Wednesday, December 29, 2010

I Want to Be ....

Some people, when they're young, know what they're going to be once they reach adulthood. Others try several different things during their course of life. Some never figure it out. Some have a vivid "Aha!" moment, where they know at once which path to take.

And some sit and wait . . . and wait . . . and wait. 

I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I knew I never wanted to be a teacher, I didn't have that much patience. And I didn't want to be a chef, because I couldn't even tell when break n' bake cookies were finished cooking. And I most certainly didn't want to be a doctor, because I wouldn't want to get that close to perfect strangers and have to inspect their toe fungus or mucusy cough or goopy eyes. Gross.

When I started college, here was my rationale for choosing to major in Communication Studies.

"I love to speak and be in front of people, and the major is broad. People who major in Communications have gone on to do so many things that sound interesting! And I'll have four looooong years to study and figure out what to do with my life. It's perfect!" 

And the major was perfect. I learned a lot, I love most of my classes, and I was challenged. The classes were tough, no matter what negative opinions you have of the stygmatized "easy" Comm classes. And at the end of my four years of college? Well, I'm sitting in my parents' house, in the new living room, with these thoughts:

"Four years goes by a lot more quickly than you think it will when you're newly 18. And four years isn't nearly enough time to figure out the rest of your life! And how, if I didn't know before, was I supposed to decide on one thing when I have hundreds (ok, maybe only dozens) of careers at my fingertips?? Why am I still clueless about the rest of my life???"

And no, I am not being dramatic. I am being honest. Some days I wake up and think I have it all figured out. And I do, for about two weeks. In the past 6 months or so, this is what I've thought of:

  • I'll be a newscaster! And I promptly set out Googling different ways to get into reporting. I thought of ways to get around the whole "I don't have any experience in newscasting at all" hurdle, only to decide I don't know if that's what I want to do.
  • I'll be a comedian! But really, most comedy is somewhat inappropriate, and I want my Grandma to be able to be involved in my career, and I couldn't see her sitting in the audience listening to me ramble on about how Hot Pockets are gross and give people diarrhea (even if it's true).
  • I'll be a writer! This lasted the longest, I think. I bought books about writing, I wrote every day (which I still do), I gave myself prompts, I settled on different titles for all my different books (and then I found out that the title is usually the last thing that's done . . . whatever). And then I just stopped.
  • I'll just be a mom!! Well, while this is definitely (God willing!) in my 10-year plan, I sort of need something to get me from point A (single, looking for a career) to point B (in a career and a relationship) to point C (married and on my way to having kids). I never liked math, but I know that things need to add up correctly in order to get the right answer.
What I know now, and have always known, is that God has a plan for my life. And what I've said before and not believed at times, is that I want God's plan for my life. But there's a problem: I don't know what that is. I'm torn between two decisions, neither wrong, both right, one best. But I don't know which to choose. I don't know which is best. And so I pray. I pray for guidance. I pray that the answer will become clear. I pray I will make the right decisions. And I wait.

And now, I think I may have finally stumbled upon something I would like to do (knock on wood! which I realize is a bit inappropriate given that I just wrote about God). Something that incorporates all the things I enjoy. Something that would allow me to move back home. Something that would allow me to be happy. Something that would allow me some financial stability. Something that would allow me to take pride in what I do, and to gain more expertise and to hone my current skills further. And it's a secret, until it becomes reality. 

Recently, I heard someone say that there are two reasons we're afraid of our future: 
1) We're afraid we might fail, or 2) We're afraid we might succeed

Cliche, I know, but they're cliches for a reason!!!

So now, while I'm rocking in my parents' LayZ Boy recliner staring at what used to be a brick fireplace, I think I'll choose to be excited for my future. Excited for what I'll accomplish. Excited for the strides I'll make. Excited, and not scared

And then, one day, I'll write about it in my book, and you'll read it there, too.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Lately....

Wow! So much has happened ... and I'm honestly hesitant to post much because there are so many unknowns right now. I have some big decisions to make, but thankfully I have some time still before I need to finalize anything. Sooner is always better, right? Christmas was lovely ... it was different this year because my older sister is now married so she had to split the day between her in-laws and our family, and my Grandma and Aunt were sick so they couldn't come to our house in the morning like they usually do ... and our house is in the final throes of a remodel so we didn't get a Christmas tree until Christmas Eve. But none of that really mattered, because we were all together after 2pm on Christmas Day, and it was wonderful. Have I ever mentioned just how much I love my family, and my growing extended family? Well, I do. A lot.

Earlier this evening my brother Robert and I were in the living room reading our respective books that (which?) we got for Christmas, and my mom came out and took pictures because it was just so special. Then she took a video, which I don't think I've ever seen her do before!

I LOVE being home.

My Hair?

DAY TWENTY-FOUR: A PHOTO THAT YOUR HAIR LOOKS NICE IN


I've posted this picture before, but I don't care. 

Christine

DAY TWENTY-THREE: A PHOTO OF YOUR FRIEND AS A BABY


I'm wearing the red, and Christine has no pants on. I'm glad I actually have this picture, because it meant that I don't have to search facebook like a stalker for baby photos! Christine now lives in San Diego, and before yesterday I hadn't seen her in ... a long time! It may have been a year and a half! We grew up two houses away from each other, and would have sleepovers together, play in the big hole in the sand, fight over who got to be named "Jenny" when we played pretend games (and I always ended up being "Enny" ... we were weird kids ....), eat too much junk food ... and she would come over to the house I babysat at 7am for me to do her hair for her when she broke her wrist. True Blue.

