Thursday, October 28, 2010

The 80's

Are making a comeback! I'm going to a taping of Let's Make a Deal with Wayne Brady ... and I have to wake up in 5 1/2 hours. And we're dressing up in 80's attire. Cliche, I know, but it was short notice. And I would rather go decked out in Rangers stuff, but I don't have any. So, hot pink tights, leg warmers, and too much hairspray, here we come!

Monday, October 25, 2010

The Morning

I am not a morning person. I prefer to sleep until at least 12 o'clock p.m. I try to get up early; I set my alarms for 8:30, 9, 9:30 ... it doesn't work. I just hit snooze and go back to sleep until the day is half over. Then I feel bad because I wasted the entire day. Sooooo how do I change that? Seriously, anyone have any good ideas??

Bullet Points

  • I joined 20 something bloggers. 
  • I actually sat down and figured out how to add the icon to my blog, not as a picture, but as something you can click on and go to my 20SB page! Go me.
  • I am going to be a bird for Halloween.
  • I am making most of my costume. I sewed my finger twice. Lots of feathers.
  • Work is ridiculous. When I start my career I will not work for a giant corporation as the lowest on the totem pole.
  • I'm about to have my own room.
  • I need to start working out. NEED TO.

Photo time!
Taylor's bachelorette/lingerie party

Monica, Lisa, and Me at Heroes 

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


     During the last hour and a half of work, a few people began a conversation about religion. It wasn't exactly heated, but there wasn't really room for anyone else to get a word in. It was the kind of conversation where a couple of people were just ranting about how stupid organized religion is and how all people are good and that's all that mattered. I was extremely uncomfortable. Talks about religion in the workplace have always made me uncomfortable. I want to be the kind of person who can engage in a conversation like that and simply share my viewpoint without feeling a martyr complex, but I'm just not that way. First of all, I'm really passive aggressive, so I tend to keep my feelings of anger or disappointment or frustration on the inside; second, I've found that talking about religious views at work just makes things awkward. People at work know where I went to college, they know my family background, they know the way I choose to live my life. Though I disagree with most things these women were saying, I felt it was best to keep my views to myself. Was this the right thing to do? I have no idea. Should I have spoken up? Probably. But how do you do that without getting attacked mercilessly?

     The conversation then turned to politics. AREYOUSERIOUS???? The two topics I dread SO MUCH.

     But here, on my online diary, I can voice my opinions.
     I believe:

     1) God answers prayer. AND, I believe that everyone is called to pray. I believe that God wants us to be in constant communication with Him, even though we're only human. Yes, God has a lot of things to worry about, but one of the beauties about being God is that His mind isn't limited to only thinking about one thing at a time. So I can pray about my money issues. I can pray about my love life (or serious lack thereof). I can pray for the homeless man on the street, with all his earthly possessions in his shopping cart. I can pray for poverty. For the war. For peace. For sleep.

     2) I believe that gay marriage is wrong. I believe that homosexuality exists because there is sin in the world, and I believe people can choose to be gay or straight. And I'm not sorry I believe that.

     3) I believe sex before marriage is wrong. That's all I'm saying about that issue, because it hits way too close to home for me to go into more detail right now.

     4) I believe God is love. I believe that, as a Christian, my attitude toward other people should be loving. I believe that I should change my attitude, because I am completely not loving. I am cynical, and pessimistic, and I get angry way too easily.

     So, there you go. Some of my basic beliefs. And please, if you have any advice on how to live a loving life, or how to engage in religious/political conversations at work, please share. INEEDYOURHELP!


lately, i have been having an extremely difficult time falling asleep. i kmow im exhausted, but i just lie here for hours, my mind racing. often i wake up feeling unrested, and my back is sore. im getting really sick of this. nighttime is when my mind just wont shut up.

taylor and i talked for a long time tonight. we talked about our pasts and old relationships, the present and whats in store. i have a lot of secrets that im not willing to share. fear of embarrassment and shame forces me to keep myself guarded, very guarded. in some ways thats a good thing, but in a lot of areas it can be dangerous. im prone to emotional constipation, and it can cause a lot of bacteria to form in my life.

in other news, my budgeting has gone well. day one was successful.

and my back hurts.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

I Actually Budgeted ....

