Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I Do ... Do I?

Everyone knows the phrases. "We met, we fell in love, x months later we were married!" "And they lived happily ever after." "He's just the one. I just KNEW." "It was just RIGHT."

Most of the time people make falling in love seem so easy. It's all so nonchalant! It's almost like people pick their respective husbands the way they pick out a pair of jeans. They fit great right now! (No one ever thinks about outgrowing them in the future.) They're so in style! (Never mind that you might change what you like in 2 years. Or 20 years.) I don't understand this way of thinking. Not for people, not for jeans, not for paint colors, not for hairstyles. And personally, I think a big part of it is sex. For a lot of people I know, sex before marriage is taboo. It's not acceptable to do, and it's not acceptable to talk about. And ok, I could be totally wrong, but it has to play a part in a lot of the marriages between 18 and 19 year olds. Sure, love factors in there too, but let's be real.

I can't help but wonder, would it be different for people if we took it -- the sex thing -- out of the equation? How then would people choose their spouses? Because let's face it, the honeymoon doesn't last forever. I mean, I guess for some people it does, but not for most.

A spouse is a roommate you're going to have FOREVER. We all understand the concept of FOREVER, right? 'Til death do us part!! I want someone I'll be willing to compromise with and compromise for. I want to look up from my Honey Nut Cheerios in the morning and see milk dribbling from his chin and find it endearing, not disgusting. This is the person whose sweaty socks I'll have to deal with (gross). We'll have to decide together whether the toilet paper goes over or under (OVER! ALWAYS OVER!), what shows to DVR, which way the dishes go in the dishwasher (UPSIDE DOWN NOT RIGHT SIDE UP!), who gets which side of the bed ... you get the picture.

A great college professor said to ask 3 questions of a potential spouse:
1) Do I want to eat breakfast with this person every day for the rest of my life?
2) Will I be happy if this person never changes?
3) Do I want my children to turn out like this person?

My point is basically a reminder to myself to not get caught up in the stupid details that will fade with time, but to focus on attributes and qualities that will last! And this is ridiculously long and I sound like I'm on my high horse and like I'm judging people .... I'm not. I swear. These are just things that have been on my mind. And I finally turned on my computer and wrote them down. So Karen, I'm pretty sure you're the only one who reads this ... that's what you're looking for for me, ok?

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