My Town

DAY TWENTY-TWO: A PHOTO OF YOUR TOWN


This is Los Osos and some of Morro Bay. I grew up in Los Osos, and though I may be biased in my opinion, it is perfect. It's a quiet, sleepy town with only 7 stoplights and two (?) streets with sidewalks. It is NOT in Northern California, it's on the Central Coast. The two should NEVER be confused.

I'm over this ...

DAY TWENTY-ONE: A PHOTO OF YOU STANDING UP


This was my freshman year of college. Kim and LaRae and I were going to get hair dye. Mine turned out a weird brown color that I didn't like very much. If I'm a bird, you're a bird.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Something I love ...

DAY TWENTY: A PHOTO OF SOMETHING YOU ENJOY DOING


I enjoy reading. And I REALLY  enjoy reading about commonly misused words and phrases. 

Trips

DAY NINETEEN: A PHOTO OF YOU ON A SCHOOL TRIP


This was my sophomore year of college, when me and 3 other people in my Literature of L.A. class went to MOCA (Museum of Contemporary Art). We also went to the La Brea tarpits. I did not enjoy myself. 

Monday, December 13, 2010

Back to School?

DAY EIGHTEEN: A PHOTO OF ONE OF YOUR CLASSES


I don't actually have a picture of any of my classes, but this is pretty close. Karina, Dr. Muehlhoff, Jimmy, me. Dr. Muehlhoff is everyone's favorite Comm. professor. This was at our Lambda pi Eta end of semester ceremony. LPE is the communications honors society. And I miss college.

Awkward

DAY SEVENTEEN: A DRUNK PHOTO OF YOU


I wasn't drunk here, but a lot of people at this party were. This was about 2 1/2 years ago at my friend Rebekah's 21st birthday celebration ... it was pirate themed. 

16

DAY SIXTEEN: A PHOTO FO YOU AT THE LAST PARTY YOU WENT TO


Matt, me, Alyssa, and Garrett at Brytni's twenties themed 21st birthday party. It's crazy to think that I met Brytni and Alyssa over 3 years ago when I started working at Disneyland. Ohh how times have changed ...

Parentals

DAY FIFTEEN: A PHOTO OF YOU AND SOMEONE YOU LOVE




I love my parents. So much. They've been there for me through so much, and I am unbelievably blessed beyond measure. Their love for each other and Christ is so evident ... I would be so incredibly lucky to have what they have someday.

Fave

DAY FOURTEEN: A PHOTO OF ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE FAMILY MEMBERS


This is my older sister, Kathrene. This photo was taken on June 26th, 2010 ... her wedding day. She is an amazing sister and friend, and I am so blessed that she and I are so close! I can't wait until I can move closer to home and we can see each other more often ... texts and phone calls just aren't the same. I'm trying to convince her to let me move into the spare room in their house, but for some reason she just doesn't seem too thrilled about that .... ;)

Kathrene is inspirational, amazing, strong, selfless, caring, intelligent, beautiful, considerate, organized, creative, thoughtful ... all around amazing. I love you!

Friday, December 3, 2010

Friends

DAY THIRTEEN: A PHOTO OF YOUR BEST FRIEND(S)

The past couple of years I haven't really liked the term "best friend," because I think it's hard to classify what a best friend is. I'm close to a lot of people.


Like Lisa. Lisa is my roommate, my friend, and my sister when she goes to the doctor so that I can have full access. Ha. And she listens to me complain and puts up with my messiness.


And Jacey. I hardly ever see Jacey, since school took us states away from each other. (Ok, Arizona and Orange County aren't THAT far apart, but we're busy people!) But Jacey and I can text or talk and pick up right where we left off the last time. We've made it through fights in high school, boyfriends, and sleepovers. And I love this girl.


Karen is my other mom. And she's fabulous. And she knows almost everything about me.


I can't find a picture of me and Cristen ... I guess that's telling me I should be better at organizing my photos. But this is Cristen's son, Maddex. He's five now! Cristen is one of my dearest friends... sadly we're hardly ever able to talk, and I haven't seen her in far too long, but I love her. Cristen and I became close when she was pregnant and I was infatuated with a boy. And the first year of Maddex's life, before I went to school, I practically lived at Cristen's. I love her.


Thursday, December 2, 2010

Day 12

DAY TWELVE: A PHOTO OF YOU


Yes, I can pogo stick.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Ten on a Tuesday

I don't care that it's Wednesday and not Tuesday. I'm wasting time while putting off getting ready to go to work.
1. Where are you from? Have you lived there your whole life?
I was born in Dallas and 9 months later was uprooted by my parents and we moved to Los Osos, CA. I claim that as where I'm from. Yes, be jealous. Although, I have now lived in Southern California for over 4 years and I don't hate it anymore ... so we'll see what happens here .... 
2. How would you classify your clothing style?
Ummmmm.... I don't know. Before I met Lisa I didn't really have style. Seriously. It was jeans or sweats with T-shirts and tanks. Seriously. My biggest thing is that is has to be comfortable. Comfortable and classy. I hate this question.
3. What kind of car do you drive?
A '95 Volvo. It's maroon and awesome
4. What would your dream home look like if you could have it (or already do!)?
I have no idea. I always thought I wanted a two-story house, but I've heard those are a pain to clean and the stairs can get really annoying. I do know that I would want a lot of windows and open space. None of this claustrophobic dark wood paneling crap. And I would have vaulted ceilings and lots of lights.
5. Do you have kids, and if so, how many and how old were you when you had them?
No babies that are biologically mine, but there are some kids that I claim as my own. You know who you are.
6. What is your favorite hobby?
I change hobbies about every two weeks. Right now it's eating, but it has also been reading, crocheting, writing, working out, and training the puppy.
7. Are you going to have any New Year’s resolutions for 2011?
I never have resolutions, and I think it's dumb to have to wait for January 1st to start some resolutions. But if I HAD to choose, I would quit soda, exercise more, journal, and have daily devotions. And eat more veggies.
8. What is something, if anything, that you’d want to change about yourself?
I've been thinking about this a lot the past few days. I am a slob, and I really don't like that about myself. I REALLY don't like that about myself. So, I wish I wasn't a slob. And I wish I was more optimistic. 
9. What is something that you love about yourself?
I can get along with most people, and I'm flexible.
10. Pick one of the following: Someone to cook for you, someone to do your laundry, or someone to do your dishes.
LAUNDRY LAUNDRY LAUNDRY LAUNDRY!!! I HATE doing laundry. I love cooking and I never have very many dishes, but I absolutely hate laundry. There's just too much to it. Ugh. Take it away!