     My first job was a paper route when I was 11. Other than the summer I was with Continentals and my freshman year of college, I have always had a job. Always an income. Always a way to survive. Yes, I'm thankful. Yes, I've definitely complained about the frustrations that come with any job. And I've always thought, shouldn't I have been able to save a lot more by this point in my life? Minus 2 points for me. I took a class called Faith and Money my last semester at school, and I finally decided to sit down and figure out my budget. The biggest thing I'm cutting out? EATING OUT. I was actually looking at my bank statement, and I was appalled. Lisa will back me up on this. She was watching some tv show about celebrity fashion faux pas, and I made her hit the pause button so I could tell her how much I spent eating out in one month. It's embarrassing!!!! That's gonna stop. Surprisingly, coffee wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. That's probably because I've been buying my own coffee and making it at home. Add one point for me. Also, no more random grocery store trips. My new mantra? YOU DON'T WANT THE ICE CREAM!!!

I set a savings goal for myself. In 6 months I have a monetary goal. That will work well for what I have planned for my living arrangements next summer (more on that later. Much later). 

So what I did was, wrote down my estimated income each month, and then wrote down the necessities (gas, grocery store, rent, bills, coffee). I did allow myself a buffer, and since my income isn't set in stone each month (oh, the joys of hourly vs. salary wages!!), I could save more or less than my goal. I'm ok with that. 

BEFORE I budgeted, I splurged at Target. I bought something I've wanted for a little over two years. TWO YEARS, PEOPLE. I bought footie pajamas. They're bright pink and the feet have dogs on them. They're juvenile, silly, and I love them. They're a perfect substitute for a boyfriend on these chilly fall nights. Sadly, it's not quite cold enough for a blanket AND the pajamas, but I'll take what I can get. That's Southern California for you. 

In the writing books I purchased the biggest piece of advice (so far) is to carry a little notebook with you at all times so that when ideas come to you, you have a means of documenting them. So I bought a 3-pack of little notebooks. They're slender, sturdy, and a perfect size. My budget is on the first page of the first one, soon to be titled I'm Trying to Write a Book Here! Volume I

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Dirty Window

     Here we are, at exercise #2.

What I Viewed Through the Window of My Childhood Bedroom"

     I shared that room with my younger sister. We used to rearrange our furniture, and we used to let it get extremely messy. On days when we were feeling like exceeding our mother's expectations of us, we would give our bedroom a deep and necessary cleaning. It often lasted late into the night, and gave us an excuse to stay up past our bedtime. We had a large window that faced our neighbor's backyard. Our window also faced a bedroom window in their house, and I always wished that a family with a girl my age would move into that house, and we could become really close friends and have a cup-and-string telephone from window to window. Sadly, that was never the case. When we were in elementary school, we had a neighbor who had two dogs: a pit bull and a rottweiler. I've been trying for over an hour, but I can't remember that neighbor's name. I think it started with a "K," and I think she had a female partner, so we'll call her Kris. Kris was strange. She shocked me many times. She was probably in her late 30's, but she looked much older. I remember her having tangly hair and dark, leathery looking skin. He backyard was not well-kept, and she liked to party. Kris also liked to sunbathe. This was strange for two reasons: 1) in our town, it was never warm enough to sunbathe. More often than not it was foggy, and when the sun did come out, it was an apprehensive sunlight. It was like the sun was nervous that the fog would come back and get mad at him for shining his warm, buttery light down on us, so he stayed just cold enough that it was always a good idea to have a sweater on hand. 2) she sunbathed without a top on!!! Bikinis were already foreign to me, but she was completely topless! I remember numerous occasions when I went to my sister and giggled as I told her that Kris was out there ... again

     Not only was Kris scantily clad, but she was also LOUD. After the sun went down, Kris let her wild side come out. She'd throw a party, probably so all of her friends and potential hook ups could admire her new tan. Kris would have a bonfire, beer, and cigarettes, and her dogs would go crazy! This did not work well with my 9 o'clock bedtime. There was one night when my dad decided he was going to go over there and ask them to quiet down a bit ... he had five children who were trying to sleep,, for Pete's sake!! When he went over there I listened intently ... I was actually nervous that he was going to get hurt. Kris's friends looked a little rough around the edges. But my dad came back just fine, and the music actually quieted down a bit, also! 

By the time I was in Jr. High, Kris had moved, and the family before her had moved in. They had a young son, and my sister and I would babysit him. The view from our backyard changed from a topless beef jerky lady to an actual backyard, one with plants, grass, and family members who always wore shirts. And as I grew older, I became the one who had to be quiet and not play the piano after 9pm, because the neighbor boy was sleeping.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

This is dumb, that's dumb ....

