Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Are you there, God ... ?

     I mean, I know you're busy and all, but if you have a spare minute or two, do you think you could take care of a few things for me? Since I know you're omnipotent and all that, I figure that my minute requests should really only take up a few milliseconds of your time. First of all, do you think you could get rid of the stench that our trash can is emitting? It's really disgusting and it's driving our dog bonkers. I mean, I guess I could go wash it out, but I have a lot on my plate right now. Some of my shoes are breaking and I need to get them fixed, plus I have to find time to get my hair done in the next couple of weeks. Speaking of my hair, could you give me an extra 8 inches? I really want long, luscious locks. Thanks. Also, would you mind putting a few extra zeroes on the end of my savings account balance? If you want to you could just take some money from one of the most powerful and likely most sinful companies out there and transfer the funds ... I think that would work well. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Could you make our dog BE QUIET?? He is really loud and obnoxious and it is getting on my nerves. And one last thing, could you make me skinny? And also make it so I hate chocolate and sugar and soda. 
     I would really appreciate it, God. I could do it on my own, but I figure it's easier to make Someone else do it for me. I've drawn a lot from what my culture has taught me, and it's that I shouldn't have to take responsibility for anything in my life. I get to be as lazy as I want. That's why You allowed people to create the fat freezing process, right? And why we have the lottery? And instant TV dinners? I think it's pretty cool. I get to be lazy and watch DVR and get on Facebook as much as I want, and other people will clean up after me. 
Thanks, God.
Amen.

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