Movies

DAY ELEVEN: A PHOTO OF YOUR FAVORITE FILM(S)



I LOVE THIS MOVIE. It's super quoteable and lighthearted, and just hilarious. These two together are fantastic. It's one of the very few movies that I could watch over and over and over again and not get sick of it. I feel partly bad for not saying something deep and thought-provoking like Lord of the Rings or Pride and Prejudice ... but to be honest, sometimes Lord of the Rings, as much as I LOVE the movies, can be too deep and I don't want to think that hard. And I never liked Pride and Prejudice. So, there you go. I'm a shallow surface-y Fey/Pohler little girl.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Catch Up

This photo challenge is taking much longer than anticipated because of the break I gave myself over Thanksgiving. So today is a catch up day. Ready?

DAY SIX: A PHOTO THAT MAKES YOU LAUGH


This is the first time that Lisa and I gave Valentino a bath. He looked like a wet rat and I find it hilarious.

DAY SEVEN: A PHOTO OF SOMEONE YOU LOVE


There are many people I love. But I had to go with my Grandma. She is simply amazing and I love her so much. And every time I talk to her on the phone she asks me about my love life. And she makes amazing egg salad sandwiches. 

DAY EIGHT: A PHOTO OF YOUR FAVORITE BAND/MUSICIAN


Carrie Underwood. Favorite. 

DAY NINE: A PHOTO OF YOUR FAMILY


That's everyone. L to R: John Herndon, Me, Robert, Dad, Amy (John's fiancee), John, Mom, Kathrene Herndon, Ange, Joey (Ange's boyfriend who probably shouldn't technically be here but it's the best I can do...). I love my family. I love the extensions our family is gaining. Kathrene chose a wonderful husband, and John has chosen a wonderful almost-wife. 

Last one.
DAY TEN: A PHOTO OF YOU AS A BABY


I don't have any pictures of me on my computer of when I was a little baby, but I was pretty young here ... I'd guess around 4. Angenette is on the left, and I'm holding my doll Melody. I had an abnormally large head as a child. 

Monday, November 29, 2010

ME

DAY FIVE: A PHOTO OF YOU


I'm really proud of this picture because I made those sunglasses for a Jersey Shore party. 136 rhinestones. Go me.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Vacay-What?

DAY FOUR: A PHOTO OF THE LAST PLACE YOU WENT ON HOLIDAY


I don't take vacations anymore. When we were younger our family would go on trips, usually to Sacramento to see my mother's family, or Dodger games, and once we went on a huge and wonderful trip around the country in a van ... but since I've been in college, vacations have been few and far between, or non-existent. When I take time off it's to go home: Los Osos. And I'm not complaining one bit. I love Los Osos. I love visiting home, driving the familiar streets, reminiscing as I pass places I used to work, hate, or hang out at. This particular picture is from "the top of the world," otherwise known as Cabrillo Estates. It's a very high point in the town, and on a clear day it's beautiful. Everyone loves it. And I'm going back there TOMORROW!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Happy happy joy joy

DAY THREE: A PHOTO THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY


This was last Christmas. Thanks to Angenette, our family tries to take a walk down to the bay on Christmas morning. When we were younger it was always really fun to wake up really early on Christmas morning and it was hard to wait for Grandma and Aunt Janet to come over so we could open presents and get the festivities started ... but the past few years it's been different. Most of us have wanted to sleep for just five more minutes! And a walk early in the morning isn't something that makes us excited, but I'm glad we did it. Since Kathrene got married in June and now lives an hour away from home, and John is getting married in March, I would be shocked out of my pants if the Christmas morning walk happened again. This was also the day before Kathrene got engaged. So, I think it's the last family picture we have when it was just the original 7 of us together, before anyone was seriously committed to another person for the rest of his/her life. Oh yeah, and then there's Ange's dog, Coco. I don't really count her.

Last Thanksgiving, when I cooked!

I totally missed yesterday's post for the photo challenge. Oh well, I'm making up for it now!

DAY TWO: A PHOTO OF YOURSELF A YEAR AGO


Kathrene and I made Thanksgiving dinner last year, under the close supervision of our Aunt Janet, of course. This was the part of the process where I was finely chopping the garlic to go in the cranberry sauce. But don't worry, it wasn't only cranberries and garlic, that would be gross. There was also basil, onions, carrots, celery .... and it was NOT delicious. It was supposed to be a topping for the turkey, and it looked really pretty, but that was about it. 

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Photo Challenge

Wow, it's been forever since I've opened my computer. Therefore, no blogging lately. I tried blogging from my Droid2 a few times, but I can't use much punctuation or capitalization, so I stopped. I also couldn't upload any pictures very easily. But, I'm back on Max and decided to do something other than posting about my feelings. Happy? =)  Many people I know have started doing this photo challenge. I thought I would join in. I probably won't do 30 consecutive days, but it will be fun when I have the time.