      I once asked a career counselor, "How did you figure out what you wanted to do with your life?" He gave me a long winded answer that didn't help me at all. So I rephrased my question: "How do you decide what to do with your life when there are five or six options that each seem like they could be really good?" He said to pick one and run with it, and if it doesn't work, try the next. And the next, and the next. Um, thanks a bunch, but that's really not what I was looking for. I wanted a cut and dry answer. I wanted someone to tell me something like, "Write your options down, shuffle them, and pull one out of a hat. It's fate. It's meant to be. It's God's way of telling you what to do." But no. I have to decide for myself. That is SO. ANNOYING. I'm ready to move on. I'm done, I'm over it. I have no more passion. I have no drive. It's monotonous. I'm telling you, as soon as this lease is up, I'm outta here. It's the American dream, right? Whatever. Who really knows what the American dream is, anyway? Who decided what it would be? Who decided most things in life? Stupid.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

I'll never let go, Jack!

     Titanic is on right now. I wasn't allowed to watch this movie when it came out in '97; granted, I was only 9 years old at the time, but still. I knew My Heart Will Go On by Celine, but I had no idea what part of the movie it was from. I knew the phrase, "I'm king of the world!" but I didn't know that Jack said it when he was with his friend; I thought it was when he was with Rose. The fact that it was with Fabrizio makes it way less romantic. Anyway, I'd always heard how great this movie was, and kind of just went along with it blindly. Then I watched it. And watched it again, and again, and again.
     Why is it that some of the greatest stories of all time revolve around a romantic relationship rather than the historical events? Sure, the Titanic sank, but the real tragedy seems to be that Jack and Rose will never be together until (SPOILER ALERT!) the very end when she dies (yes, she dies, it's not a dream) and goes back to the Titanic and walks up the stairway and he stretches out his hand to her and they embrace and share a sweet sweet kiss that they've waited something like 80 years for. Anyway, after watching it I just felt like it was more about two lovers than about hundreds of people dying in the frigid Atlantic. But then again, maybe that's just me (but I know it isn't because Karin feels the exact same way).
     Life is about love. It just is. In Eat, Pray, Love Liz Gilbert talks about refugees from a third-world country going to a refugee camp, and instead of talking about the tragedies they witnessed, they spoke of someone they met with whom they felt a romantic connection but now they don't know if they'll ever see that person again and what are they going to do, just live the rest of their lives in freedom but all the while knowing that his/her soulmate is out in the world probably with someone else and HOW IN THE WORLD WILL I GO ON?? Barf.
     Yes, life is about love. Loving the Creator. Loving the world. Loving the Word. But so often it's self-focused. People are focused on not having anyone to love THEM instead of spreading the love to the world. I think there should be more of an emphasis upon paying it forward. But, there's not. Of course. And this is all very hypocritical of me, but everyone has room for improvement, it just has to be recognized. Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, and I would like to get out of it.

**P.S. When Rose says, "I'll never let go, Jack!" as she lets him sink beneath the freezing surface of the Atlantic ocean, she isn't being a lying wench. She didn't promise him she'd never let go of him physically, she was promising him that she'd never let go of the promise she made to him to live a long life, have babies, and die an old woman warm in her bed. You know, just FYI.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Are you there, God ... ?

     I mean, I know you're busy and all, but if you have a spare minute or two, do you think you could take care of a few things for me? Since I know you're omnipotent and all that, I figure that my minute requests should really only take up a few milliseconds of your time. First of all, do you think you could get rid of the stench that our trash can is emitting? It's really disgusting and it's driving our dog bonkers. I mean, I guess I could go wash it out, but I have a lot on my plate right now. Some of my shoes are breaking and I need to get them fixed, plus I have to find time to get my hair done in the next couple of weeks. Speaking of my hair, could you give me an extra 8 inches? I really want long, luscious locks. Thanks. Also, would you mind putting a few extra zeroes on the end of my savings account balance? If you want to you could just take some money from one of the most powerful and likely most sinful companies out there and transfer the funds ... I think that would work well. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Could you make our dog BE QUIET?? He is really loud and obnoxious and it is getting on my nerves. And one last thing, could you make me skinny? And also make it so I hate chocolate and sugar and soda. 
     I would really appreciate it, God. I could do it on my own, but I figure it's easier to make Someone else do it for me. I've drawn a lot from what my culture has taught me, and it's that I shouldn't have to take responsibility for anything in my life. I get to be as lazy as I want. That's why You allowed people to create the fat freezing process, right? And why we have the lottery? And instant TV dinners? I think it's pretty cool. I get to be lazy and watch DVR and get on Facebook as much as I want, and other people will clean up after me. 
Thanks, God.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Bridal Breeds

     FACT: There are billions of people in the world.
     FACT: These people can be classified as a given type.
     FACT: Some of these types are really annoying.
     FACT: The same applies to people who are getting married.

