Today was one of those days that was just an all around good day. I only had the baby today, and she was happy for mostly the whole day. She took an extra long nap, and she was extra chatty and was trying to say more words, which is always fun. We went for two long walks, and the weather was absolutely perfect! Then when I came home, I finally got rid of two very large bags of clothes that have been clogging my trunk for about 9 months. But I didn't just throw them away, that would be wasteful. I found a Goodwill a few blocks away and donated them. Then I went to Farmer's Market! I was only there for about 10 minutes but I was able to get a half flat of delicious strawberries and 3 yummy zucchinis. Then when I came home I made myself a smoothie and had it for dessert. It has just been a very peaceful day (aside from the asinine dog barking up a storm and making me want to throw him off the balcony!!)
However, even though it has been such a wonderful day, I am still annoyed. It seems that I am perpetually annoyed these days. Every little thing sends my mind off on stupid tangents of Seriously? Who does that!!?? and Why would she wear that? and Why would he even say that, let alone think it?? and it is totally stupid. I've been wondering for a while now why I have such issues with getting annoyed so easily, and then on Sunday I think I figured out the problem. It's not that I have a problem with getting annoyed, it's that I have an anger problem. I have a LOT of pent up anger, an it's been building for a while. It's like I'm constipated with anger, and pretty soon it's going to explode, and I'm not going to try and give you a visual because you could probably figure it out on your own.
So, I'm trying to work through my anger. I'm beginning to discover just what and who it is that I'm angry at, and after I do that I will move onto trying to figure out WHY. It's not fun. It forces me to look inside myself and try to crack my wall of bitterness that I have so carefully built up. And it's not going to be easy, and it's not going to happen soon.
I am me, right now. I am me, just me, and no one is going to be a part of me for a long time. There just isn't room for anyone else. And no one, no one, knows the parts of me that I don't let show. So don't pretend like you do. Just don't. Or I will cut you.