DAY ONE: YOUR FACEBOOK PROFILE PHOTO


I am an avid Harry Potter fan. I love the books and the movies. So when Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I came out this week, I was ecstatic. And, rather than fight the crowds and experience sleep deprivation by seeing it at 12:01am on Friday, I opted to go with Robert and several of his friends. Well, they dressed up. Robert was Severus Snape, Randall was Dumbledore, Cory was a student with a disgusting wig, Cami was Hermione, and there was Viktor Krum and Katie Bell, also. Normally I wouldn't mind dressing up, but I just wanted to be comfortable, so I decided to just have Robert draw a lightening bolt on my forehead. Before the movie I made him go to Wal Mart with me so I could get some snacks, and like the wonderful brother he is, he obliged me. Whilst wearing his costume. It was hilarious. So many stares!! And the movie was fabulous. Absolutely fabulous!!

Friday, November 5, 2010

Whine and Cheese

$eriou$ i$$ue$ in $o many area$. Can you guess what the main one is? Ugh. I hate being this dependent.

I watched Sweet November the other night ... oh m gosh, it was perfectly terrible. I sobbed my poor little heart out, and enjoyed every minute of it.

My throat is closing up; it's that feeling of a tennis ball in there, and my voice is going away. Plus I have a cough and my nose is stuffed up. Wonderful.

My car is pretty much out of gas.

I'm eating everything in sight.

My eyes are still infected.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

the world series

i love baseball. i love playing baseball and watching baseball. i love the way a leather glove smells. i love hot dogs. i love the seventh inning stretch. i love sliding into home. i love the dodgers.

and i hate the giants. i really do. and i am having a physical reaction to the fact that they won the world series. that and the traffic back down to oc put me in a bad bad mood. and i know that a baseball game is stupid, but i so dont care. i would have rather any team beat the gianyts tonight. seriously. but no, the giants won. ugh.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

The 80's

Are making a comeback! I'm going to a taping of Let's Make a Deal with Wayne Brady ... and I have to wake up in 5 1/2 hours. And we're dressing up in 80's attire. Cliche, I know, but it was short notice. And I would rather go decked out in Rangers stuff, but I don't have any. So, hot pink tights, leg warmers, and too much hairspray, here we come!

Monday, October 25, 2010

The Morning

I am not a morning person. I prefer to sleep until at least 12 o'clock p.m. I try to get up early; I set my alarms for 8:30, 9, 9:30 ... it doesn't work. I just hit snooze and go back to sleep until the day is half over. Then I feel bad because I wasted the entire day. Sooooo how do I change that? Seriously, anyone have any good ideas??

Bullet Points

  • I joined 20 something bloggers. 
  • I actually sat down and figured out how to add the icon to my blog, not as a picture, but as something you can click on and go to my 20SB page! Go me.
  • I am going to be a bird for Halloween.
  • I am making most of my costume. I sewed my finger twice. Lots of feathers.
  • Work is ridiculous. When I start my career I will not work for a giant corporation as the lowest on the totem pole.
  • I'm about to have my own room.
  • I need to start working out. NEED TO.

Photo time!
Taylor's bachelorette/lingerie party

Monica, Lisa, and Me at Heroes 


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Controversy?

     During the last hour and a half of work, a few people began a conversation about religion. It wasn't exactly heated, but there wasn't really room for anyone else to get a word in. It was the kind of conversation where a couple of people were just ranting about how stupid organized religion is and how all people are good and that's all that mattered. I was extremely uncomfortable. Talks about religion in the workplace have always made me uncomfortable. I want to be the kind of person who can engage in a conversation like that and simply share my viewpoint without feeling a martyr complex, but I'm just not that way. First of all, I'm really passive aggressive, so I tend to keep my feelings of anger or disappointment or frustration on the inside; second, I've found that talking about religious views at work just makes things awkward. People at work know where I went to college, they know my family background, they know the way I choose to live my life. Though I disagree with most things these women were saying, I felt it was best to keep my views to myself. Was this the right thing to do? I have no idea. Should I have spoken up? Probably. But how do you do that without getting attacked mercilessly?

     The conversation then turned to politics. AREYOUSERIOUS???? The two topics I dread SO MUCH.

     But here, on my online diary, I can voice my opinions.
     I believe:

     1) God answers prayer. AND, I believe that everyone is called to pray. I believe that God wants us to be in constant communication with Him, even though we're only human. Yes, God has a lot of things to worry about, but one of the beauties about being God is that His mind isn't limited to only thinking about one thing at a time. So I can pray about my money issues. I can pray about my love life (or serious lack thereof). I can pray for the homeless man on the street, with all his earthly possessions in his shopping cart. I can pray for poverty. For the war. For peace. For sleep.

     2) I believe that gay marriage is wrong. I believe that homosexuality exists because there is sin in the world, and I believe people can choose to be gay or straight. And I'm not sorry I believe that.

     3) I believe sex before marriage is wrong. That's all I'm saying about that issue, because it hits way too close to home for me to go into more detail right now.

     4) I believe God is love. I believe that, as a Christian, my attitude toward other people should be loving. I believe that I should change my attitude, because I am completely not loving. I am cynical, and pessimistic, and I get angry way too easily.

     So, there you go. Some of my basic beliefs. And please, if you have any advice on how to live a loving life, or how to engage in religious/political conversations at work, please share. INEEDYOURHELP!

insomnia

lately, i have been having an extremely difficult time falling asleep. i kmow im exhausted, but i just lie here for hours, my mind racing. often i wake up feeling unrested, and my back is sore. im getting really sick of this. nighttime is when my mind just wont shut up.

taylor and i talked for a long time tonight. we talked about our pasts and old relationships, the present and whats in store. i have a lot of secrets that im not willing to share. fear of embarrassment and shame forces me to keep myself guarded, very guarded. in some ways thats a good thing, but in a lot of areas it can be dangerous. im prone to emotional constipation, and it can cause a lot of bacteria to form in my life.

in other news, my budgeting has gone well. day one was successful.

and my back hurts.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

I Actually Budgeted ....

