignored. And because I would prefer to wear my pajamas and eat two whole bags an entire bag of popcorn. And because sometimes all the time I like to make fun of whatever I'm watching and lots of people don't appreciate that.
4) Because I can sleep allllllllllll alone. I know Ross and Joey took the "best nap of their lives" with each other, but I'd rather lie diagonally on my bed or take up the entire couch without having to worry about getting someone else's sweaty stinky feet in my face thx very much. Also because my stuffed duck Mr. Quackers is the perfect cuddle buddy.


5) Because I can exercise when I want, where I want, IF I want. And I don't have to worry about somebody wanting to run 6 miles at a 6 minute pace (YOU ARE PSYCHOTIC) or wanting to hike Bishop's Peak in under an hour and me having to make up some lame excuse like "Oh I have knee problems" or "I have a hernia" or "I have a blister and can't wear my cute workout shoes."

6) Because I can shop when I want, where I want, how I want. I can go through Gap and look at baby things for my niece for two hours. I can go to Old Navy and try on the same shirt in 7 different colors. I can take five minutes or five hours. AND I don't have to shop in Home Depot!!



Hopefully my point has been made.
I really like to be alone.
Also, when you date people, you tend to take pictures together, and that's awkward afterward.
It CAN tend to result in pictures like this:

So, if you need me, I'll be watching Titanic for the 87th time this year in my footie pajamas with a bowl of popcorn and a double big gulp of Diet Coke.






2 comments:

  1. You're hilarious! Just found your blog and I'm so glad hahaha.. Seriously made my Friday!! Following you on Bloglovin'

    xo caro | www.thecarodiaries.com

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  2. YES YES YES. I hate when boyfriends make sideways comments about "working out together." I'll do that when and if I want to. And seriously? No one likes actually sleep sleeping together. That's just way too much body heat in one bed. And noises. I like it quiet. I do not want your snores or loud breathing interfering.

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