Thursday, March 31, 2011

Babies, and God, and Ice Cream

     The past few days I've been absorbing books like they're water, or chocolate. My fascination of Jodi Picoult (My Sister's Keeper, Nineteen Minutes, The Pact) is still large and in charge, though after recent readings I may have to reevaluate just why I like her writings so much. As is the case when reading multiple books in a row by a single author, I came across several words and phrases that stuck out to me and made me think, "Really? She couldn't have used a thesaurus so it wasn't obvious she wrote this at the same time as that other book?" The one that won't leave my mind is this: VISCERAL.

characterized by or proceeding from instinct rather than intellect.

     I don't know why that word above all the other words stuck out to me, but it did. And it got me thinking about words in general. How come I use the same word to describe my feelings toward both ice cream and my family? How do idioms come to be? How can we expect everyone else to understand our words when there is no official dictionary for idioms and dialect? 

     How come I can never get the words to come out right the first time I say them, but when I rethink them in my head or write them out on paper, they're perfect? And why can I construct a perfect Oscar-winning movie scene in my head but then somehow not let it come out the same way in person? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY????

     These thoughts (and more) came to my mind today while I was playing with the one-year-old. I was trying to teach her how to blow a kiss, and instead, she insisted on blowing spit in my face. Then I tried to teach her "thank you" and instead, she laughed and threw her pacifier. HOW do we learn these things?

     It's obvious, of course. Movies, societies, our families ... all of these and more teach us what we need to know in order to survive in the world. 

    The most  important thing I thought today was this: How can anyone look at a child, or even outside at the world around him, and NOT SEE GOD? I don't understand it. While the one-year-old slept, I looked at her tiny features and realized that I once looked like that. How can stupid evolution explain how our bodies grow in a uterus and then grow from an 8 pound infant into a 200 pound (give or take) adult? I mean REALLY. I just don't understand what else could explain it. How does our skin stretch and grow and not tear from growing so MUCH? How do our limbs know how to function? How do our organs work the way they do? 

     At such random times as when I watch a baby sleep, or I see the wind blowing the leaves into a flurry of a patter, I see God. And I become so overwhelmingly thankful that I KNOW Him, and that He created me. It is then when I am overcome with such a STRONG desire to do what HE WANTS for my life, other than what I WANT for my life. And it is then when I become SO FRUSTRATED because I don't know what that is. 

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I Do ... Do I?

Everyone knows the phrases. "We met, we fell in love, x months later we were married!" "And they lived happily ever after." "He's just the one. I just KNEW." "It was just RIGHT."

Most of the time people make falling in love seem so easy. It's all so nonchalant! It's almost like people pick their respective husbands the way they pick out a pair of jeans. They fit great right now! (No one ever thinks about outgrowing them in the future.) They're so in style! (Never mind that you might change what you like in 2 years. Or 20 years.) I don't understand this way of thinking. Not for people, not for jeans, not for paint colors, not for hairstyles. And personally, I think a big part of it is sex. For a lot of people I know, sex before marriage is taboo. It's not acceptable to do, and it's not acceptable to talk about. And ok, I could be totally wrong, but it has to play a part in a lot of the marriages between 18 and 19 year olds. Sure, love factors in there too, but let's be real.

I can't help but wonder, would it be different for people if we took it -- the sex thing -- out of the equation? How then would people choose their spouses? Because let's face it, the honeymoon doesn't last forever. I mean, I guess for some people it does, but not for most.

A spouse is a roommate you're going to have FOREVER. We all understand the concept of FOREVER, right? 'Til death do us part!! I want someone I'll be willing to compromise with and compromise for. I want to look up from my Honey Nut Cheerios in the morning and see milk dribbling from his chin and find it endearing, not disgusting. This is the person whose sweaty socks I'll have to deal with (gross). We'll have to decide together whether the toilet paper goes over or under (OVER! ALWAYS OVER!), what shows to DVR, which way the dishes go in the dishwasher (UPSIDE DOWN NOT RIGHT SIDE UP!), who gets which side of the bed ... you get the picture.

A great college professor said to ask 3 questions of a potential spouse:
1) Do I want to eat breakfast with this person every day for the rest of my life?
2) Will I be happy if this person never changes?
3) Do I want my children to turn out like this person?

My point is basically a reminder to myself to not get caught up in the stupid details that will fade with time, but to focus on attributes and qualities that will last! And this is ridiculously long and I sound like I'm on my high horse and like I'm judging people .... I'm not. I swear. These are just things that have been on my mind. And I finally turned on my computer and wrote them down. So Karen, I'm pretty sure you're the only one who reads this ... that's what you're looking for for me, ok?

Sunday, March 27, 2011


Not when I'm in front of the computer, ready to write. All day I have ideas and phrases and thoughts that I want to write down, but writing them on a piece of paper takes too long, and turning my computer on takes a while because it's 4 1/2 years old and every time I open it I swear I can hear it groaning and saying, seriously? Again? Don't you know how hard this is for me??

Some things I want to blog about:

  • John and Amy's wedding
  • My new job
  • My new outlook on life
  • New realizations
  • My relationship status
  • Time
And so many other things. Inspiration hits me at the most inopportune moments; driving to work when a new day is dawning and everything has that crisp morning smell that makes you feel like anything is possible, playing with the 1 year old in the backyard and watching her experience a slide or learn how to kick a soccer ball and realizing how much of an impact or influence I have on her young life, watching the neighbor kids play in the parking lot and remembering the good times in the church parking lot back home playing black cat and riding scooters and making chalk roads.