     My first job was a paper route when I was 11. Other than the summer I was with Continentals and my freshman year of college, I have always had a job. Always an income. Always a way to survive. Yes, I'm thankful. Yes, I've definitely complained about the frustrations that come with any job. And I've always thought, shouldn't I have been able to save a lot more by this point in my life? Minus 2 points for me. I took a class called Faith and Money my last semester at school, and I finally decided to sit down and figure out my budget. The biggest thing I'm cutting out? EATING OUT. I was actually looking at my bank statement, and I was appalled. Lisa will back me up on this. She was watching some tv show about celebrity fashion faux pas, and I made her hit the pause button so I could tell her how much I spent eating out in one month. It's embarrassing!!!! That's gonna stop. Surprisingly, coffee wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. That's probably because I've been buying my own coffee and making it at home. Add one point for me. Also, no more random grocery store trips. My new mantra? YOU DON'T WANT THE ICE CREAM!!!


I set a savings goal for myself. In 6 months I have a monetary goal. That will work well for what I have planned for my living arrangements next summer (more on that later. Much later). 


So what I did was, wrote down my estimated income each month, and then wrote down the necessities (gas, grocery store, rent, bills, coffee). I did allow myself a buffer, and since my income isn't set in stone each month (oh, the joys of hourly vs. salary wages!!), I could save more or less than my goal. I'm ok with that. 


BEFORE I budgeted, I splurged at Target. I bought something I've wanted for a little over two years. TWO YEARS, PEOPLE. I bought footie pajamas. They're bright pink and the feet have dogs on them. They're juvenile, silly, and I love them. They're a perfect substitute for a boyfriend on these chilly fall nights. Sadly, it's not quite cold enough for a blanket AND the pajamas, but I'll take what I can get. That's Southern California for you. 


In the writing books I purchased the biggest piece of advice (so far) is to carry a little notebook with you at all times so that when ideas come to you, you have a means of documenting them. So I bought a 3-pack of little notebooks. They're slender, sturdy, and a perfect size. My budget is on the first page of the first one, soon to be titled I'm Trying to Write a Book Here! Volume I

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Dirty Window

     Here we are, at exercise #2.

What I Viewed Through the Window of My Childhood Bedroom"


     I shared that room with my younger sister. We used to rearrange our furniture, and we used to let it get extremely messy. On days when we were feeling like exceeding our mother's expectations of us, we would give our bedroom a deep and necessary cleaning. It often lasted late into the night, and gave us an excuse to stay up past our bedtime. We had a large window that faced our neighbor's backyard. Our window also faced a bedroom window in their house, and I always wished that a family with a girl my age would move into that house, and we could become really close friends and have a cup-and-string telephone from window to window. Sadly, that was never the case. When we were in elementary school, we had a neighbor who had two dogs: a pit bull and a rottweiler. I've been trying for over an hour, but I can't remember that neighbor's name. I think it started with a "K," and I think she had a female partner, so we'll call her Kris. Kris was strange. She shocked me many times. She was probably in her late 30's, but she looked much older. I remember her having tangly hair and dark, leathery looking skin. He backyard was not well-kept, and she liked to party. Kris also liked to sunbathe. This was strange for two reasons: 1) in our town, it was never warm enough to sunbathe. More often than not it was foggy, and when the sun did come out, it was an apprehensive sunlight. It was like the sun was nervous that the fog would come back and get mad at him for shining his warm, buttery light down on us, so he stayed just cold enough that it was always a good idea to have a sweater on hand. 2) she sunbathed without a top on!!! Bikinis were already foreign to me, but she was completely topless! I remember numerous occasions when I went to my sister and giggled as I told her that Kris was out there ... again


     Not only was Kris scantily clad, but she was also LOUD. After the sun went down, Kris let her wild side come out. She'd throw a party, probably so all of her friends and potential hook ups could admire her new tan. Kris would have a bonfire, beer, and cigarettes, and her dogs would go crazy! This did not work well with my 9 o'clock bedtime. There was one night when my dad decided he was going to go over there and ask them to quiet down a bit ... he had five children who were trying to sleep,, for Pete's sake!! When he went over there I listened intently ... I was actually nervous that he was going to get hurt. Kris's friends looked a little rough around the edges. But my dad came back just fine, and the music actually quieted down a bit, also! 


By the time I was in Jr. High, Kris had moved, and the family before her had moved in. They had a young son, and my sister and I would babysit him. The view from our backyard changed from a topless beef jerky lady to an actual backyard, one with plants, grass, and family members who always wore shirts. And as I grew older, I became the one who had to be quiet and not play the piano after 9pm, because the neighbor boy was sleeping.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

This is dumb, that's dumb ....

      I once asked a career counselor, "How did you figure out what you wanted to do with your life?" He gave me a long winded answer that didn't help me at all. So I rephrased my question: "How do you decide what to do with your life when there are five or six options that each seem like they could be really good?" He said to pick one and run with it, and if it doesn't work, try the next. And the next, and the next. Um, thanks a bunch, but that's really not what I was looking for. I wanted a cut and dry answer. I wanted someone to tell me something like, "Write your options down, shuffle them, and pull one out of a hat. It's fate. It's meant to be. It's God's way of telling you what to do." But no. I have to decide for myself. That is SO. ANNOYING. I'm ready to move on. I'm done, I'm over it. I have no more passion. I have no drive. It's monotonous. I'm telling you, as soon as this lease is up, I'm outta here. It's the American dream, right? Whatever. Who really knows what the American dream is, anyway? Who decided what it would be? Who decided most things in life? Stupid.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

I'll never let go, Jack!