The Fake Bride:
     The Fake Bride is not really a bride at all; in fact, she is rarely even a bridesmaid. This woman has watched countless friends, family members, and movie characters fall in love with "The One" and have that clicche, over the top production that we nowadays refer to as "a wedding." Each time The Fake Bride witnesses this, a fiery ball of raging fury begins to form in the pit of her stomach. She tires to quench this fire by gorging herself with chocolate, meatballs, and champagne, but this rarely works. When she admits failure, she resorts to one of the most pathetic ventures known to woman: fake wedding dress shopping, or fake wedding planning in general. Sometimes she plans this out really well and will stop at Wal Mart on the way to the salon and purchase the gaudiest, most tacky plastic engagement ring she can find (it's plastic because she's even too pathetic and sad for cubic zirconium), and then, armed with a false sense of entitlement and defensiveness, she'll enter a forest of tulle. Once she's arrived, she'll make up some story about a fake proposal (think: Rachel Green's story in Friends, complete with the blind nuns and famous singer), and put a consultant through torture as she leads her to believe she's going to be spending upwards of $5G in her store. She'll prance around in the dresses and take pictures, and then say she's noncommittal and she'll waltz out of there and go home to her sad, sad life.

     You can't really blame The Fake Bride, you kind of have to feel sorry for her. It's really Hollywood's fault that she expects to have a "white knight" moment. You know the kind ... she wants to be in trouble and have someone tall dark and handsome to save her and validate all of her feelings while the music swells and they enjoy their perfect kiss in front of a sunset as a slight breeze suddenly blows her hair like she's auditioning for America's Next Top Model. She's the girl who buys wedding magazines instead of Cosmopolitan, who buys veils instead of hates, and who buys wedding bouquets to use to decorate her apartment. She buys wedding picture frames and leaves the pictures of brides and grooms in them and pastes her face onto the bride's. She knows every sappy romantic comedy known to woman, and buys wedding cake in excess so she can eat it while she has The Notebook, You've Got Mail, or How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days on repeat on a Saturday night. On special occasions (think: after her sister's wedding, 2 too many episodes of Say Yes to the Dress, or if Mother Nature is about to give her a special visit) she'll pull out a wedding dress she stole -- excuse me, BORROWED -- from someone and sit in piles of tulle while chowing down on a hunk of Red Velvet cake with buttercream frosting; she's saved the cake topper, of course.

    "Oh Big, you're such a JERK!! Go back to the church! Tell her you love her!!! Don't let her leave!" she screams at the TV as she watches Carrie Bradshaw pound her now ex-fiance over the head with her bridal bouquet.
     "NO ROSE! Don't let go! Don't ever let go!" she cries out between choked sobs as Jack slips beneath the icy surface of the Atlantic and into the frigid abyss below. She's up on her knees now, pushing piles of tulle out of the way so she can see the TV.

     When she's done, she puts everything away and everything changes. She's a normal person now; her facade of being happily alone is back into place. She goes to sleep murmuring, I want to be maaaaaarried ... I want someone to loooooooove me ... I don't want to be loooooonely .....

How to tell if you've encountered a fake bride:
1) NO RING. The fake bride rarely wears a ring. "It's being sized," "It's being cleaned," or "He's letting me pick it out myself and I haven't gotten around to it yet," are three of the most commonly used excuses for this breed of bride.
**Author's note: WHO would get around to buying a wedding dress before picking out the ring? A moron, that's who(M?).  Don't ever do it and don't ever believe this excuse.

2) She says the wedding isn't going to be for another 3 years .... because they have to wait until they graduate from high school. This "bride" will usually have braces, blue nail polish, and braided string camp bracelets adorning her wrists. She will also say that she has to leave when her mom gets there to pick her up and then go to cheerleading practice. She'll also be carrying a book from the Twilight series or be wearing a T-shirt with song lyrics on it.

3) She can't remember her fiance's name ... or where they met, how long they've known each other, what he looks like, or her own name, for that matter.