Most of the time it just feels like life is going by so quickly, but like I'm stuck at the same time. Sometimes I feel old (I'm not) and like I'm taking too long to do things (get a real job, settle down), but other times I feel like there is so much left for me to do before I settle into a routine (travel, travel, TRAVEL!). And then I feel like I'm wasting time deciding when I should be just doing. It's all so very confusing and annoying.

Music is also inspring. So very inspiring. 

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

10 on a Tuesday

1. What is your cleaning style like? I don't necessarily keep things neat and tidy, but I'm not a dirty person. I would rather spend more hours all at once than fewer hours more frequently cleaning. This is why my bath towel is never folded, my hair ties don't stay in the drawer, my bed is never made, and my drawers are not organized. And I'm perfectly ok with that. It's organized clutter. It's comfortable. And I don't care enough about what people think when they see my clutter to actually do something about it.

2. What is your favorite thing to add to an outfit to take it from casual to classy? Probably a necklace. But I don't really have outfits that are that versatile. I'm really not good at fashion at all.

3. Do you like stormy weather? I LOOOOVE stormy weather. I love to curl up on the couch with a good book or a classic movie with my coffee and think deep thoughts and marvel at God.

4. What is your favorite cold treat on a hot day? Popsicles.

5. What is your favorite warm treat on a cold day? Coffee.

6. Who is your favorite animated character? I used to say Kronk from Emperor's New Groove, and I think I'll stick with that, because I don't want to think about it right now.

7. What do you keep your jewelry in? I keep it on a really pretty candelabra I found at Z Galleries. It's white ceramic and is perfect for housing my necklaces, earrings, rings, and bracelets. And I really love it.

8. Do   any of the rooms in your house have a theme?They're all Lisa-themed because I don't decorate. Meaning there is a lot of sparkle and everything matches. 

9. Do you watch any interior design TV shows – if so, what is your favorite? Not really. I'm not into interior design.

10. When was the last time you did something risk-taking? Saturday night. I made a phone call and said some things that were very honest, and it was risky, but the response was what I expected and I'm glad those things are out in the open now.

Reality? Whose reality?

     I'll be the first to admit that I have guilty pleasures. These include and are not limited to:

  • Popsicles
  • Eating ice cream out of the carton
  • Sour Skittles
  • Vogue
  • Inspirational quotes
  • Reality Television
     The shows I watch vary from Jersey Shore to Bridalplasty to Real Housewives to ANTM to Say Yes to the Dress to Bachelor Pad to .... you get the picture, right? Anyhow, the lastest obsession was The Bachelor. A large part of the reason I find these shows so fascinating is because of how completely ridiculous and downright stupid most of them are! Seriously though, why and how can people become so involved and obsessed and invested in the lives of some of these people?? It baffles me, and sometimes it makes me a little angry. Stupid, I know. Moving on ...

     The Bachelor finale was tonight. I looooooove spoilers so I've been a big fan of Reality Steve since Jake's season a year ago (I know, not that long but whatever, I check it every Tuesday and Friday and sometimes in between as well) and I find it much more enjoyable to know the outcome of the show in advance. It's also pretty funny to hear someone else talk about how fake and contrived the show is, and remind viewers of the power of editing. I mean really, the entire show is edited to make things seem exactly how the producers want! The people on the show are filmed for most of they day and they have almost no privacy. There was probably plenty of material to make Michelle Money seem like a sweet little angel and Emily seem like the biggest biznatch in the house. One thing that wasn't edited or fake though, was the proposal.

     How ridiculous is it to actually expect that two people are going to go on a reality dating show, date each other for 6 weeks, get engaged and then make it last? I MEAN COME ON!!! There is NOTHING real about this show! Dating in real life is nothing like this. On The Bachelor/ette, dates are chosen and paid for in advance. That takes away the whole awkward "let me pull out my wallet and pretend like I want to pay when really, I just want to make you know that I'm not a gold digger" scenario. The Bachelor/ette is dating over 20 other people at the same time, and usually being very physical and emotionally intimate with several of them, so how does someone feel special or establish trust? And at the end of all of that, people have magically fallen in love and are convinced that it's "true love" or whatever that means. 

     Maybe I'm just a little too cynical or whatever, or maybe I'm just too realistic, but it just makes me mad. Watching these shows doesn't make me sigh wistful sighs or my ears glisten with hopeful tears. These shows make me want to vomit. Our world is completely screwed up if this is the vision of love to which people are supposed to hold. What is that?? Love is a feeling, but it is also an action. I'm not speaking from experience, but I'm not a bimbo. You can't marry a person you hardly know, at least not in today's recyclable society. Real, true love and commitment takes time, and effort, and sacrifice, and compromise. And it can't be broadcast of national television.

     Ugh. I just can't stand to see people get so invested in the lives of reality tv stars. Take a moment, step back, and look inside yourself and at the world immediately around you. That's how things are going to get better. Stop coveting what other people have, stop envying fame, and enjoy the moment. Seek things that will last. Seek God, realize your dreams, and go for them while you're glorifying God the whole time. 

     Also, I have a job. Yay!!!