     Titanic is on right now. I wasn't allowed to watch this movie when it came out in '97; granted, I was only 9 years old at the time, but still. I knew My Heart Will Go On by Celine, but I had no idea what part of the movie it was from. I knew the phrase, "I'm king of the world!" but I didn't know that Jack said it when he was with his friend; I thought it was when he was with Rose. The fact that it was with Fabrizio makes it way less romantic. Anyway, I'd always heard how great this movie was, and kind of just went along with it blindly. Then I watched it. And watched it again, and again, and again.
     Why is it that some of the greatest stories of all time revolve around a romantic relationship rather than the historical events? Sure, the Titanic sank, but the real tragedy seems to be that Jack and Rose will never be together until (SPOILER ALERT!) the very end when she dies (yes, she dies, it's not a dream) and goes back to the Titanic and walks up the stairway and he stretches out his hand to her and they embrace and share a sweet sweet kiss that they've waited something like 80 years for. Anyway, after watching it I just felt like it was more about two lovers than about hundreds of people dying in the frigid Atlantic. But then again, maybe that's just me (but I know it isn't because Karin feels the exact same way).
     Life is about love. It just is. In Eat, Pray, Love Liz Gilbert talks about refugees from a third-world country going to a refugee camp, and instead of talking about the tragedies they witnessed, they spoke of someone they met with whom they felt a romantic connection but now they don't know if they'll ever see that person again and what are they going to do, just live the rest of their lives in freedom but all the while knowing that his/her soulmate is out in the world probably with someone else and HOW IN THE WORLD WILL I GO ON?? Barf.
     Yes, life is about love. Loving the Creator. Loving the world. Loving the Word. But so often it's self-focused. People are focused on not having anyone to love THEM instead of spreading the love to the world. I think there should be more of an emphasis upon paying it forward. But, there's not. Of course. And this is all very hypocritical of me, but everyone has room for improvement, it just has to be recognized. Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, and I would like to get out of it.

**P.S. When Rose says, "I'll never let go, Jack!" as she lets him sink beneath the freezing surface of the Atlantic ocean, she isn't being a lying wench. She didn't promise him she'd never let go of him physically, she was promising him that she'd never let go of the promise she made to him to live a long life, have babies, and die an old woman warm in her bed. You know, just FYI.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Are you there, God ... ?

     I mean, I know you're busy and all, but if you have a spare minute or two, do you think you could take care of a few things for me? Since I know you're omnipotent and all that, I figure that my minute requests should really only take up a few milliseconds of your time. First of all, do you think you could get rid of the stench that our trash can is emitting? It's really disgusting and it's driving our dog bonkers. I mean, I guess I could go wash it out, but I have a lot on my plate right now. Some of my shoes are breaking and I need to get them fixed, plus I have to find time to get my hair done in the next couple of weeks. Speaking of my hair, could you give me an extra 8 inches? I really want long, luscious locks. Thanks. Also, would you mind putting a few extra zeroes on the end of my savings account balance? If you want to you could just take some money from one of the most powerful and likely most sinful companies out there and transfer the funds ... I think that would work well. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Could you make our dog BE QUIET?? He is really loud and obnoxious and it is getting on my nerves. And one last thing, could you make me skinny? And also make it so I hate chocolate and sugar and soda. 
     I would really appreciate it, God. I could do it on my own, but I figure it's easier to make Someone else do it for me. I've drawn a lot from what my culture has taught me, and it's that I shouldn't have to take responsibility for anything in my life. I get to be as lazy as I want. That's why You allowed people to create the fat freezing process, right? And why we have the lottery? And instant TV dinners? I think it's pretty cool. I get to be lazy and watch DVR and get on Facebook as much as I want, and other people will clean up after me. 
Thanks, God.
Amen.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Bridal Breeds

     FACT: There are billions of people in the world.
     FACT: These people can be classified as a given type.
     FACT: Some of these types are really annoying.
     FACT: The same applies to people who are getting married.

The Fake Bride:
     The Fake Bride is not really a bride at all; in fact, she is rarely even a bridesmaid. This woman has watched countless friends, family members, and movie characters fall in love with "The One" and have that clicche, over the top production that we nowadays refer to as "a wedding." Each time The Fake Bride witnesses this, a fiery ball of raging fury begins to form in the pit of her stomach. She tires to quench this fire by gorging herself with chocolate, meatballs, and champagne, but this rarely works. When she admits failure, she resorts to one of the most pathetic ventures known to woman: fake wedding dress shopping, or fake wedding planning in general. Sometimes she plans this out really well and will stop at Wal Mart on the way to the salon and purchase the gaudiest, most tacky plastic engagement ring she can find (it's plastic because she's even too pathetic and sad for cubic zirconium), and then, armed with a false sense of entitlement and defensiveness, she'll enter a forest of tulle. Once she's arrived, she'll make up some story about a fake proposal (think: Rachel Green's story in Friends, complete with the blind nuns and famous singer), and put a consultant through torture as she leads her to believe she's going to be spending upwards of $5G in her store. She'll prance around in the dresses and take pictures, and then say she's noncommittal and she'll waltz out of there and go home to her sad, sad life.

     You can't really blame The Fake Bride, you kind of have to feel sorry for her. It's really Hollywood's fault that she expects to have a "white knight" moment. You know the kind ... she wants to be in trouble and have someone tall dark and handsome to save her and validate all of her feelings while the music swells and they enjoy their perfect kiss in front of a sunset as a slight breeze suddenly blows her hair like she's auditioning for America's Next Top Model. She's the girl who buys wedding magazines instead of Cosmopolitan, who buys veils instead of hates, and who buys wedding bouquets to use to decorate her apartment. She buys wedding picture frames and leaves the pictures of brides and grooms in them and pastes her face onto the bride's. She knows every sappy romantic comedy known to woman, and buys wedding cake in excess so she can eat it while she has The Notebook, You've Got Mail, or How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days on repeat on a Saturday night. On special occasions (think: after her sister's wedding, 2 too many episodes of Say Yes to the Dress, or if Mother Nature is about to give her a special visit) she'll pull out a wedding dress she stole -- excuse me, BORROWED -- from someone and sit in piles of tulle while chowing down on a hunk of Red Velvet cake with buttercream frosting; she's saved the cake topper, of course.

    "Oh Big, you're such a JERK!! Go back to the church! Tell her you love her!!! Don't let her leave!" she screams at the TV as she watches Carrie Bradshaw pound her now ex-fiance over the head with her bridal bouquet.
    
     "NO ROSE! Don't let go! Don't ever let go!" she cries out between choked sobs as Jack slips beneath the icy surface of the Atlantic and into the frigid abyss below. She's up on her knees now, pushing piles of tulle out of the way so she can see the TV.

     When she's done, she puts everything away and everything changes. She's a normal person now; her facade of being happily alone is back into place. She goes to sleep murmuring, I want to be maaaaaarried ... I want someone to loooooooove me ... I don't want to be loooooonely .....


How to tell if you've encountered a fake bride:
1) NO RING. The fake bride rarely wears a ring. "It's being sized," "It's being cleaned," or "He's letting me pick it out myself and I haven't gotten around to it yet," are three of the most commonly used excuses for this breed of bride.
**Author's note: WHO would get around to buying a wedding dress before picking out the ring? A moron, that's who(M?).  Don't ever do it and don't ever believe this excuse.

2) She says the wedding isn't going to be for another 3 years .... because they have to wait until they graduate from high school. This "bride" will usually have braces, blue nail polish, and braided string camp bracelets adorning her wrists. She will also say that she has to leave when her mom gets there to pick her up and then go to cheerleading practice. She'll also be carrying a book from the Twilight series or be wearing a T-shirt with song lyrics on it.

3) She can't remember her fiance's name ... or where they met, how long they've known each other, what he looks like, or her own name, for that matter.

THESE PEOPLE ARE EVERYWHERE.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Neutering ... from the dog's perspective

They woke me up too early today ... and right away I could tell something was wrong. They were looking at me with sad, sympathetic eyes. They weren't yelling at me like they usually do, so I started getting wary, and I was shaking (which was more apparent because of the short, on the verge of metrosexual harircut they gave me yesterday). Then, we went outside, and the tall one was carrying me. She looked different this morning, and she smelled; it was 8am and I think she should always stay asleep until 12pm. Then we got in the car. I knew right away where we were going, and I was SCARED. I knew we were going to the satanic place with the metal tables and needles, and I hoped it wasn't because I urinated like a racehorse on the tall one's bedspread last night -- I'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN, I PROMISE! (That's a lie, and they both know it). We drove for far too long, and then ... we got to THE DARK PLACE. It's awfully embarrassing because they yell out my full name -- FOR VALENTINO? -- for everyone to hear. What if there was a cute Chihuahua in the waiting room or something? RUDE.  Oh well, at least I still have SOME of my masculinity, under my tail. Someone in a horribly unattractive nurses outfit comes and takes me to a table. OWW! HELLO? THAT POKE HURT!! ...I'm getting groggy ....

I'm awake now ... it's hazy. There's a huge plastic thing around my neck and it hurts to move ... I can't bite my toes! WHY CAN'T I BITE MY TOES!?? Where's the short blonde one? The one who calls me her son? WHERE IS SHE? I NEED HER! I'm so tired ...

I'm awake now ... my tiny mother is here. We're driving ... it hurts under my tail, and i can't fix it. I feel strange. I feel ... incomplete. Why does it feel like a part of me is missing? Why do I feel ... lighter? WAIT. WHERE IS MY MANHOOD? WHERE DID IT GO? WHY DON'T I FEEL THE URGE TO PEE EVERYWHERE? WHY IS MY BARK SO LOW? Oh no ... I'm falling asleep again ...I'm so tired ....

We're home now and I don't even care. Nothing looks entertaining ... WHY DON'T I WANT TO BITE EVERYTHING? WHY DO I STILL NOT CARE ABOUT PEEING EVERYWHERE? WHY DOESN'T MY PIG LOOK ATTRACTIVE? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? MOM?? WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME? IS THIS GONNA BE FOREVER? MOM!! DID YOU SHAVE MY LEG? WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME AND SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT A CHICKEN LEG WHEN YOU KNOW YOU AREN'T GOING TO GIVE ME ANY CHICKEN? WHY DID YOU SHAVE INSTEAD OF WAXING? HAVEN'T YOU HEARD ABOUT INGROWN HAIRS? WHERE'S THE TALL ONE? IS THIS BECAUSE I PEED ON HER BED? IS THIS BECAUSE I POOP IN THE HOUSE? IS THIS BECAUSE I GROWL? IS THIS BECAUSE I LOVE MY PIG TOO MUCH? GIVE ME BACK MY MANHOOD ... is that a Chanel purse?

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

You're special but I can't help you

Part of a movie was filmed at my work today. "A very pivotal scene in the movie," the location director told me. This movie has been the bane of our staff's employment for about a week and a half now; I have a newfound loathing for this industry, a loathing I didn't have before. Remember the beginning of The Devil Wears Prada, where Miranda Priestly (the editor in chief of Runway magazine) comes to work earlier than expected, and someone says, "gird your loins!" and everyone is in a ridiculous tizzy making sure everything is perfect for her arrival? That was us this past week and a half. Staying late to scrub baseboards, chairs, windows, mirrors, and chairs; merchandizing the dresses just so; dusting; getting carpets cleaned ... everything so that it would be known that we keep our store clean and in good order. Then, yesterday: D-Day. The crew came to rearrange and make the set for the movie, and chaos just doesn't do justice to the madness that has ensued in our store the past 48 hours. We have had dozens and dozens of people in and our, moving things, building, drilling, yelling ... it's enough to make the Gosselin's house look like an Ashram in India. Bedlam, entropy, pandemonium ... a holy mess!! So, by today around 11am they were ready to start filming. Though our store was closed, it was of the utmost importance that someone be in the back room to answer the phone and explain to the customers that we are in fact closed, and though we are answering the phones, we cannot help you with anything because we have no computer access and we actually aren't allowed to speak, whisper, or even breathe because when they're "ROLLING!" it can be heard. I'm sorry, did the hairspray I used this morning interfere with any signal? Am I allowed to scratch if I have an itch, or will that create a problem for your movie that will probably go straight to DVD and has the most boring title since The Men Who Stare at Goats? If that wasn't bad enough, all the people who worked on the movie had attitudes like the ground they walked on deserved to be kissed. I learned in college that one of the easiest ways to make someone feel unimportant, depressed, lonely, or sad is to not acknowledge them ... where's the cliff, then? I believe I was spoken to twice today, once when someone asked me if we had a steamer and then told us they may ask us to steam dresses for them -- I'm sorry, I actually have to answer the phone, plus, isn't that what they're paying you thousands of dollars for? -- and then when a man told me he assumed this was way different and better than anything I was used to, right? Um, no. Actually, just about anything was better than being in a hot room with no doors or windows, sitting on a plastic chair, staring at a phone and waiting for the green light to blink so I could tell people they are special but I can't help them. Maybe it would have been a little different if Brad Pitt were there, but do people seriously think that just because they can memorize a couple of lines (which they actually couldn't) that they're better than anyone else? Reality check ... in the face, and in the form of my fist.


Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Grass is Always Greener .....


     Call me pessimistic (or cynical, as Micah prefers), but sometimes things seem as though they would have turned out better had I made a different choice. But, such is life. And really, there isn't any point in dwelling on the "coulda woulda shoulda," so come on, suck it up already!! Nope, not gonna happen. Instead, I think I'll eat some ice cream and pizza.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Valentino, our latest addition

Now, I could be wrong, but I'm pretty certain I'm sick. It's just a cold, but it's the kind of cold that knocks you out pretty hard. Stuffy nose, headache, fatigue, sneezing ... all the normal "cold" symptoms. It's just really annoying, especially in July. And no one likes to hear a nose being blown. Gross. You can blame a particular individual with whom I work for this cold; she blew her nose and breathed right next to our communal pizza. Classy, eh?

In other news, there isn't much to say. Oh, well, Lisa got a puppy. He was born May 1st, and his name is Valentino. **Note: Lisa and Tino and I are a little family, so the three of us will heretofore be referred to as "us" or "we" or the like. So, just don't get confused.** When we first brought him home he was adorable, and the perfect puppy. He just hung out with us and slept and did cute little puppy things, like cock his head to the side if we whined or barked or sneezed. THEN, he got comfortable. He'll randomly get these little bursts of energy and whiz all around the apartment at light speed for no reason, or he'll try dozens of times to jump up on our couch (it's about a foot and a half high probably, and he's succeeded once), he'll chase our feet when we walk, he'll use anywhere as a toilet, he'll get tangled in our hair, he bites all the furniture no matter how many times we smack him (gently) and yell NO! BAD BOY! BAD TINO! NO! NO! NO! Sometimes it's really exhausting. Today, all Lisa and I wanted to do was eat our homemade guacamole (which was pretty delicious, if I do say so myself!) and watch SATC, and little Terror Tino was racing around trying to get on the couch and chewing stuff and being bad. He's still adorable though, and 100% worth it.

I still need a dresser. My room is filled with piles of my stuff, and there's a pathway to my bed and Carizza's bed. It's kind of bad. Oh well, she doesn't mind ... I hope!!!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Free Things

A recent realization of mine is that I really like things that are free. It could be something as insignificant as a little cluster of ciniminis from Chick Fil A, or it could be winning $10,000 on a radio show. Either way you turn it, if it's free, I like it. And I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. Something about almost "cheating the system," if you will. It's almost as if "I know that because of the laws of consumerism and supply and demand and labor cost and minimum wage I SHOULD be paying some kind of price for this or I really don't deserve it, but I'm getting it free anyway because you're doing a promotion and that's the way it's gonna be, Jack!" attitude that just warms me from the inside out. Unless, of course, the offer for something free ends at 5 o'clock p.m. and because of some stupid red light on Beach and Hilsbourough you get there at 5:01:11 and they absolutely REFUSE to give you that free small fry your mouth has been watering for since you woke up at 6 o'clock this morning and you can't even go in and buy one because you left your wallet in someone's car over the weekend, not that it had anything in it anyway because let's face it, you're in college and completely broke because Starbucks and Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf just REFUSE to sell you a white chocolate latte/mocha for under $4.00 but you really love them and they keep you awake and then you get on a caffeine high and you end up writing the longest run on sentences ever and you KNOW that Mr. Pudewa and Abeka would just be devastated if they read this right now. And learning that sure wasn't free!